Gambling Update

All things considered, gambling is probably bad in the long run. When JC tells me I have the gambling bug, then I know I have a problem. Last update I had ~460 in the account. Since then I’ve bet on every world cup game and my account is now at $607 after my first losing day (-$50).

My thought process is this. The world cup is over in a few weeks. I’ll ride out this gambling until then. If I lose it all, I’m not too bummed, since I only put $200 in to start. But at the end of the Cup, I’m going to take the remaining money in my account, cash it out, and buy things for me and/or my new house. The question is, what do I buy for my new house? I already tried to buy a Carl Brutananadilewski poster, but couldn’t find any.

Assuming the following results, here are some ideas. It doesn’t have to be an item worth the amount, it can be a combo, and it doesn’t even have to use up all of the money, it’s just, if I have the cash, what’s something cool I could buy for the new house?

$100 – There’s not much I can do here than I wouldn’t be willing to do as it is. I’d probably just buy alcohol, a poster for my room, and Kan Jam. In fact, after writing this, I’m going to buy a Kan Jam regardless. So that frees up $50 for this. Maybe treat Scott and Alex to dinner? Is that gaye? This wouldn’t be exciting enough to blog about because I’ll likely spend $100 anyway on things for the new house.

You framed an Asia poster
“You framed an Asia poster? How hard did the people at the frame store laugh when you brought this in”

$500 – Now we’re talking things you would think about buying, but probably wouldn’t unless you were absolutely sold on it. I’m buying a new computer when I move out, so maybe I’ll buy a nicer one? I definitely want some kind of poster(s) and with this I could buy not only nice ones, but frame them too so they don’t get destroyed. If I could get a full sized, framed poster of my current FB cover photo (Carl B.), I’d spend $500 on it in a heart beat. A new, nice guitar? Possibly a kegerator? I just Google’d them and some are $500, so that’s a definite possibility.

tips hat$1,000 – This is getting into a stratosphere that I’m not familiar with. I can’t even think of anything off the top of my head that goes for ~$1000 that isn’t full tard. A set of golf clubs? A really nice motor scooter? A 150 inch TV? A large section of highway? An awesome suit? A star? A child?! This is a tough one because most things don’t cost $1000. Maybe I’ll walk into the casino and put $1000 on black. But if I win I’ll come home and have this same exact problem, except it’ll be twice as bad. Odds are I’m not going to have to worry about this, but you have to expect the unexpected. I need a plan if I win $1000.

Please give me suggestions on what to buy. I’ll be sure to let everyone know if I keep winning. If you don’t see any updates it’s because I’m losing.


Out of Shape

Today marks day four of my comeback to running!!! I know you’re all excited, so am I. I ran six miles in the 90 degree heat at 7:30 pace and genuinely considered walking the last mile because I felt so bad running it.

This Sam would beat current Sam in a race.
This Sam would beat current Sam in a race.

Being out of shape is not fun. This is the most out of shape I’ve been in since probably 10th grade. If I went to the track right now, I would NOT break 5 in the mile. The thing is, I’m personally in bad shape, and don’t feel like running, but a lot of people are in even worse shape than me, and they definitely don’t feel like running.

I finally understand why people don’t like running. When you’re out of shape, there is no fun part of going on a run except for finishing. There’s no flying-along feeling where your legs are light and your steps are bouncy. There’s just slogging away step by step with no feeling of progress or elation. Running just sucks, and if you’ve never physically felt being on the good side of running, there’s no way you’re going to think it can get better.

Fortunately for me, I know things will get better, and although the next month is not going to be fun, I’m going to get back in shape. I’m not sure if my right leg is better yet, but I’m going to assume it is until it proves otherwise. I’ve been taking a lot of ibuprofen and hopefully it’s just a non-issue. The Marathon is almost exactly 5 months away which is plenty of time assuming no injuries.

I simply posted this because I don’t have anything else to post about.

Jess Greenberg – Like or Dislike?

I Youtubed “Under the Bridge” but had trouble finding a recording that didn’t have altered audio (copyright, gaye!). I got to the second page or so and saw the preview photo of the video below. How was I not going to click that?

Her boobs were obviously the reason I clicked the video. She’s not a 10, but she has a cute face, and one hell of a push-up bra. That is enough to get you 1,000,000 views. After a few seconds, I realized I was actually curious if she could play, and it turns out, she actually can. She’s a good singer, but not great.

