Explaining 4chan and /b/

As the internet continues to evolve, the communities within it grow and grow. From what I can understand, Reddit has become one of the biggest and most popular communities out there. I personally have been on Reddit exactly one time. Like most people who visit a site for the first time, I found it confusing and felt lost. I never returned.

Instead, I have “joined” a different community, the /b/tards of 4chan. I’ll start from the top and do my best to give a give a good description of /b/ without holding anything back.

What is 4chan and /b/?

4Chan is a website that was created by Moot (Christopher Poole). Within 4chan, there are dozens of boards to visit, focusing on a variety of topics like politics, fitness, anime, etc. 4chan is unique because it does not archive any of the threads that are made. There are 15 pages of threads for each board with 15 threads per page, and a post will bump a thread to the top of page 0. If a thread is not posted on, eventually it 404s and everything from that thread is irretrievable, unless someone took a screen shot. On the pages that display the threads, they show the OP (original post) and then the three most recent posts. Threads have a limit of 500 posts before they 404.

The most popular board on 4chan is /b/, or the “Random” board. The other boards have a strict set of rules, but/b/ is essentially anything goes. I very rarely venture outside of /b/.

As a general statement, the users of /b/ are arguably the most vile, perverted, pathetic people on the internet. Since every post is anonymous, you can post anything about anything with no fear of consequences. I would NEVER want my kid to go on /b/.

Worth noting is that each post is assigned a number. As I’m writing this post, there have been about 537 million posts on 4chan.

What do you do on /b/?

Tom said he tried out 4chan but basically didn’t know what to do when he was on it, so I’ll tell you what I do. Page 0 is the page containing the most recently posted in threads. I never go outside of the page 0. When I first go on to /b/, I scroll through to see if there are any threads I’m interested in, and if I see something I like, I’ll open it up in a separate tab, then keep going through to see if any of the other threads look interesting. I’ll refresh the page a few times and do that until I have a few threads that I want to check out.

What threads are popular on /b/?

Well, /b/ is the random board, so you can make a thread on absolutely anything. Here are the more popular ones, some I like, some I don’t:

  • YLYL – “You laugh, you lose”. The goal is to post funny content to make other posters laugh. This is where I get the majority of my funny gifs/pics. There are a lot of variations of this such as YBYL (you boner, you lose), YSYL (you save, you lose), etc.
  • /b/ decides what to say – This is where the OP lets /b/ decide what to text someone, or message someone via facebook based on the ending numbers of a post, EX: “4 decides” (any post number ending in 4 is the message that will sent). A thread I have open now is “you know the fucking drill, anything goes. a 7/10 from high school, either get me laid or get me blocked.” 
  • Feels/Baww – Most /b/ users are depressed and in a bad life situation, meaning a lot of them are depressed. Feels/baww threads consist of a ton of images or stories that make you want to cry. I’ve cried multiple times from reading some of the things in these.
  • Background/cool pics – The title speaks for itself. My FB cover photos as well as my desktop backgrounds are courtesy of these threads.
  • Beta/cringe – Post pictures of “betas” or pictures that make you “cringe”. An example would be a screenshot of some huge nerd posting on a hot girls wall asking her to hang out and play poke’mon or something weird.
  • Rule34 – In the rules of the internet, rule 34 states that if “if it exists, there is porn of it”. Literally anything you can think of, rule 34 applies. I scrolled through /b/ just now to find a rule 34 thread specifically requesting TMNT. There is plenty of content in that thread already. I avoid these threads.

While these are popular threads, there are many others that show up frequently, and they still make up a very small % of the total threads, just because there’s an incredible amount of random stuff.

Terms to know

If you’ve never been on 4chan or other similar sites, it can honestly be like reading a different language. Here are some of the popular terms used, though I’m leaving at on out:

  • ITT – In this thread“, meaning, what the thread is about. EX: ITT why America is the best.
  • Newfag – Being called a newfag is the worst and most widely used insult. It indicates that you’re new to the site and you suck. EVERYONE is pretty much a newfag.
  • Dub/trips – If the last two or three digits of a post number is the same. EX: 44, 111
  • MFW – “My face when…”. Accompanied by a picture which describe your face/reaction after something happened. EX: mfw my cat is actually my dog.
  • TFW – “That feel when…” Accompanied by a picture which describe your feeling after something happened. EX: tfw my cat dies.
  • An hero  – Committing suicide.
  • Timestamp – A picture with proof that whatever is happening, is actually happening and not just an old picture. EX: If someone posts a pic a ton of percocets and says “I just ate 10 perks, what should I do”, you’d request a timestamp to know they’re not trolling.

