An Unfortunate Start to My Day

25 minutes into my drive to work today, I knew I was in trouble. I had a sneaking suspicion that my tire was flat, but it wasn’t until I turned onto 309 (a highway) that it became 100% apparent, and I couldn’t travel any further without putting myself in real danger.

I pulled off onto the side of the highway, got out, looked at my tire, and it was flat as an 8 year old girl. God. Damnit.

My tire changing experience prior to this incident is as follows:

  • Gourlay got a flat tire while him and I were driving home from Lancers at 1:00 AM. At the time he was driving a 1938 Honda Civic that weighed as much as we did. We put the jack in the wrong spot and messed up the under-side of the car, but we replaced the tire successfully.
  • I got a flat tire driving to the high school for a track meet. When I returned to my car, I saw the flat, and with help from a group of others, we replaced the tire.

This time I was on my own, going to be late for work, and in the freezing cold. Here’s how my experience went down:

  • I pulled over at 8:40 and called my parents, neither one of them answered.
  • I got the jack out of the back of the car, and spent 5 minutes trying to lift the car up.
  • I couldn’t do it, so I went back in the car to read the owners manual.
  • I tried again and got it working.
  • I undid four lug nuts, with the fifth one being the “wheel lock” which I did not know.
  • As I was contemplating how to get the “wheel lock” off, a service truck pulled over to help. THANK GOD!
  • He had a tool for putting on and removing lug nuts, and we flew through the rest of the process.
  • I tipped him five dollars and he accidentally left his glasses on my car.
  • I made it to work by 9:30.

It wasn’t fun, and it was freezing cold, but if I get a flat tire again, I’d be confident I could change the tire with relative ease which is a very handy thing to know. It was a good learning experience, and I’m no worse off now.


Ads Reaching New Levels

FB AdsSince starting a blog, I look at life differently. Constantly in the back of my mind is “Would this make a good blog post?” 

Since starting my job in marketing, I look at life differently. Constantly in the back of my mind is “Is this good marketing?”

Is the above Facebook ad  good blog or marketing material? Good enough for me!

In short , they’re basically taking personal information and presenting it to consumers as a way of selling their products. I can 100% see people being creeped out by this. However, as someone involved in marketing, I can say that ‘they’ know WAY MORE than just your last name. Personally, there’s no way in hell I’d wear a “Keep Calm and Let STORTZ Handle it” hoodie. I am that arrogant, but I’m not that much of a tool. But I’m NOT creeped out by them using my name.

This is the beginning of a transition. Slowly but surely you’ll see ads that expose a bit more of information they know about you. Eventually, they’ll cross a line, and more people will be turned off than turned on, but I don’t think using a last name is close to that line.

Get used to it things like this.

Final Marathon Training Update

This will be my last running related post before I run the marathon. I ran one day last week. It was a three mile run and my knee bothered me. I won’t run again until the race. There are three things that can happen here:

  • Have no issues, but just be out of shape, and run something like 2:55 – 3:00 (40%)
  • Have no issues, and be in better shape than I expect, and run 2:4x – 2:55 (40%)
  • Have issues, and walk it in for a 4+ hour finish (20%)

Since expectations are low, I’m going to make sure I run a smart race. Before the decline, it was sub 2:40 or bust. Meaning maybe I’d have gone out in 1:19 and blown up. Since I have no real time goal now, I’m going to make sure I go out easy and just enjoy the experience. I think sub 3:00 is a gimme.


Things I’m Embarrassed to Admit

I Frequent 4chan and I’m a /b/tard

I go on 4chan daily (specifically /b/). People look at 4chan as the absolute bottom of the bottom in terms of internet activity. The amount of hatred, racism, sexism, fluffy porn, gore, an hero attempts, etc. I’ve seen is disturbing. But buried underneath it all is a type of humor you basically won’t find anywhere else. The creativity mixed in with the “do it, faggot, you won’t” attitude, can have me lolin for minutes on end. I do not recommend this to everyone, but once you get used to it and can sift through the garbage, the content on 4chan is absolute gold.

I Text and Drive


The main reason I’m embarrassed to admit this is that I’m so upfront about yelling at other drivers who text and drive. When I see someone on their phone who makes the slightest mistake driving, I lose it. However, I text and drive probably every day. I haven’t gotten into any accidents, but I know it’s not a good thing to do, and especially not a good thing to make a habit of. The person who can end texting and driving and replace it with something better will become a billionaire.

I was a Guitar Hero

Babes play GH also.

