The Butt Fumble

I drive home for my lunch break around 12:15 and head back to work around 1:00. On Friday’s I always stay home to watch the SportsCenter top 10 worst of the worst. These are more entertaining than the real top plays in my opinion and I almost always lol at at least one of them.

For 40 straight weeks, the infamous Butt Fumble has been an unstoppable force among SportsCenter’s worst of the worst and rightfully so. Every Friday I watched as other #1 worst plays tried to dethrone the Butt Fumble but every single one failed. It didn’t matter what kind of play it was, what sport it was, the Butt Fumble was always the winner.

Today SportsCenter retired the Butt Fumble from their worst of the worst. While it was so obviously going to win every week, it was time to move on and allow others a chance. A 40 weeks straight winner is a record that probably won’t be broken any time soon. This play had to be retired because no other play would ever be able to dethrone it, it had already rolled through 400+.

I absolutely love this play and lol every single time I watch it. Mark Sanchez had a chip on his shoulder after making the AFC Championship game twice and being unable to reach the Superbowl. People said he was just a guy who couldn’t get the job done. Things have spiraled downhill for him since those two games. He’s come up short in pretty much every important game and proved that he is almost certainly never going to be a big time quarterback.

The Jets were struggling and this play is the epitome of a failing team. It’s embarrassment, disgrace, shame, and failure all wrapped up into one terrible football play. You could tell from the get-go that Sanchez looked like a chicken with it’s head cut off. The way he falls down is spectacular and perfectly symbolizes the Jets as a franchise over recent years. Unfortunately for Sanchez, this is what he will be most known for.

I want to dedicate this post to the Butt Fumble because I love it so much. I’m sad that I won’t be able to watch it every Friday to lighten things up. Inject some humor into your Friday afternoon and watch the play a few times.

*The $1000 911 Call

I had my court hearing today for the Ben Franklin Bridge incident. I’ll start by saying that the whole thing is chaos. There’s a shitload of people and bodies are walking in and out at all times. The whole thing seems incredibly unorganized but then again I don’t know of a better way to do it.

We walked in at 8:30 and our case was heard around 9:45. Initially we agreed to an Obstruction of Traffic which would have been a fine and a little something on our record but no big deal. The judge immediately threw it out and we had to do something else. What we ended up settling on was a Disorderly Persons and received the maximum fine of $1000 each. I was stunned. How in the hell is what we did worthy of a $5000 punishment? We’re filing for an appeal to a lesser sentence and hopefully a lower fine but it will cost around $200 alone to file the appeal and get copies of the police transcripts.

*I’ve since learned that it’s $75 to submit the appeal and $500 per person to get a copy of the police transcript. Even if we appealed and won it would cost us more than $1000.

This is my first time really dealing with the law and I’m not impressed. Essentially, we have a case and not only are they not understanding what happened, but they’re refusing to listen to what happened as well. From what I could tell and from what I was told by multiple people the prosecutor and judge were being very rude and unreasonable and now the five of us are stuck owing New Jersey 5k. What we did was so insignificant compared to the punishment. The police don’t even have their facts correct but apparently it doesn’t really matter because they’re probably not going to listen to us anyway.

We didn’t hop any fences which is what the police were saying (although what we did was illegal) and we decided to call the police on ourselves! That was apparently a $1000 mistake right there.

I’m not that upset about the fine itself but the whole thing just seems… wrong, for lack of a better word. To the court this case isn’t significant so they don’t treat it with too much attention and I understand why, but it just seems wrong that we’re essentially getting in a lot of trouble for something we didn’t really do. If we sat down with someone who knew the law and we explained the facts of the case then had them determine our punishment based on that, it wouldn’t be what was served. But with how things work, it just seems like it’s more time than it’s worth. I’m fortunate enough to be able to pay the $1000 without it doing much damage but even some of the others in our group couldn’t pay that off right now if they wanted to, and all because we called the police on ourselves. I have certainly lost some faith in the judicial system when dealing with small crimes because this has to be considered a violation of the 8th amendment and the decision was based off of almost zero information.

Had this been considered in Philadelphia and not Camden it would have been under $100 and roughly the equivalent of a parking ticket. You live you learn I suppose.