Obviously people are clicking on her videos because of her tits. But since she actually has some talent, people stay and watch. So here’s my question. Do you respect her more or less because she’s using “what she has” in order to get her songs listened to? Or should she be like the thousands of other “talented” guitarists/singers on Youtube who go unnoticed?

youboobsI’m slightly torn. On one end, she has the power to get more views by showing her boobs like that. If that can get you 10x or even 100x more views, why the hell wouldn’t you do it?

But on the other end, I would think a part of her would say “I wish people would watch these videos because they like my music, not because they think I’m hot”. It seems like pretty much every girl hates being objectified as a sex-object, but that’s exactly what she’s doing. You can blame society (males) for responding so positively (clicking the video) because of her looks, but that’s not going to change.

In reality, I can find hotter girls (though not that much hotter), with nicer boobs (though not that much nicer), who are willing to do porn, all over the internet. I’ll likely never watch another video of hers because she’s nothing special musically and always keeps her clothes on. However, I can respect the fact that she’s getting millions of views by doing what she’s doing.

2014 NBA Finals

Sam was a very happy camper last night after the Spurs blowout win over the Heat to win the NBA Finals 4-1. I’ve made my stance well known that I don’t like the Heat and am a big fan of the Spurs. In fact, I wrote this post back in January saying the Heat won’t win the Finals (I also predicted they’d lose to Indiana in the ECF, but then the Pacers shit themselves). Though I didn’t specifically say the Spurs would win it all, I’d just like to point out my line of “They’ll [whoever wins the West] come full force to take the Heat out in a more-one-sided-than-everyone-expected series”.

I’ve also made it clear that I’m not a big LeBron fan at all. I’m still not a big LeBron fan, but you have to give credit where credit is due. LeBron showed up for these Finals. Make fun of him all you want for the cramps, I thought that was way overblown, but he was the only player on the entire Heat roster who showed up to play. Wade was garbage, Bosh was below average, Chalmers and Cole were non-existent, Ray Allen played alright, but no one stepped up for the Finals except James. Here are his lines for each game.

Game Points Rebounds Assists
1 25 6 3
2 35 10 3
3 22 5 7
4 28 8 2
5 31 10 5
Average 28.2 7.8 4

He didn’t play out of his mind, but 28, 8, and 4 are pretty solid numbers. He also shot 56% and 52% from three. He scored 19 points in the 3rd quarter of game 4, and his team was still getting blown out. Whether he averaged 28 or 38, the Heat were losing this series because no one else showed up.

I salute you LeBron

LeBron should not get much blame for losing this series. While I do give him credit for how he played, you have to flip the coin, and recognize that this Spurs team was awesome, and they deserve a ton of credit. They lost a heartbreaking series last year and pretty much came back and showed everyone that they weren’t fucking around. They outscored the heat by 19 points/game in the last three games, and two of those were in Miami! The level of team basketball these guy play is like nothing I’ve seen in my very short NBA-watching career. There are 5+ players who can be their best player on any given night. Tony Parker, arguably their best player, started last night’s game oh for freakin’ ten, and they were still blowing out the Heat. If LeBron started any of those games 0/10, the Heat would have lost by 50.

To sum, I give LeBron a lot of credit, and basically no credit to any of the other Heat players. The Spurs were undoubtedly the best team in the NBA this year. Most years the Finals aren’t as definitive as this year, and there’s some margin for debate. But the Spurs proved they were winning the it all this year and no one could stop them.

Winning Weekend

As the NBA Finals got underway last week, I had ~$90 in my Bovada account. I decided to make the Finals extra interesting and throw some money on the games. Between the NBA Finals, and the World Cup this weekend, I have profited big, way more than I have before in sports betting. Here are the bets I’ve made in the past two weeks.

Game Position Outcome
NBA Finals Game 3 Spurs +4.5 +47.62
NBA Finals Game 4 Spurs +5 +47.62
WC Uruguay vs. Costa Rica Over 2.5 Goals +60
WC England vs. Italy Over 2 Goals +46.15
WC Ivory Coast vs. Japan Ivory Coast Moneyline +80
WC Swiss vs. Ecuador Over 2.5 Goals +57.50
WC France vs. Honduras Honduras Moneyline -10
NBA Finals Game 5 Spurs -5 +45.45

All of this netted me $374.34

The World Cup bets were mostly advised by Gourlay who has had even more success than me. Betting on games can be a bad habit, but it adds flavor to an otherwise not interesting game. I don’t think I’ll ever lose more than a few hundred dollars here and there, and I probably won’t go on any runs better than the one I’m currently on, but I’ll enjoy the heater as it’s happening.