We’ve started playing GH recently on Dexter street, and of course I have to spill the beans that I’m amazing at it. I’m not embarrassed to show off that I’m good. I like showing that I’m good, because it means that when I take something seriously, I get good at it. HOWEVER, I am embarrassed about my Scorehero page. This page documented my GH days from Junior year in HS to Freshman year in college. Here are some of the comments on a few songs:

  • Before I Forget – “WOOOOT!!!! RE-FC with path!! xbl for proof, lost most in bridge… stupid whammy”
  • Avalancha – “redux + path = 17k moar points”
  • Take This Life (1607/1608 notes hit) – “ON THE VERY LAST NOTE!!!! I’M ABOUT TO TAKE MY OWN FUCKIN’ LIFE”
  • Through the Fire and Flames (finally 750k!) “suck on that u piece of shit… first run of the day! 99% sams solo too… this was a really good run”
  • The Devil Went Down to Georgia – “hit some beast parts (victory solo’s B, E, and F) but blew some others… with a little more practice i could get 600k”

Just a stud.

I “black out on the reg”

To put it bluntly, I black out from drinking often. It’s not something I try to do, it’s just something that happens. My close friends know this, but when I meet new people, this isn’t information I like to share. This is also something I wouldn’t want my co-workers to know. The older I get, the less acceptable it becomes. Will I change my ways? Not any time soon. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to admit it.

I’m Terrified of Bees

Bees are without a doubt my biggest fear. Snakes? No problem. Spiders? Meh. Bees? GTFO! Logically speaking, I know the worst a bee can do is sting me. But my fear of bees has been carved into my brain so deeply at this point that when I see a bee, the panic switch flips, and I’m gone. It’s impossible to look cool when you’re scared of bees.

25 Ways to Tell You’re Grown Up

I flip-flop between thinking of myself as a grown up versus a kid.

When I pay bills, talk about health insurance, and say things like “Yes! I get my bonus this quarter!”, I feel grown up.

However, the fact that I still black out regularly, play a ton of video games, and don’t flush the toilet after I pee, make me feel like a kid.

Someone shared a list of the 25 ways to tell you’re grown up. So here’s the list, and whether or not I’m a grown up.

  • Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
    I don’t own house plants and I don’t smoke, so this doesn’t apply.
  • Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
    I slept in a twin bed my entire life until nine days ago, so this, is not true.
    One for kids
  • You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
    This is 50/50. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. No points awarded.
  • 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
    I don’t wake up that early for work, and I don’t go to bed that late on weekends. No points awarded.
  • You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
    I don’t even understand this.
    One for kids.
  • You watch the weather channel.
    I don’t watch the weather, but I do regularly check the app on my phone.
    One for adults.
  • Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up”.
    I’m still in kid phase for this, but the transition is happening right before my eyes. I’m not there yet though.
    One for kids.
  • You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
    One for adults.
  • Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up”.
    This is true. I feel dressed up in jeans and a sweater, but if someone told I had to get “dressed up”, I would think suit and tie.
    One for adults.
  • You’re the one calling the police because the kids next door won’t turn down the music.
    C’mon bro.
    One for kids.
  • Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
    I don’t really see my older relatives, but probably? I don’t agree that this makes you a grown up, however…
    One for adults.
  • You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
    I used to eat fast food every so often. I basically never do anymore.
    One for adults.
  • Your car insurance goes up and your car payments go down.
    I am making car insurance payments (kind of), and will soon be making car payments.
    One for adults.
  • You feed your dog science diet instead of McDonald’s leftovers.
    No pets. Null.
  • Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
    I sleep on the couch probably once a week and it never makes my back hurt.
    One for kids.
  • You take naps.
    I always have to choose “take a nap, or play COD“, and the answer is always play COD.
    One for kids.
  • Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
    No dates = not applicable.
  • Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3:00 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
    Substitute Desandro’s Pizza for chicken wings, and I do this every weekend to plan ahead for hangovers.
    One for kids.
  • You go to the drug store for Ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
    As a runner, I take Ibuprofen like skittles. Condoms are for nerds.
    One for adults.
  • A $4:00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit”.
    I don’t drink wine, but the equivalent is Natty Ice. I’ve upped the quality of my drinks substantially since moving out.
    One for adults.
  • You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
    I rarely eat breakfast, but I had two cookies today for breakfast.
    One for kids.
  • “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again”.
    I can drink the way I used to, and I do drink the way I used to.
    One for kids.
  • 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer if for real work.
    Trending that way.
    One for adults.
  • You drink at home to save money before going to the bar.
    I drink before the bar because I’m uncomfortable being sober in a social setting where I don’t know many people, not to save money (though that’s nice). Null.
  • When you find out your friend is pregnant, you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh shit, what the hell happened?”
    For 99% of my friends, the latter would be the case instead of the former.
    One for kids.

Total score:
Kids – 10

Adults – 9

It will happen sooner or later, but for now, I’m still a kid.

This is a bad post

I feel obligated to post on Mondays since I don’t post on the weekends anymore. So what happened this weekend?

Well, I went out in Manayunk both nights and both were successful. I could tell you about the chugging contest I got into with Hayley’s female friend at the bar (winner), or Rob and I competing in the multiplication of two numbers under 50, also at the bar (loser), but those aren’t that exciting. I could also tell you about the absurd amount COD I played – seven hours on Saturday and four on Sunday – while tallying nearly 1,000 kills and a K/D above 2.0, but that is boring as hell.