Meeting the New Guy

New Guy Comic

At some point tomorrow I will meet my new cubemate. I’ve had a double cube to myself for the past three months but that is now going to change. We’ve hired a new fellow by the name of Brian who will be joining me. In my mind, best case scenario is a work-a-holics type set up. We’re constantly having fun and making the day go by faster. There’s a reason I don’t believe this will happen.

About a month ago we hired a new female in the support department. In my mind, best case scenario was a young attractive female who was cool. As far as I can tell, she fits the bill on all three of those, especially the attractive part. I’ve said a total of TWO words to her, “Thank you” when she held open the door for me. Granted she doesn’t sit in a place where I would ordinarily walk by, but still, she’s exactly what I would have hoped for in a new co-worker but it doesn’t really matter.

Back to the new guy. If the same thing happens with him as did the new girl, I’d have a young cool dude sitting next to me that I’d never really talk to and take advantage of a good situation. Hopefully the fact that we’re sitting in the same cube will help us bond a little more but still, I’ve had a few cubemates in the past and conversation rarely went beyond “good morning” and “have a good night”. Perhaps this is my fault, in fact, it’s definitely partly my fault. I don’t feel totally in my element when interacting with others at work which is unfortunate. Ideally this new guy will be like me and him and I will jive really well. That would make integrating with other groups much easier as well.

For all I know though, this guy could be completely the opposite of me. I don’t know his age, look, interests, background, where he lives, etc. so it’s a total crap shoot. I should look forward to situations such as this as developing relationships with people is what drives life. He’ll naturally look to me as his go-to because I sit his friggen cube so hopefully that will make things go smoothly but if I don’t make a quick impression he’ll leave me for whoever he works with more often.

I will do my best to take advantage of this situation. This is what growing up is all about! Once the new guy and I become best friends then I’ll ask the new girl out for a drink… That’ll be the day.

22nd Birthday Weekend

Now, I know what you’re thinking, I didn’t post for three days over my birthday weekend so I must have had an awesome time and was way to busy to put out any content. Boy you couldn’t be more wrong. I’ll quickly recap my 22nd birthday weekend.

Friday began as usual, Madmex with Gourlay. We got a buzz going then headed to my house to figure out what we were going to do. After a game of horse and a beer or two we had nothing. The best thing we could think of was the casino and that’s exactly what we did. We headed to Parx. I put $100 on black as I walked in the door and was insta-down $100. I figured it was my lucky day but apparently not. I bled away another $100 and Gourlay lost his stack as well. After probably an hour we decided to cut our loses and head home.

We arrived back at the Stortz residence before 10:00pm and were fresh out of ideas. We drank some beers and then Jonny showed up. Shockingly enough, Jonny didn’t have any brilliant ideas either so the three of us headed to Lancer’s for some food and then called it a night. What a birthday!

I drove up to OC NJ on Saturday morning to hang out with Rob, Satch, Abud, and a few others. The day consisted of college football, good food, beach Frisbee, and a nap. The night is where the drinking began. I was bonging beers like I was back in college. At 12:30, yes 12:30, we headed out to the bar. When at the bar we were playing flip-cup but needed a few more people. After briefly looking around I saw one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen, one of the only sure-fire 10/10s I’ve ever been around. I was in shock. I decided to put my smooth shoes on and ask her and her friend to play. To my amazement they said sure and we walked over to our table. To my complete disappointment my group had stopped playing flip-cup. I looked like a total loser and tried desperately to get the game back together. It saved some face but it didn’t go as well as it could have, then again, it could have gone much worse so I was happy.

Two studs at the bar

The bar ended terribly. I saw a few friends from home by chance but I was a bit too drunk. I’ll spare the details but Abud and I cabbed home the 30 minutes at 3:00 in the morning and called it a night. The trip itself was overall really enjoyable. There were so many moments where I was laughing a lot but if I wrote them in this blog no one would laugh or think they were funny. I’d like to stay in touch with that group for years to come.

I headed home on Sunday and needed to recover. Between Sunday night and Monday morning Tom and I watched all 12 episodes of The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret. The series definitely had it’s moments but wasn’t anything to rave about. I spent a lot of the past two days playing basketball in my driveway, not doing anything exciting, and not blogging. It was a nice break from work but nothing special.