The other thing is, will I ever cash out? At what point do I say “Okay, it’s time to actually take some of this money out”? After that game, the total in my account is $469.58. I started with $200 and insta-lost $100 betting the Chargers moneyline against the Broncos. So I’ve basically turned $100 into almost $500. Is $500 the tipping point? Should I cash out $200 and play with free money? I don’t really know.

Basketball is over, but I’ll be certainly betting the World Cup games like crazy. In three weeks or so my account will either be four figures or $0.00.

A Second Too Late

A quick wit is something you either have or you don’t have. Most people don’t have it, but the impressions you can make with a fast, witty reply are incredible, and far outweigh the cleverness of the reply. In general, I’m pretty decent with this. However, I seem to be better with company like friends and family, and worse at it when it comes to important people at work and girls.

One time in particular strikes me as a total game-changer, where I thought of a perfect line about 15 seconds too late, and I’m still kicking myself a year later.

sam n mike
High School Studs

It was May 2013, and I was at Princeton for a weekend with the track team for Mike’s graduation. I walked outside to join a few of the guys at the round tables. Unlike before, there were four girls sitting with them, none of which I recognized. I figured they were Princeton girls whom everyone knew. There were two average looking ones, and two smokin’ hot blondes, easily 8+ in my book with great bodies (this should have made it obvious they weren’t Princeton students). After a few minutes I realized these weren’t Princeton girls, these were girls from the town of Princeton who were just enjoying the free drinks. This was good, as me and the other guys were on an even playing field.

Crushin’ it at Princeton Reuninons

We all drank and talked into the night as things started picking up. For some reason we had to move tables, and what do you know, I found myself sitting in between the two hot blondes (much to the dismay of a particular Princeton track team member). It boiled down to mini conversations, because it was too loud to talk across the table due to the music, so naturally my conversation was between me and the two blondes. Fortunately drunk Sam was on his game that night. Good talk was flowing and it seemed they were buying what I was selling. It hit a point where everyone at the table got up to dance or go somewhere except for me and the two blondes.

And then it happened. A golden opportunity, and I flushed it down the toilet.

We had noticed that one of their friends was dancing a bit wildly, and I asked if she was the crazy/party one of the group. One of them responded with something like “Yeah, do you think she’s cute? You should go up and dance with her“. two blondesIt’s hard to explain through text a year later, but the vibe was there with these two, and Sam had a chance. But I blew it with my response to that comment. 15 seconds after my boring response, I realized what I should have said something like “No, I’m more into blondes” or any clever variation, but it was too late, the damage was done. I said some generic boring response followed by a kind of awkward pause that sort of killed the vibe we had going for the 15 minutes we were alone at the table. After that, we decided we should join the rest of the crew on the dance floor. The night continued, and one of the guys hooked up with the wildly dancing girl, but that was it, and we parted ways anticlimactically, never to see them again.

facepalmIt doesn’t sound like much, and I probably wouldn’t have pulled the trigger since the two girls were definitely out of my league, but that line would’ve been a difference maker. Also realize when I say “the vibe was there with these two” and “I wouldn’t have pulled the trigger with these two“, I’m not implying a threesome. I probably don’t have the balls to pull that off, though that would’ve been awesome. I was probably a tiny bit too buzzed to think that quickly, but I remember how pissed I was when I realized what I could have said, and that I blew it.

To sum it up, quick wit can be the difference between blacking out and peeing yourself (what happened) or a threesome with two hot blondes with great bodies (what didn’t happen).

World Cup 2014

The big news is that the World Cup starts tomorrow. I don’t dislike soccer. I actually enjoy watching it, going to Union games is fun, and I absolutely love playing FIFA. Although, when I was in first grade I got so fed up during a soccer game because I sucked that I sat down in the middle of the field. But whatever, I didn’t hold a grudge.

Soccer is undoubtedly the most watched sport in the world. The World Cup is a unique event and I will probably go out of my way to watch a few games. However, I don’t really care about it. The thing is, I don’t follow it at all. Could I name the big players and good countries? Sure, but so could anyone who watches Sportscenter every day. I have no doubt that if I lived in any European or South American country, soccer would be my favorite sport, and I’d be probably be diehard the way I am about running now, or at least the way that I’m a pretty big NBA fan.

