4chan Gifs

I’ve been extremely bored since the PGA Championship ended. I don’t really go on 4chan anymore but decided to tonight. There was a YLYL thread (you laugh you lose). I lost probably 100 times. These are the ones that had me absolutely dying. I can understand how some people don’t think these are funny but I’d be shocked if someone watched all of them without laughing once.

Get with the program

Around the Horn & PTI

I want to share something that ESPN does that should be duplicated by every major TV station. I usually get home from work between 5:10-5:40 depending on the day. Most days when I arrive home I turn on ESPN to watch Around the Horn. The show ends at 5:30 and Pardon the Interruption is scheduled as the next show. These are both great shows in my opinion. They’re biased in multiple directions which is nice to hear all the sides, the participants are both likable and hateable, and their differing opinions/personalities make their interactions fun to watch, not to mention they’re all sports buffs. Woody Paige and Kornheiser are my personal favorites. But that’s not the point.

What ESPN does, and what every other station should do, is go into the next show without a commercial. I don’t have an opportunity to change the channel because the end of one show is the beginning of the next show. More importantly, I don’t want to change the channel because I know I want to watch PTI and there’s no commercial in between. If a commercial came on, the goldfish from within would come out and I’d be changing the channel. Heaven forbid I find something interesting/worth watching and then forget about PTI. In this scenario, I don’t have the chance to do that. And even better is that for both shows they show what topics are coming up next. So once you start watching you know what you’re in for, the idea being that you won’t change the channel on a commercial because you’re interested in the topics to come.

Then, even more geniusly (not a word), they have both shows playing from 6:00-7:00 on ESPN2, just one channel away I might add. Say I get home at 5:20 or 5:30 and miss Around the Horn. I’m one channel away from when PTI ends to go and watch Around the Horn. It’s often timed so perfectly that it’s seamless. Right when I flip the channel as PTI is ending, Around the Horn is beginning, much like the transition between Around the Horn and PTI to begin with. This is quality television not only in terms of content, but as well as delivery.

A comparison I will draw is Seinfeld. Multiple stations have a Seinfeld hour where two episodes play back to back. I know I want to watch the second episode of Seinfeld but they give me an opportunity to change the channel. Why do they do that? I’m here waiting for the show to be played. When an episode begins and I’ve watched the first third I’m way less likely to change it when compared to when an episode has ended and the next one hasn’t begun. There’s no commitment there. When I’m 7 minutes invested, I’m way more likely to keep watching as opposed to 0 minutes invested. Why wouldn’t every station do this?

While I do praise ESPN on this note, I should say this: One Saturday there were four shows being played simultaneously on four different ESPN channels that I would have liked to watch and at one point ALL FOUR were on commercial. Someone should be fired for that. I took it personally and chose to stick it to ESPN by refusing to watch a single one of them because that scheduling there was so terrible.

Sam: 1
ESPN: 500,000,000 – 1

Please give your opinions

Gourlay and I were hanging out with two girls last night that we’re both friends with. Upon arrival, the three of them asked me a question which I will pose to my blog readers because I would like more opinions. The debate ensued for the entire night for what it’s worth.

What is more fitting to the definition of “sex” or you could say who is more capable of having “sex”? Two guys or two girls?

When asked this question I answered without hesitation “Two guys”. Gourlay’s response was “and why?” to which I replied “because there’s penetration.” I followed that up with “Scissoring is just weird to me.” Apparently I had more or less quoted Gourlay’s answer to the question word for word.

I look at it like this, and I’m going to be as crude as possible. The definition of sex is a man inserting his penis into a females vagina. With two men you’re replacing a vagina with a butthole and with two women you’re replacing a penis with either a vagina, a mouth, or a finger. My argument is that a butthole is closer to a vagina than a penis is to any of those three (vagina, mouth, finger). In 99% of cases a finger or tongue cannot penetrate a vagina, or butthole for that matter, as much as a dick can. Also, both the penis and the butthole can receive sexual pleasure while a mouth or hand/finger cannot.