A few screencaps that made me lol

other hand disabled

grandpa trips

god is not real

unifitz

preschool penis

Lackluster

It’s been a few days since I posted. As my mother said, this has been a very “social” week for me. Tuesday was Fireside trivia. Wednesday was Miller’s with people from work. Thursday was Ursinus. And yesterday was BYO Bowling. The first two nights were “drunk nights”, the third night was a hammered night, and last night was a strong drunk night.

I don’t have much to update on and I know these posts aren’t everyone’s favorite, but I do have a few posts in my pipeline. However, I will be unable to get to them today, as I’m heading to Valley Green with my mom and sister to run and eat the Inn afterward (I’ve been to Valley Green probably 500 times and have never been to that inn). After returning home I’ll likely be out the door on my way to Philly to hang out with the brothers and a few friends. That will probably occupy my entire Saturday.

So what do I do when I don’t have time to create my own material? Steal from others! Enjoy these gifs on behalf of 4chan.

casual stairs

fuck you simba

watermelon to the face

snail street

pug mess

Ben Franklin Bridge Bandits: Case Closed

Recently, us five bandits who attempted to cross the Ben Franklin Bridge had our court hearing to rule on the appeal of the ridiculous $1000 fine that judge A-hole thought was appropriate.

I was unable to be present at the appeal hearing because of work, but was informed that the new judge was completely on our side and reduced the fine to ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS compared to the outrageous $1000 that the initial judge had set.

This entire situation exposes the ridiculous nature of the NJ court system, and I would imagine court systems throughout the US (though I can’t say for sure).

The first judge didn’t give a shit about the situation or what we had to say, it was simply “They were on the bridge? Max fine!!!!” Six months and a few hundred dollars each later, a judge who actually took the time to look at the case saw how stupid a $1000 fine was, and reduced it to a much more reasonable $100 fine. I’m grateful that the fine was reduced, but this entire process was so incredibly unnecessary.

court car gif

There’s no reason this should have been settled SIX Months after the incident, it should have been settled the first time we appeared in the Camden Court House. However, it appears the state is so desperate for money that they gave us the choice, “suck it up and pay the $1000, or you can go through the big hassle of filing an appeal, and probably save some money” The appeal process alone cost almost $200 EACH which is insane, and was a waste of time for us as well as the judicial system. I don’t know how else to explain it.

The fact that things were taken this far, and took this long, to ultimately have the fine reduced to HALF OF WHAT IT COST TO FILE THE APPEAL is absurd. I imagine the sheer quantity of cases that the court house has to deal with is the reason for the inefficiency, but as someone with zero judicial experience, I’m flabbergasted at how the whole system operates.

Alaska is NOT….

John Yokomizo. I publicly apologize to John, as I falsely identified him as the anonymous poster Alaska. A few very-hard-to-explain coincidences popped up that made me believe John was Alaska, but now I realize I was wrong. I have removed the prior post that said it was him (what a dunce I look like).

Alaska, after all this time, and multiple wrong guesses, I am finally 100% sure as to who you are. The same rules apply as last time. Speak now, or be forever exposed!

Movin’ Out

There was background thread on 4chan that I was scrolling through and I saw the following (click to enlarge):

fight club BR

Aside from the “cool” look of the image, the quote under the combined face is what caught my attention, “This is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time”

I’ve been considering moving out for a few weeks now. After graduating I said to myself I’ll live at home for a while, save up some cash, then move out. In the summer I said something like “The earliest I could see myself moving out is November/December, and the latest would be around May/June” with the mindset that, a year after graduating, I should be ready to go out on my own.

Time has been flying by. It’s already March!!! It does not feel like it’s been almost a year since graduating. I’ve also made no progress towards moving out. A few weeks ago it hit me like a brick wall, “I want to get out of here”. No progress will be made, however, unless I start freakin’ looking for a place to move to. My life is ending one minute at a time, and I’ve let a lot of minutes go by since graduating without doing much. Some of those minutes have been filled with productivity, but others have not. I’m aware of the incredible situation I’m in right now financially, but it’s time to make the move.

Moving out of your parents house is a benchmark moment of becoming your own person. Beginning now, I’ll be actively searching, and hopefully within the time period I gave myself (May/June), I’ll be a full step closer to being an independent human being. The minutes may be ticking by, but I have a lot of minutes ahead of me.

What “I am” That Makes Me Proud

From Philadelphia

I saw someone post a Huffington Post article about how Philly is one of the most underrated cities in America. This was the inspiration for the post. I’m proud to be from Philadelphia. From the Eagles, to cheesesteaks, to Ben Franklin, to Wawa, and everything in between, being from Philly is a point of pride for me. Growing up I didn’t go into the city that often for someone who lived so close. However, as I’ve gotten older, and as my brothers continue to offer me places to sleep after hard nights of drinking, and as Laura and Brookes have moved there, I’ve been spending more time there. I haven’t been to many other big cities so it’s tough to make comparison, but I could see myself living in or around Philadelphia for the large majority of my life.