The thing is, I didn’t grow up in Europe or South America. I grew up in the one tard country that, despite having a huge population, hates soccer. I don’t know why that’s the case, but America doesn’t go for soccer, and with me not being exposed to soccer enthusiasm for the large majority of my life, I never took to it. The fact that I personally don’t like playing it makes it worse.

Soccer will never be my thing. But even the most hateful anti-soccer people have to look at the World Cup and appreciate what it gives to the world. The Olympics has a similar effect, in that it unifies the world, but everything is segregated by event. The World Cup joins everyone in the same event, and even if your country didn’t make it, you probably have a team you’re rooting for. I personally will be rooting for the US (obviously), and Germany, because I’m 50% German.

So even if you hate soccer, I’d say give the World Cup a try. If you still hate it, look at it this way, soccer is only in the spot light once every four years in the US, so just suffer through it now and you’ll get four more years of Football before you have to deal with it again. If you can’t beat em’, join em’.

In honor of the world cup, here are all the soccer gifs I have.

dirty play

soccer headshot

soccer fail

pocket fail

baby rudy

Reading Books

I just finished the Eric Clapton autobiography. I read 320 pages in about two weeks which is odd for me. I’m not a big reader and usually don’t have a book that I’m reading. However, after this Clapton book, I think I’m going to change that, and make an effort to read more. I just need things to read that I’ll like. My mom gave me a book today called “Wild” and I’m skeptical, but will try it. At the moment, music biographies seem way more appealing than anything else, but I want some other ideas on what to read, so please give suggestions if you think you know something I’ll like (please let this post get comments, please let this post get comments!).

In the meantime, here are some books I’ve read within the past 5 years in no particular order. You’ll probably notice a trend.

Clapton Really good. You can get lost in all the names he throws around, and the last 30 pages dragged on when his life became normal, but I liked it a lot.

Once A Runner – In general, the dialogue bothered me but the story was good. From “The Interval Workout” to the end is an A+.

Running With the Buffaloes – One of my favorite books of all time. Adam Goucher was the absolute man. I remember I couldn’t wait to get out of class so I could go to the library and finish this one.

Outliers – I didn’t actually finish this one. I read about 200 pages in one day on the train to DC. The concept in general is really interesting, but once I got home I didn’t even think to finish it.

Predictably Irrational – A book similar to Outliers that talks about human behavior and why we act the way we do. Very interesting with a lot of good experiments presented.

Sub 4:00 About Alan Webb in high school and college. Nothing to see here.

Running for my Life – Lopez Lomong’s story. I read it in a day or so. It was an easy read, I’d recommend it but nothing special.

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs – A Chuck Klosterman book which was kind of like this blog, except way smarter and each post is a chapter long. A very entertaining read from a really smart guy.

Klosterman IV – Same as above.

The Big Short – A good book I read for class about the recent economic melt down focusing on the crash in the housing market. I didn’t think I’d be interested but I liked this one a lot for some reason.

Running with the Kenyans – A running book for non-runners. A guy goes to Kenya and lives among them for a while. I found it especially cool that he met so many famous/elite runners, but it could have been better.

50 Shades of Grey – Started reading this summer to see what the fuss was about. I’m embarrassed to admit how much I wanted to keep reading, but by the end, I didn’t really think it was a good book or anything.

There are probably more, but I can’t remember off the top of my head.

Pros & Cons of Being a Cat

In fourth grade I got a 44% on a math test involving long division. When I showed my mom the test score, she took it worse than I expected, telling me that I would need to get a tutor. I remember running upstairs to my parents room in tears and petting one of my cats, thinking to myself “I wish I was a cat, they don’t have to go to school. Being a cat would be so much better than being a human.” 15 years later I’m going to analyze if that’s the case. Also, I’m speaking as if I’d be a Stortz cat, not a stray or something.


  • You don’t need to worry about educating yourself or doing long division.
  • Humans very rarely want to hurt you, and almost always want to pet you.
  • happy kittenYou never need to go shopping, as food is always given to you.
  • Catnip, essentially a hard drug, is readily available. In fact, humans want to see you messed up because they think it’s funny.
  • You can sleep literally anywhere at anytime, and humans don’t mind.
  • It’s not unacceptable to have non-consensual sex with others (solid triple negative).
  • Entertainment is simple because you’re so stupid and don’t realize that it’s just a shoelace or a leaf or your tail
  • You can piss and shit anywhere you want, and as long as a human doesn’t see you, you’re probably in the clear (unless you’re an only cat).
  • Speaking of shitting, you don’t have to wipe (you couldn’t even if you wanted to) which is always a hassle.
  • Cold weather doesn’t bother you too much because of your fur, this is a big plus.