Another aspect of the argument is this. If a girl (or guy) gave a guy a BJ, I would say they most definitely have not lost their virginity. But if a guy boofed a girl (or guy) I would say they have both lost their virginity, or have at least come much closer to the definition of losing their virginity than a girl (or guy) giving a BJ. I also say this because sex is supposed to be pleasure for both parties, but for a BJ someone is “giving” and someone is “getting”.

Please give your opinions. It can be as simple as “guy on guy” or “girl on girl” or you can go into detail and tell me what you agree/disagree with. I’m curious to know.

Also, our argument turned into a semi-sexist/gay/lesbian debate which I won’t get into because that’s a whole different topic. I support women, gays, and lesbians for what it’s worth.

*I didn’t include a picture to this post for obvious reasons.

 

Giving Back

I woke up Saturday morning at Jeff and Tom’s place with Gourlay, Jonny, and Jonny’s friend from school. It was about 9:00 when we decided to walk to the Reading Terminal Market for some food. After a long time deciding, I settled on a bacon, egg, and cheese on a bagel. I was hungover and barely managed to eat half of the bagel. I wrapped up the other half and eventually we began our walk home.

On the way back we saw a guy sitting on the sidewalk against a wall with his head down and a sign that read “Hungry. Anything helps.” Initially I didn’t think much about it because this wasn’t the first homeless person I had seen. We got about 10 feet by the guy and then it hit me that I had this bacon, egg, and cheese with me that I didn’t really want anymore. I walked back to the guy and held out the sandwich. It took a few seconds for him to notice but he looked up and I said “Bacon, egg, and cheese?” He reached out, took the sandwich, and said “Thank you so much brotha” and began to eat the sandwich. I caught back up with the group and we finished out walk back. I don’t know why but giving that guy a sandwich was potentially the highlight of an incredible weekend. The idea that I probably made that guy’s day by giving him that is a weirdly good feeling.

Then, yesterday I decided to go for a run. I was on Jarrettown road on the right side of the street and I was coming up on a little boy and little girl who were on the other side of the street. As I got closer the little boy ran out to the sidewalk across the road and kind of gestured towards me. I looked over at him and he pointed down the street to a little soccer ball that was rolling away probably 100 feet down the road. I gave him a thumbs up and said “I got it.” and continued running down the road for the soccer ball. Once I retrieved the ball I punted it as hard as I could in the opposite direction of the little boy. That didn’t happen but I lol’d when I thought about writing it so I decided to write it. Anyway, I started running back towards the little boy and girl with the soccer ball and handed it over. The little guy gave a nice “thank you” and I was on my way. This interaction gave me the same weirdly good feeling as giving food to the hungry man.

Going out of your way to do nice things for other people is surprisingly rewarding. Not that I wouldn’t have ordinarily retrieved the ball for the little kids but it was odd that I had the opportunity to do so right after I gave the sandwich to the guy. I doubt my actions in the future will change dramatically but after those two events I might go an extra step or two out of my way to help someone else out if the opportunity presents itself. I imagine it will probably be worth it.

Oh Riley Cooper

This Riley Cooper news is taking over SportsCenter and it’s getting ridiculous. I want to watch sports, not this. The guy said the N-word spontaneously while he was drunk at a Kenny Chesney concert and got caught on video. Should he be using the N-word? No, and especially not in a public place like that. He’s ‘asking’ for it when he does something like that. But this whole thing is getting so ridiculously blown out of proportion.

First off, I really do wonder that if he was black, would this be an issue at all? My thought is no, it wouldn’t, but that’s not the point. Second, the thing happened over a month ago. People are getting on his case and saying that an apology now doesn’t mean anything. Do you honestly want the guy to come out and say “I’m not sure if I’ll get caught for this or if anyone even cares, but I might have said the N-word last night while I was drunk, so in case anyone is offended, I’m sorry.” No. Do I think he’s actually sorry? Not really. I don’t think the guy is a racist, he was just drunk and he’s an NFL player so he obviously has a lot of testosterone. He should throw an apology to the security guard he was talking to because it was offensive but more than anything he’s probably scratching his head wondering how he’s the headline on SportsCenter for some incident that happened a month that he probably doesn’t even remember.

