The RACE affects the CAUSE

I ran a 5k race on Sunday.


The event was about supporting the troops. Specifically building homes for disabled veterans. I support that cause.


The race was billed as a 5k and ended up being about 6k. I won’t go into the details, but it would have been very easy to make it a 5k. There were no mile markers.

Here’s what the race organizers are thinking

So what. What’s the big deal? The 5k was a 6k, and there were no mile markers. It’s not about the running. It’s about the cause.

Here’s why they’re wrong

Two types of people attend this event:

  • People who fully support the cause and will go no matter what.
  • People who are there for the race, and support the cause on the side.

The first group will come whether it’s a 5k, 6k, or 10k. They don’t care.

The second group will come to this event once to try out the race, and if the race is good, they’ll continue to come! Repeat racers = More $$$ for the troops!

But if the race is bad, then this second group won’t come after their first time. Less racers = Less $$$ for the troops! Many people asked me after the race how long I thought it was, because they knew it wasn’t a 5k. People cared. This race was not a good race.

I 100% agree and understand that it’s not about the race, it’s about the cause. But the race directly affects how much money you raise for the cause!

I support the troops. However, I also support cancer research, children’s health, helping poor areas of the city, etc. If four nonprofits held 5ks the same weekend to raise money, and I personally had to choose which to go to, I’m picking whoever has the best race!

Next Year

I would volunteer to be in charge of the actual race next year because it’s such a simple thing to do:

  • I would wheel out a 5k on that course which would take less than a half hour.
  • I would clearly mark where each mile was.
  • On race day, I would have a person or two stand by the first and second mile marks handing out water.

That’s it. That’s all you have to do to have a quality race. It’s not about the race, it’s about the cause. But the race can benefit the cause. Put effort into the race, and you’ll see positive results towards the cause. It may be a small gain, but the effort put in is so minimal that it easily justifies doing it.



Technical Mumbo-Jumbo

I heard an ad on the radio for the “Mazda 3 with SkyActiv Technology“. It didn’t go into any detail about what the actual fuck SkyActiv technology is, but they were pumped about it!

Technical jargon is used in two scenarios.

  • When everyone knows what they’re talking about.
  • When you want to confuse someone and make something sound awesome when the person hearing it really has no idea what it is.

I’m writing this section before looking up what SkyActiv technology is.

“Check out this cool image of a see-through car that you probably don’t understand!”

I have no idea what that means. SkyActiv? Like, it actively scans the sky for clouds so you know when it will rain? Or how bright the moon is so it can adjust your headlight intensity accordingly? Is SkyActiv a company that Mazda partnered with, or is it their own? I genuinely have no idea and the ad said nothing to inform me.

It’s very similar to Retina Display* and the iPad. It sounds cool, but no one who hears it knows what the hell it means.

I’m writing this section after looking up what SkyActiv technology is.

SkyActiv is a Mazda technology that apparently reduces fuel consumption and emissions without compromising performance. This is a slightly more clear picture, but it’s still mostly more jargon and BS.

“SkyActiv Blender with Max Blade Capacity!”

I don’t see any numbers like “SkyActiv increases your gas mileage by 10%”. It’s all, “Take the best part of every engine, put it in a blender, and viola, SkyActiv technology. Get a SkyActiv Blender complimentary with each new car sale”. I’m paraphrasing, but you get the point.

As a consumer, I have no idea what SkyActiv is or what it means or what it does. Not only that, but you don’t even try to tell me what it means! Just give me the bottom line. The info I want is clogged up with the info you’re giving me.


Corporations take advantage of the fact that we believe everything they say. I don’t know what SkyActiv technology is, but I assume because they’re telling me, it’s important. If Steve Jobs told me that Retina Display is important, I’m going to believe him, and it’s comforting to hear that my iPad has that.

I don’t even have an iPad.

*Retina Display is “brand names used by Apple for screens that have a higher pixel density than their previous models.”

Grade School Memories

Grace Choi and her mom walked in on me pooping in the single-bathroom in class.