  • You’ll almost always have your genitals cut off, and libido is non-existent.
  • Personal hygiene is a problem, you can’t brush your teeth or bathe, which would really bother me. No offense to Trooper, but his breathe and overall smell is that of poop.
  • The only feelings you have are hungry, scared, tired, and curious, am I missing any?
  • There are no organized sports leagues, or even a way to play organized sports, aside from hunting.
  • Sad catOther cats are assholes for some reason, which would make daily life annoying.
  • Since the other cats are assholes, you probably won’t have a go-to friend to tell funny stories to.
  • Even if you did have big muscles/a nice body, you wouldn’t be able to show them off to the other cats because of your fur.
  • The Binder’s dogs can fit under the fence, and although they’re small and probably couldn’t kill you, it’s still really scary.
  • A lack of opposable thumbs would cause problems daily, though I guess you’d get used to it.
  • Although food is always given to you, you can’t snack whenever you want, you have to wait.
  • Humans constantly pick you up or make you do things you don’t want to do (I’m guilty of that as a human).
  • You generally die within 10-15 years of being born


All in all, it’s a tough decision. The basics of life are extremely easy and simplified, such as eating and responsibilities, but the deeper meanings such as relationships and sex are essentially all gone. In reality though, cats don’t know what they’re missing, so the good gets better, and the bad doesn’t even exist anymore. I suppose it depends on the person, but I would like to try out being a cat.

The Tragic Life of Sam Stortz

I’m reading Eric Clapton’s Autobiography which Jeff gave to me a week or two ago. He pretty much had an insane life that was full of drugs, alcohol, and crazy stories. He also experienced so many tragedies, for lack of a better word. To start, he thought his grandparents were his actual parents for the first like 5 years of his life, and when he found out who his mom actually was, he asked if he could call her mom, and she said no. He was a heroin addict three years, he had countless close friends die, he was a raging alcoholic, he contemplated suicide on many occasions, he had two children with other women while married, and one of those kids whom he loved very much fell 49 stories to his death at the age of four. I’m not even done the book yet, he’s only 46 at this point, so more is to come.

To compare, when looking at his life, I’ve experienced basically zero tragedy. Here’s a list of the most tragic things that have happened to me in my life, in order of the amount they impacted me as a person (least to most).

  • I failed photography in college for being stupid
  • I broke both my arms in second grade, one my fault, one not
  • I killed a bird while driving, bird’s fault
  • I got caught drinking in 10th grade by my parents and started crying
  • I forgot the password to my Diablo II account which had my level 90 Amazon on there (best character I’ve ever made)
  • I lost my running log which had four years of info in it, this actually pissed me off a lot
  • Tristan decided to not come back to school after Freshman year
  • I’ve had seven oral surgeries to remove 28 total teeth, kind of cool actually
  • I’ve lost more than a dozen cats, though the most important two are still alive (Trooper and Sneezy), Melvin was tough to lose
  • I lost all of my grandparents by the time I was about 14, to be honest I wasn’t that close with them though
  • I had top and bottom braces on going into college, as if I didn’t already have enough trouble getting girls
  • I missed conferences my freshman year in 3 events by like 1 second each
  • I was known as the toothless kid in middle school, probably the reason why I sucked at talking to girls growing up
  • I asked a girl out in 9th grade and she said no, she texted me today asking if I wanted to run with her
  • Mark left senior year
  • I was diagnosed with a “spondy” junior year after a great XC season which effectively ended my collegiate running career

I’ll add more if I can think of them, but that list seems exhaustive. I’m probably missing one or two important ones, but they can’t be that important if I haven’t thought of them yet.

Basically, nothing that negative has happened in my life. No very significant deaths, no life altering events (the spondy a tiny bit), just your run of the mill BS.

It makes me wonder how I’ll react when something actually happens. When Clapton’s son died, he had to go to the morgue and identify the body, and he pretty much said that he didn’t grieve like normal people. He was very introverted, as always, and didn’t openly display being that sad. Nothing in my life has happened where I could react in a way that was extremely outwardly emotional in a negative way.

I guess I should be happy though, right? Tragedies are bad, but everyone always says the lows make the highs that much better, right? I don’t really know where I’m going with this.