He should be more aware that because he’s an NFL player (and a bad one at that) he might have cameras on him in public so he shouldn’t do something like this. Some people are saying that he should be suspended or released. Seriously? If NFL teams released every player who’s said the N-word in an offensive manner then they wouldn’t be able to fill their rosters. Cooper happened to get caught on tape.

Riley Cooper didn’t mean anything to the public before this mess and in about two weeks he will still mean nothing. He’s getting his 15 minutes now for an unfortunate reason but the guy isn’t very significant in the NFL. He wasn’t an icon of a raging bigot before this incident and he won’t be afterward either. He’ll be like Kendry Morales in the MLB, the guy who hit a walk-off grand slam then broke his ankle coming into home. If Kendry Morales ever came up I would probably say “Isn’t that the guy who broke his ankle after the walk-off? What an idiot”. When you mention the name Riley Cooper people will just say “Oh isn’t that the guy that said he was gonna fight every n*gger at that concert? What an idiot.”

Now, don’t think I’m supporting the fact that he dropped the N-bomb, I ‘d bet he was acting like a drunken asshole, but I doubt he’s a huge racist and I think this thing has been blown up so much it’s just stupid. As sick as I am with watching the whole A-Rod thing, that will actually have a historical impact on the MLB. This will have little to no effect on the NFL in a week.

Drugs in Sports: MLB vs. T&F

A-Rod and Bolt

The MLB and Track & Field are making headlines for steroids. It’s well known that usage is present to an extent in both sports. Unfortunately for me, I believe baseball is going the right way and T&F is going sort of in the right way, but not quite as head on as baseball.

Bud Selig, the commissioner of the MLB, is now actively seeking out users and trying to impose suspensions. Alex Rodriguez, one of the biggest names in modern baseball is one of these people. The guy has 647 career home runs which is good for #5 all time. He’s signed through the year 2017 so it would not be totally unrealistic to think he could get 115 more home runs in his career assuming he stays healthy to overtake Barry Bonds for #1 all time. You can’t really fry a bigger fish than A-Rod.

Bud Selig and the MLB are seeking a LIFETIME BAN for A-Rod. Now, I’m aware the lifetime ban isn’t strictly for steroid use, but also trying to obstruct the evidence against him, but they’re not letting anyone go for anything. They’re showing no mercy (well a tiny bit) and if they had it their way the guy would be gone from baseball forever. I know the MLB and the players have not approached it like that in the past but that’s how it should be approached and it’s good to see that not only the MLB, but the players as a whole are on board as well for taking down the cheaters.

Track is somewhat different in my opinion. The busts of Gay and Powell were about the 2nd and 3rd biggest busts you could have. But the different between those two and Bolt is light years apart. Compare it to Baseball. Bolt is A-Rod, Jeter, Bonds, Sosa, McGwire, etc. all rolled into one. He is the ONLY face of track and field (although you could argue Mo Farah is starting to get pretty big). Most people would say that him getting busted would ruin track but the real track fans are rooting for this guy to get busted.

The heads of the sport should be (secretly) thinking the same thing and actively making sure that drug tests are regulated in Jamaica. As of right now, Victor Conte, who famously led the BALCO scandal, is now pulling a Jose Canseco/Tony Bosch and cluing everyone in that the Jamaican government was/is in on the doping for these guys and are not only covering it up, but sponsoring it too. Look at these numbers. The following is how many drug tests were performed by each country’s doping administration last year on their athletes:

  • Russia: 15,854
  • China: 10,066
  • Germany: 8,077
  • Italy: 6,794
  • Britain: 5,971
  • Australia: 5186
  • US: 4,051
  • Jamaica: 106

Jamaica sent 50 athletes to the Olympics. That means each athlete was tested twice throughout the entire year.