A Runner

running sam
Earliest known photo of me racing

This is probably my biggest one, though I had to put Philly first. Running has been the only passion I’ve followed through on to this extent. I haven’t taken to guitar, or work, or traveling, or anything else the way I’ve taken to running. I wear my short-shorts like a badge. I want everyone to know I’m a runner despite what they think about it. Even now, being as out of shape as I am, I cannot wait to start running again. There’s no better feeling than being in shape and heading out for a run after a day of work, class, or whatever. I understand that most people don’t like running, but that’s because it’s physically demanding for them. If you get to the point where 6 miles at a reasonable pace isn’t a chore, you’ll begin to understand the freedom/mindset running allows for. It’s a shame I’m not actually that fast, but hopefully I can pop off a fast marathon in the next few years.

A Stortz

Specifically referring to Stortz Tools. Whether or not I ever get into Stortz Tools, it will always be something that I’m proud of. Very few people can say they have a family business, and even fewer can say that it dates back to 1853. When I refer to the company, even though I don’t work there, I say “we”. We’ve been around since 1853, we’ve been in the same building since the beginning, etc. Even though I’m not quite part of it, I feel like I am. I love showing people around the shop and having them express their admiration. It’s a rare thing to be born into, and I was lucky enough.

An Ursinus Graduate

graduation nightI didn’t have that much school spirit in college. I didn’t go to the homecoming football game, I didn’t give a qua about who was voted King and Queen, I didn’t go to many of the on-campus activities, and I think the tuition is outrageous. I don’t think or say things like “I’m a Bear for life!”.

But I do feel loyal to a different aspect of being an Ursinus graduate. I feel loyal to Reimert, I feel loyal to the XC/track team, I feel loyal to 203, the fountain, St. Pedro’s day, the diner (specifically Eggs Benny), Frisbee & Volley ball in the Beach/Reimert lot, the Perk. These are the things I look back on and am proud of. Not “being a bear”.

A Drinker

drinking samNote, this is not “An Alcoholic”. I like being a drinker. Drinking has been the best social activity since the dawn of time. What’s better than hanging out with your best friends? Getting drunk and hanging out with your best friends. In my opinion, drinking adds to almost every social situation. While I think mixing an ego and drinking is stupid, I am proud that I can chug fast, and hold my booze. I’m also proud to be a two time UCXC Case Race Champion.

My Top 10 Video Games

10. Mario Kart Double Dash

A great four player game that’s fun for everyone. Sophomore year of college was loaded with this game. We would get back from lunch, class, practice, the library, it didn’t matter, if there were four people available, we were playing. The bias of the items makes it so the best person doesn’t always win which keeps everyone interested. Adding in the variation of Beer Kart (aka Kario Mart, Drunk Driving, etc.) is an added bonus.

9. Candy Crush/Bejeweled Blitz


I lump these two together even though they’re not the same. Tristain showed me Bejeweled Blitz and Seth and I would compete each week for the highest score. I would have hour long phone calls and would mindlessly play Bejeweled the entire time. Once I broke 1,000,000 I saw no point in continuing. Then CC came along and got me revved up again. I’m currently on level 530/530 in the normal world (beat 530) and like 80/130 or something in the dream world. It’s lost its flare since I’m done the main world but for months I was determined to get to the end.

8. FIFA


Few games get as intense as FIFA. Jake, Ian, and I would play any chance possible in high school and few things are as satisfying as beating Ian in FIFA (actually, in anything really). I don’t particularly like soccer but FIFA does a great job of making a 1-0 game exciting. I played a lot the past year or so with Nick and a bit with Gourlay so I’ve recently sparked the old flame I had for this game. You won’t hear me scream or curse as much in any other game.

7. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 1 & 2

I always thought COD was light years better than Halo and Gears. Fast paced, real damage, and noobs galore. I don’t know what else to say really. The game play was great and although campers annoyed the hell out of me, they were outweighed by everything else. Freshman year I vowed I would get a 25 kill streak for the MOAB but never did (I think my best was like 20) COD is actually a game I could see myself buying when I move out.

6. Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne

Another gem by Blizzard. Starcraft Brood Wars laid the foundation for me but Warcraft was my first big time RTS experience. Alex and I would hop on Vent and play custom games all night. From Footie Wars, X-Hero Seige, Golems, and every type of tower defense you could find, we played everything (except DOTA, that game sucked). There were so many different types of games and so many different ways they could play out. This is one that was no doubt better to play with someone else. Though I didn’t play the real game as much, that was equally fun, yet a little more stressful.