I have some posts looming, but nothing that could materialize on a Monday. I’ll be eagerly watching the Eagles tonight, as Maclin and McCoy need 40 total for me to win fantasy. I’m also looking forward to the first Sixers win. I’ll go ahead and call the Celtics on the 19th (meaning a 0-10 start) or the Nets on the 26th (0-14). They are really something else this year.


Recent Birthdays

Here’s a brief summary of recent birthday activity.

  • Yesterday was Tom’s birthday. He just wrote a post about how he doesn’t care. We exchanged about 10 texts and three pretty long emails yesterday. All of these were discussing a fantasy football trade he proposed to me. The only mention of his birthday was me saying “Do you think I’ll accept just because it’s your birthday?” I didn’t get him anything.
  • Alex’s birthday was last weekend. I blacked out and spent little of the night with him. I didn’t get him anything.
  • Amanda’s birthday was the week before. We went to the Old Eagle on a Thursday and I went home early. I gave her the cuckoo clock I won from the half marathon.
  • Gourlay’s birthday was three weeks ago. Trooper died. I didn’t get him anything.
  • Slades birthday was a month ago, I got him a Wawa giftcard because I know he’s poor and I make 27 grand an hour.
  • Today is Liz Reynolds’ birthday from school. I texted her something genuine. I didn’t get her anything.

The long and short of it is this – I don’t care about birthdays. I guess it’s genetic since Tom doesn’t care either, and I know the Stortz’s (at least the boys) forget at least one birthday a year.

I look forward to the social aspect, but I don’t need to get a gift from everyone. Conversely, I obviously don’t feel like I need to get everyone a gift. Birthdays are a good excuse to see your friends and enjoy a night together.

Gourlay was very generous and bought me Dr. Dog tickets. Alex was very generous and fixed up his old electric guitar and gave it to me. Amanda and Hayley baked me a cake. I am thankful for these things, and they did make thing twice about getting these people something their birthdays, but in the end, I didn’t get anything. If a great idea comes into my head (the cuckoo clock), I’ll do it, but in general these don’t worry me much, and I don’t think they should worry others either.

2014 NFL Playoff Picture Predictions

I’m no Chris Berman, or Adam Schefter, or even Lindsay Czarniak, but this was fun to do. I’m generally unbiased aside from the Eagles and, of course, Tom Brady.


#1 Seed – Arizona Cardinals (12-4) – NFC West Champions

They’re not that good, but San Fran and Seattle are in trouble. They don’t scare me. Two red-zone turnovers for the Eagles on the road, and they only lost by four.

#2 Seed – Philadelphia Eagles (12-4) – NFC East Champions

Tony Romo is paralyzed, Brandon Weeden can’t hit an open receive with a sniper rifle, and to seal the fate of the Cowboys, the Eagles are actually good this year.

#3 Seed – Green Bay Packers (11-5) – NFC North Champions

In week 17 the Packers and Lions will play each other for the division. I take Rodgers in Lambeau over Stafford on the road in the heart of winter any day of the week.

#4 Seed – New Orleans Saints (9-7) – NFC South Champions

The tard-division. The Saints were a popular pick. You don’t want to play them at home in the playoffs, so they may win their first playoff game, but nothing more.

#5 Seed – Detroit Lions (10-6) – Wild Card #1

Simply put, Seattle and San Fran have too tough of schedules (including two games against each other). They’ll knock each other out of it and Detroit is in by default.

#6 Seed – Dallas Cowboys (10-6) – Wildcard #2

Despite Romo being a question mark, I think they’ve played well enough to earn the final spot. They’ll win 4 of their last 7 and get bounced in the first round.



#1 Seed – The New England Patriots (13-3) – AFC East Champions

They’re firing on all cylinders. Brady is playing A+ football and Gronk is arguably the biggest difference maker in football. This is the team to beat.

#2 Seed – Denver Broncos (12-4) – AFC West Champions

Manning will continue to impress, and they’ll continue to be very good. I wrote 12-4 biased, 13-3 unbiased. Do they scare you on the road that much though?

#3 Seed – Indianapolis Colts (12-4) – AFC South Champions

I don’t think the Colts are 12-4 good, but their schedule/conference is/has been so weak. They’ll lose to the Pats this week, but win out after that. Luck is the real deal.

#4 Seed – Pittsburgh Steelers (11-5) – AFC North Champions

At 6-3 with three auto-wins left (Jets, Titans, and Falcons), the Steelers are a popular pick right now. You will not want to face Big Ben in the playoffs.

#5 Seed – Miami Dolphins (10-6) – Wild Card #1

Miami will lose to the Pats and Broncos, but I can see them losing only one other game outside of that (@Lions? Ravens?) for the rest of the season. They’re playing well.

#6 Seed – Cincinnati Bengals (9-6-1) – Wild Card #2

They’re not the team everyone thought they were after three weeks, but their record is good enough to squeak in. However, their playoff losing streak continues. The Chargers and Chiefs schedules’ are too tough, and the Bills are the Bills.