Those in charge should be going after this like a motherfucker. But unfortunately, it seems as if they’re not. The head of the IAAF (International Association of Athletics Federations), has recently said that Bolt testing positive would be a “DISASTER” for the sport. Him saying it would be a disaster says it all. Compare that to Selig and A-Rod. Selig wants him gone forever. Granted Bolt hasn’t tested positive yet, well as far as WE know, but still this guy has control over that and is heavily invested in the sport, he has so much incentive to cover up a Bolt positive test. It should be the complete opposite. A Bolt positive test should be viewed as a victory, a triumph. The sport itself would be bigger than those participating (as we’re seeing now with the MLB and A-Rod and Braun) which is how it should be. The problem is, T&F doesn’t have a big following and to 90% of the world, Bolt is the only T&F athlete they would recognize. So him testing positive would make the sport look ‘bad’ but anyone with a brain already knows the guy is doped and that if we take him out then we truly (almost) have a clean sport because if far and away the biggest name can’t get away with it, no one can (as far as the IAAF and WADA know).

Obviously I’m not saying Lamine Diack should come out and say “We’re pretty sure Bolt is doping because he’s so fast so we’re just going go all out and try and get him” but for the love of god at least act like you want to catch the dopers. Having regulated and random drug tests is a place to start. They’re making a disgrace of the sport. It’s popularity is bad enough but when the public knows some of the athletes are doping it makes it even more of a joke. To quote Seb Coe recently who called for stronger punishments and longer bans for athletes who test positive for PEDs, “It is about trust. If fans can’t trust the athletes and go there knowing what they are watching is questionable, then we will descend to American wrestling where most of the crowd know it is fake and, worryingly, don’t care.”

Crowes, Phish, and Vampyres

I haven’t done a music post for a while and this one will not be as creative or thoughtful as usual.

For the last 2-3 weeks I’ve been listening to only two bands; I’ll start with The Black Crowes. I listen to The Black Crowes greatest hits CD when I’m in the car. I’m still learning their songs and although a lot of their stuff sounds similar I think they’re pretty good and pretty underrated. People only know She Talks to Angels and Hard to Handle and I doubt half of the people who say “I know this song” could name the band that sings it. Jeff showed me the song Thorn in my Pride a while back which I think is their best song, tied with She Talks to Angels. Pretty much no one I know has ever played a song by them or acknowledged their existence which I don’t think is justified. Other good ones in order of quality in my opinion are Wiser Time, Sting Me,  Remedy, and Bad Luck Blue Eyes Goodbye.

Phish is the other band I’ve been listening to. If I’m listening to music and I’m not in the car, I’m listening to Phish. Before now I knew a few of their songs and thought they were pretty good but never dove any deeper. I downloaded their album Rift and have been listening to it non-stop, way more than the Black Crowes. Also, I’m aware I’m ~20 years late. Their songs are relatively long with a lot of jamming and harmonizing vocals. Instrumentally they’re incredible in my opinion. They can make a lot of really catchy riffs and come up with a ton of quality jams for minutes at a time in nearly every song. Perhaps this type of music suits my current situation at work where the music acts as sort of a background and I don’t totally have to focus on it, kind of like Shine on you Crazy Diamond when I was doing work in the library. It’s hard for me to pick songs that are better than others because they all kind of have the same “Phish” sound but they’re all so different. From Rift I would say It’s Ice, Length-wise/the Horse/Silent in the Morning, Fast Enough for You, Sparkle, Rift, the Wedge, Horn, and Weigh, are all great (almost the whole album). If you listen to anyone of those and like it you’ll probably like the rest.

Finally, one song has snuck in between Phish while I’m sitting at home. Vampyre of Time and Memories by Queens of the Stone Age. I don’t know why but the way the beat is played in this song draws you in after about 1:10. It never quite hits a pinnacle I don’t think which is kind of disappointing but for whatever reason I’ve been listening to this song a lot lately.