1st Grade
I failed some standardized test and the teachers thought I was mentally disabled so I had to be taken out of class for an hour one day to prove I wasn’t.

2nd Grade
I table-topped Dana Lockard down a hill and she started crying and told the recess ladies on me and I got in trouble.

3rd Grade
Tie – Chot Kelly bit my arm and he started crying when the teacher yelled at him OR I put a plastic bag over my head and cried when the teacher yelled at me.

4th Grade
Tie – Kurt stabbed my palm with scissors when we were doing some arts and crafts activity and I cried OR I got a 44 on a math test in Mrs. Barlow’s class and cried when my mom yelled at me.

5th Grade
Kevin Castner drilled me in the head with a plastic chess piece during indoor recess and I started crying.

6th Grade
Kevin Castner pushed me in the back while I was peeing in the stall and I pissed all over my pants. I didn’t cry. Damn you Kevin!

7th Grade
I sucked the ink out of the back of a pen in the middle of English class and spit the ink all over my desk, then I got up and ran out of class.

8th Grade
Matt Teesdale used to call me “flathead” every day. He was probably the biggest bully in my life.

9th Grade
I clotheslined Jessi Lofton in gym class football and she went down crying. No TDs on me!

10th Grade
The principal came over the PA and told us that a student brought a gun into Springfield. The whole class was dead quiet for 10 seconds until Phil Mintz said “Damn! I thought we were getting out early!” Such a dipshit.

11th Grade
I was caught forging my mom’s signature for final exemptions and had to take my history final.

12th Grade
I got a 41% on an open note physics test, and that was WITH the 12 point curve. The next year I wanted to be a physics major at Ursinus.

Drew Mackin is 21

Drew wants me to write a blog about him turning 21. At least I think he does. I wrote a post when Slade turned 21. Drew’s birthday was in March I think and I haven’t seen him since.

Sam and drewDrew and I like to play Frisbee and HORSE together. One time we bet that if he beat me in HORSE, I had to write a post that mentioned him a ton without actually telling anyone I was doing it. This was the result.

We had a great 1500 meter race where he out kicked me my senior year. We also raced a 200 where every 67 meters we did 10 push ups. He beat me by about one meter. Fuck you Drew.

One time we were hammered and walked to the diner together at like 3 in the morning but it was closed. That was our first one-on-one bonding experience.

  • Drew was a freshman when I was a senior.
  • Plot twist – his sister also went to Ursinus, and was my year.
  • Double plot twist – she never liked me, so I became friends with Drew to try and get closer to her.
  • Not really a plot twist – it didn’t work, and now I’m just friends with Drew and not her. Total backfire.

Drew is one of the few people left at Ursinus that I actually consider a friend. The invite to come to Manayunk is always open, Drew (I’m too old to go back to Ursinus). Enjoy your last year at Ursinus. Now you can give no quas and not have people yell at you like they did two years ago.

Here’s a side shot of my nose, which I know you love.


We’re Back from Canada

The trip as a whole was a blast, and I look forward to Pat and Scarlett’s wedding. I’ll do a quick recap and post some pictures.

  • Seven and a half hours in the car with Gourlay goes by in no time!
  • Crossing the border was a breeze. We didn’t have anything illegal with us, but if we did, I don’t see how they would have known.
  • French is everywhere, but for the most part, everyone speaks English too (except the cab drivers).
  • We ate out for every meal and the food was fantastic. I had the best chicken parm of my life the last night.
  • We only had Wifi in the hotel, and in a way, it was liberating to not be attached to your phone the whole time.
  • It’s impossible to win money in their casino.


The whole gang
Enjoying some Cubans
Enjoying some Cubans
Our view from the Zip Line
Our view from the Zip Line
Right before he fell
Bike share.
Bike share.
Me and the Bachelor


President of the Kickers

I’m in Montreal

I’m in Montreal for a bachelor party. I don’t have access to data or internet unless I’m in my hotel. So this post is to let everyone know that. I lost $100 in the casino last night. I bet $100, go. t an 11 against a dealer 6, doubled down, and lost $200. So that was fun.