Tom and Jeff are home for the next 3 weeks or so which will be nice but with those additions, Gourlay has departed on his road trip so I won’t be seeing him until right around when Tom and Jeff move out. Good luck Gourlay.

Birthday Blunder

Today marks my 22nd year of being alive. That’s great.

But with birthdays inevitably comes something that bothers me a lot, the insincere “happy birthday”. I VERY RARELY write on peoples facebook wall for their birthday. I would say less than 5 per year, I only do it if I think I have something clever to say that could potentially bring a smile to the person’s face. To my good friends, I send a text if I won’t see them in person, that’s generally better than a facebook wall post, though exceptions can be made. I want to highlight two instances of Facebook wall posts that were good.

Cait Harley gets my top spot. I’m going to give you a background on me and Cait’s relationship. We lived very close to each other at Ursinus and I would say that probably 50% of the time we interacted one of us was blacked out. We never intended on hanging out but if we bumped into each other in the courtyard or in 103, a mutually desired stop-and-chat would sometimes follow. No offense intended, but I could probably name 50 people that I was closer with than her at Ursinus.

Your level of relationship does not matter in the birthday wish, it’s the message itself. Cait’s message on my wall today was the following,

“happy birthday! i hope you dont chip your tooth or wake up with your body painted blue/duck sauce in your hair/popcorn everywhere. eat a celebratory banana tho.”

This was a great message. It was personal and something I could actually read and think “okay, she actually put thought into this” as opposed to the basic “happy birthday!” from 90% of the other people. Reading her message brought a smile to my face but it wasn’t anything over the top. It probably took a minute to think of/write out.

Second place goes to Emlamb. This is somewhat unfair because she stole my brilliant idea but still, the principle is the same. Reading her message brought a smile to my face, though I won’t post it here because it’s long. It probably didn’t take her too long (even though the one I wrote her literally took half an hour), but it was much more effort than just seeing my name in the top right corner, clicking it, and typing happy birthday.

Honorable mention goes to Lauren Tadesco who I didn’t originally have in this post, but her and Cait literally summed up this post completely coincidentally on my wall moments ago. Lauren wrote,

happy birthday sam!! i hope you have a great day & beat a candy crush level

For the record, I’ve been stuck on level 350 and it’s pissing me off. Cait commented on Lauren’s post with “i feel like only we acknowledge the ‘if you’re gonna say happy birthday to sam its gotta be something weird’ tactic down”. Finally, another group that gets it. Lauren’s message wasn’t out of this world but it got the job done. It brings the personal element. I’d much rather read 10 personalized messages that have thought put into them than 100 stupid messages that have the same two or three words every time.

Don’t get me wrong. Writing ‘happy birthday’ unenthusiastically is better than nothing, but I would never waste my time with something so meaningless. Outside of my Facebook wall, I’ve had about 15 people either wish me happy birthday in person or via text. If you’re good friends with someone, that should be the go to method. If you’re not good friends with someone, writing “happy birthday” is pointless unless it comes with some personalized note. I wouldn’t say I count it as a negative, but those who just wrote “happy birthday” don’t go up a notch in my book when compared to those who didn’t write anything. I would never text Cait or Lauren happy birthday and if I was going to write on their wall it would be something more than that.

And to those who only wrote ‘happy birthday’, don’t feel bad. You didn’t do anything wrong, I’m not trying to insult you, these are just my thoughts on the topic.

That’s my rant for today. As for my birthday, I have no real plans, so if anyone has anything fun to do, please let me know.

Don’t be a Jackass

I understand that you’ve just finished a triathlon and you’re probably not in the best state of mind, but don’t be a jackass. The guy in 2nd was finishing hard before he even saw the guy in first. If I were him I would have blown right by him. AND the first guy could be dq’d for pushing the second guy (though that’s a stretch). It reminds me of this video, this is what I would have done

Hey Baby!

There’s an interesting ad on the radio that I’ve heard multiple times in the past few days. This is what it says in a nutshell:

“Are you pregnant? Will you be unable to provide for your child? If so, you can go to any hospital in Pennsylvania and drop your baby off without giving your name and be sure that your child will be in good hands.”