Enjoying the weekend

I think I’ve done a good job lately on not posting about what I’m doing in my life. People generally don’t find those posts as entertaining but I’m going to recap last night because I think it’s worth it. The biggest problem with these posts’ are thinking of a title.

Yesterday was the Dr. Dog and Lumineers concert. Jeff, Pat, and I drove to Philly to begin our pre-game around 6:00. We played a few games of beer pong and I absolutely terrible. Evan was my partner and took us into triple over time. I didn’t hit a single cup in any of the over times and hit maybe 2 of the initial 6. It was a terrible showing. We had a nice buzz going and then made moves to go to the concert.

It’s about a 40 minute walk from Jeff’s place to the Susquehanna Bank Center which was a lot of fun. We walked over the bridge with some beers, did a few shots, and were there in no time. It was perfect time as well because right as we got there Dr. Dog was coming on stage. They were very good live in my opinion. We set up base camp right next to young college girls which made for entertaining conversation. Naturally I didn’t seal the deal with any of them but it was still fun to talk to them.

The Lumineers came on and the place was packed. We were sitting pretty far away so at some point John and I decided to move up closer. We advanced to the edge of the lawn and were constantly repeating “Ho! Hey! Ho! Hey!” regardless of what song was playing. Out of nowhere the Lumineers walked off the stage and began playing on the lawn literally 10 feet from John and I (see video below). In hindsight it was pretty crazy that that happened but at the time it seemed completely normal.

After the concert is where things get interesting. John, his female friend, and I got separated from everyone and began our trek home. Our plan was to walk across the bridge back to Philly but the staircase we got on was locked. We walked out to the road, ran 50 meters to the side walk of the bridge, and hoped over the rail onto the sidewalk. The girl was trying to catch a train back to Upper Dublin and we were on a time crunch. We started running and when we got to the end of the bridge the gate was locked. John and I could have probably climbed over it but it was unrealistic and unsafe to think the girl was going to get over. We contemplated our decisions and then decided to call the police to let us out.

After 10 minutes a cop shows up, unlocks the gate, then proceeds to write the three of us tickets for trespassing. We were kind of in disbelief, we were trying to be safe/responsible by calling them and we got in trouble. 10 minutes after the cop showed up we were still waiting there and then I hear someone call my name. I turn to the bridge to see Pat and his female friend on the other side of the locked fence. I couldn’t believe it. The cop let them out and wrote them tickets too. Only two groups walked across the bridge after the concert and they were both members from our whole group, how were we the only ones to have that idea and go through with it?! I don’t really know where I stand on the ticket. It seems like BS but it’s only like $50 so I may just suck it up and pay.

After the citations we met up Jeff at a bar, did a few shots, and walked home. On the walk home Jeff convinced me that we had more right to be in Philly than anyone else because our family has been there for 160 years. I agreed and started yelling “Scabs!” at everyone else in reference to this absolutely hilarious Seinfeld clip. We made it home, had a few laughs, then went to bed.

Today was an almost equally exciting day. Tom and I played a few games of ping-pong and I was struggling losing 3 out of 4 games. Then Addashee showed up and I caught fire. I won 4 straight singles games then we switched to doubles where Tom and I mopped the floor with Adam and Pat. It was nice to play ping-pong again and to know I haven’t lost my touch completely.

The final exciting part of the day was a bet between the Shee and I. He insisted the sidewalk shot was doable while Tom and I begged to differ. I gave him 30 to 1 odds on 20 shots that he wouldn’t make one. If he missed all 20 I got $10 and if he made one I gave him $300. He talked a lot of crap leading up but failed to hit the rim on a single shot. Naturally he didn’t have any cash on him (I’m one to talk) but it was a bigger moral victory than anything.

That concludes a great weekend. If every weekend were this good I would be a happy man. Back to the grind.