5. Super Smash Bros. Melee

This game was the ultimate “I’m better than you” game and as far as I knew, I was better than you. Friendships were strongly damaged because of Smash. Of the three Smash Brothers games, this one indisputably requires the most skill. I could tell you if I was better than you based on who you picked and whether or not you knew what the word “wavedash” meant. If you said “Link (or a host of other characters), and no, what’s that” then it was over. There is no better feeling than having someone talk shit on you about Smash, knowing that you’re going to win, and then pwning them.

4. Resident Evil(s)

The first video game to make me lose sleep. RE1, 2, and 3 for PlayStation were awesome and RE4 on GameCube put a great new twist on an old game. The combo of action and puzzle was perfect. They slowly introduced better weapons and harder enemies, all the while you never actually knew if you were going the right way. Some of those scenes made you jump whether you knew if it was coming or not. I remember this scene every single time I think of Resident Evil, and it scared the shit out of me no matter what even with the 1996 graphics.

3. Guitar Hero(s)

I knew I could get good at this if I wanted to, and for a few years, this game took over everything. I could play the same song for two hours straight trying to FC it with the right star path. My scorehero page says it all. For GH3: 56/70 FCs, multiple submissions on every single song, and I’m still ranked 191st overall based on my old scores. Reading the comments makes me realize how much of a loser I was. I wanted to be the best person that I knew at this game, and I was. Every now and then I’ll go back and try to beat an old score but I was so committed to this 5 years ago that I there’s no point in trying now.

2. Soldier of Fortune II: Double Helix

The game that inspired the post. Alex and I have been reminiscing about this game a lot recently. Smooth game play, great maps, fair weapons; it was the perfect FPS. I cannot think of any significant flaws. The best part of this game was the people you played with. Day in and day out you played with the same people. You knew who was good (Cracka, Inf, anyone in TM) and who was god-awful (Cavey, Grendel Prime, anyone in Kaiju). You knew who was cool and developed relationships, which sounds weird, but that’s what happens when you play with the same people everyday. Having played both, I don’t see how anyone can argue that any version of CS is better. Unfortunately the game has since died, but if people were still playing this, I would absolutely start again. There’s no adrenaline rush quite like shotty-charging the kitchen on Shop2 or nade-rushing the caseroom on HK1 to end that round in 45 seconds.

1. Diablo II: Lord of Destruction

File:Diablo II - Lord of Destruction Coverart.pngNo other game dominated my life quite like Diablo did. It was the ultimate RPG. The mental stranglehold this game had on me for 10 years was like no other. Everything else in life was an obstacle in the way of playing Diablo. The different character builds, items, and constant pressure to be a higher level and have better gear than your friends drove this game. I must have said “FUCK THIS GAME!” and quit 50 times, only to return to start from scratch. I’d routinely log 5 hour sessions only getting up to piss.  The game degraded as bots ruled Baal/MF runs and duped runes were all over the place, and I attempted Diablo III for a bit in college, but it wasn’t the same. In those prime years, this game consumed me unlike any other I’ve played.

Honorable Mention

Super Mario 64, GTA Vice City, Trials, Robot Unicorn

My First Groupon Purchase

A few months back I signed up for Groupon because I figured there was nothing I could lose. I had some extra cash and wouldn’t mind being presented with quality deals for something that I wouldn’t ordinarily do. After sending countless Groupon emails to my trash-can, I finally purchased something. I wrote a post recently about how I have trouble spending money on things that I don’t really need which received a lot of quality comments. Here is what I read which finally made me say “Ahh what the hell, I’ll buy it:

“One or Three 60-Minute Swedish Massages with Initial Consultation at Ovation Chiropractic. In a Nutshell: After consultation and pain exam, massage therapist eases tension, detoxifies muscles, and boosts circulation with clinical massage strokes”

I had a conversation with Laura about Groupon and said that buying a massage is something I would actually do. I’ve never had a professional massage but would imagine that for $30 and an hour of my time, it’s worth a try to relieve some stress. MassageI am a bit ticklish and have never responded well to people giving me aggressive “massages” (not that that happens often), so that worries me a little, but this should hopefully be as relaxing as it comes.

The problem will happen at the end of the massage when the Chiropractor will say “So, you have a spondy and want to train for a marathon, you’ll definitely need my help if you want to stay healthy.” I’ll kindly tell him no, which makes me feel bad because he’s getting jipped on the Groupon deal in the first place, but that’s how it goes.

$30 isn’t a lot and a massage isn’t quite sky-diving, but I’m moving in the right direction. I will surely have a post following the appointment.