This is how I interpreted it:

“Are you pregnant? Will you be unable to provide for your child? Will this baby ruin your life? Will you be unable to make more irresponsible decisions because you’re constantly going to be caring for this baby? Will you still continue to make irresponsible despite having this child? If so, you can go to any hospital in Pennsylvania and just abandon your child in a way that will ensure you will NEVER hear from it again without killing it.”

I mean, C’mon. This is pretty much giving people who are unfit to have a kid, but stupid enough to risk it, another safety net. Instead of thinking that they should try not getting pregnant, they’ll just say, “Ahh fuck it, we can drop this little guy off and no one will ever know.” Nine times out of ten the kid is going to grow up in a shitty situation and never know who it’s parents are.

I’m pro-abortion. This is basically what abortions are for. Not only is the kid likely to have a below-average life, but if I was the person giving the kid away, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing that I have a kid out there but I’m unable to find it. Even if you managed to find the kid s/he would probably want nothing to do with you since you completely abandoned him/her. I don’t see why anyone would choose this alternative over having an abortion. You may recognize that you’re unfit to have a kid at the moment and give it up for adoption, but you still have the opportunity to see how the kid is doing and whatnot. In this case, you’re just saying you don’t give a shit about the kid and that you’re too embarrassed to do anything.

I would say that right now, given my current set-up, I could care for a child. If that somehow happened, I am financially stable enough to take the child in and care for it and give it a half-way decent life. In terms of my development as a human, I am not even close to ready to have a child. But as immature as I am, I would never think about having the kid and just dropping it off. I would either go with the abortion or man-up and take care of it.

I just don’t see how giving people this opportunity is a good thing. I guess it’s better than the kid ending up like this?

Capri Sun Challenge Failure Video

Here it is. Many thanks to Alex for filming and editing. Alex and I decided to film the whole thing because if I did accomplish the task, we would need full proof. I look like a fool in the beginning saying that people “were just happy they finished it in the 15 minutes.” JC begins his classic appearance around 2:00. The puke begins around 7:00.

Pre Capri Sun Challenge

I have returned from my vacation. I could dedicate an entire post to what I did for the last week but Tom already did so. If you’re interested in reading about our wild week in Lake Placid, click here. Just to clear up a few points from Tom’s post, the girls on the lake were not only AT LEAST 18, but I would say they were both 7.5s. Also, my golf experience was an enjoyable one. I shot an 80 on the front nine and a 62 on the back nine for a rousing 142. If I played a few more times I think those numbers would drop dramatically. Golf is fun and I see it being something I do often in the future. 

But anyway, to get back into the swing of things and to hopefully begin blogging on a regular basis, I will go to what I know well and what people enjoy seeing; challenges. Slade suggested I attempt the Capri Sun challenge. All you have to do is drink 15 Capri Suns in 15 minutes and not throw up. Also, you have to use real Capri Sun, not the 25% less sugar crap. Slade said he attempted it, got all of them down, and violently puked shortly after. I will film my attempt. For the sake of my blog, I hope I have a puke similar to the gallon challenge because that’s what people want to see. But in terms of personal victory, I’d like to complete the challenge.

The large amount of sugar is going to make this challenge not fun. Getting the liquid down will not be a problem, keeping it down will be. I’ve made an effort over the years to avoid soda and other high sugar things (well kind of) so my body might not be ready for this. We’ll see what happens. I will post the video tonight once the challenge is over.

Take a Break

This is the first time I’ve ever done this but I think I’m going to “officially” take a break from the blog. Tom just wrote a post that pretty much said don’t expect anything until after our vacation is over and I’m going to go ahead and say the same thing. I can’t put my finger on it but ideas for blog posts have completely vacated my mind. Because of that, I’m going to put the expectations to rest and just tell everyone that I won’t be posting until after vacation is over, 8/26. Now people won’t be disappointed when day after day I don’t have any new material. Now they can expect it and if by some miracle I do post over vacation, it will only exceed the extremely low expectations. I’m in good health, perfectly happy, and very excited for this vacation. I know it will be difficult, but try to enjoy this next week without the aid of the Bansheemann7 blog.