The money is cool, the people are diverse, and French is everywhere. A lot of people smoke too I’ve noticed. I’m having fun. HAGL.

Blurryface – Twenty One Pilots

Blurryface is the newest album from Twenty One Pilots (now out on Spotify).

If you liked their last album Vessel, then you’ll like this one as well.

I’ve only listened through a few times, but I’m a fan. It’s hard to live up to the hype of your first big album (see Imagine Dragons), but this stays true to what got them there.

Like Vessel, it’s mostly a mix of pop and rap/hip hop. Generally I lean slightly towards the poppy side of their music like House of Gold, Guns for Hands, and Holding on to You.

Favorite Songs

  • The Judge
  • Not Today
  • Ride

Least Favorite Songs

  • Lane Boy
  • Fairly Local
  • Message Man

Here’s the Judge.

Brett is the only other one I know who has listened to the whole album, so Brett, thoughts?

The Haircut Dilemma

I prolong my hair cut as long as possible because I think paying $17 per hair cut ($14 + $3 tip) every two months is kind of a lot.

When my hair gets long, I look stupider, less attractive, and less professional than normal. But I hate the idea of paying those SOBs more often than they deserve. So when I should get a cut after 7 weeks, I wait an extra week and then give in.

But then I thought about it – over the course of a year, if I’m getting my hair cut once every 7 weeks, that’s 7.4 haircuts a year. If I get my hair cut once every 8 weeks, that’s 6.5 haircuts a year.

The total yearly cost of cutting my hair once every 7 weeks is $126.

The total yearly cost of cutting my hair once every 8 weeks is $111.

I’m intentionally looking stupider, less attractive, and less professional, 45 days a year just to save $15.

It essentially comes down to this – is it worth 33 cents a day to NOT look stupid and ugly for those 45 days?

The obvious answer is YES! Get the haircut you dick!

This whole time I think I’m cheating the system and saving a fortune by not getting a haircut as often, but in reality, I’m the jackass!

Let that be a lesson to you all – don’t be stubborn about the money. Odds are, it’s worth the value you’re paying for. 

Manayunk Mile 2015

I’ll give a quick recap of the mile in case anyone cares (I know you don’t).

It was a perfect day for a mile – 65 and sunny. The course had some slight up and downhills and one 180 degree turn, so it wasn’t track-fast, but it was road-fast.

The four bros that beat me.

I ran like a poon and had too much left in the last 400. I ran 4:45 for 5th place. The four guys ahead of me were 4:32-4:36, so I wasn’t close to fourth. My last quarter was a ~66 (they closed in 60). Hayley and Chelsea (her sister) were there too cheer me on which was nice.

Overall, I’m in better shape than I thought. I’d expect my effort yesterday was worth 4:40 on the track (heard that before). With even splits and a perfect day, I think I could run mid 4:30s right now.

A life-goal I have is to have my PRs NOT be from when I was a teenager, but I was more thinking about the 5k and 10k, not the mile. Now I think I might actually be able to run 4:2x in the mile, which would be great. That’s a goal I have.

Go runners!

I Need to Tell Everyone About This!

College graduations are happening all over the place. But more important than those graduating, is publicly congratulating others for graduating.

Mother’s day was last week. But more important than spending time with your mom (or calling her if you couldn’t see her), is posting how she’s the best mom in the world. There are literally billions of best moms in the world.

Laura’s birthday is tomorrow. Why call her and say HB when I can bombard her Facebook with I-love-you posts like a group of siege tanks on a Zerg base.

This seems negative, but it would be so unnatural for me to post a status of something like “So proud of my classmates for graduating! You’re all going to do great!” What percent of the post is genuine and what percent of the post is just trying to appear like a good and caring person? That’s something that you can think in your head, but if you ask someone directly they’ll get offended.


I post basically nothing on Facebook except for the occasional link to my blog. The things I post on this blog are a little different, because it’s a blog, and you specifically visit the blog to see what I’m writing about.

Am I weird for thinking that people who do these things are weird?