Two days ago I was at the Rittenhouse Hotel for work. I wore a dress shirt and naturally I had pit stains before I even left my house. Me, being the smart guy I am though, packed a secondshirt.
Aside from the fact that I was self-conscious about my pit-stains for the full 3 hour work event, it went well.
I had planned to meet someone for drinks afterward. This is where the seconddress shirt comes in.
I go into a stall in the hotel lobby bathroom to change shirts, but the stall is clogged and there’s a terd the size of a softball floating around. Awesome. This doesn’t phase me though, because I’m not there for the stall.
I’m a bit flustered as I’m changing shirts so I hardly notice the toilet continually flushing because of the motion sensor picking up my movement.
Next thing I know, we have a breach. Water starts shooting out of this thing like a bidet and shit-softball is up next. I don’t even have my second shirt on yet.
I consider myself good under pressure.
In this moment, it’s about prioritizing. Do I:
Keep putting on my second shirt, accept that my shoe will get grossly wet, then leave.
My family has done a pollyanna for Christmas the last ~6 years or so. This year, it was suggested that we’d “make a list of what gifts you want and others can buy them for you”.
I’ve heard of other families doing this and I think it’s a TERRIBLE idea.
The whole point of presents is to be creative and get someone something they wouldn’t ordinarily get themselves. The pollyanna is nice because I know Tom would get my something completely different than Brookes, for example. Each person puts their own spin on the presents and the element of surprise is exciting.
What is the point of saying “I want this” if it’s going to be the same no matter who gets it for you? Plus, if I really want something throughout the year, I’ll just buy it myself.
Multiple people have suggested I create an Instagram account for my new blind cat, Melon (featuring his seeing-eye-cat Covy). Everyone has Instagram accounts for their pets, but because Melon has no eyeballs, and has a seeing-eye-cat, it’s unique.
The blind cat is amazing social media material. He’s super confident and has a high pain tolerance (he’s run into my metal lamp at full speed and didn’t bat an eyelash (duh, cause he doesn’t have any)).
I’ll get thousands (millions? (billions?)) of followers, and one of them is bound to like me enough to date me.
I’ll have a recorded history of these cats’ lives to show my future cats.
It puts pressure on me to post & think of clever stuff. I struggle enough with this blog, do I really want to add another thing?
I’ll get called out as a bad person for exploiting my blind cat for profit / to get girls (neither of which are happening yet).
When I get famous I’ll inevitably get caught up in some scandal where I’m filmed on the streets of Philly blackout drunk and everyone’s going to be like “Isn’t that the guy with the blind cat?! Pretty irresponsible of you, you cuck!!!”
Right now I’m leaning no, but could be convinced. Thoughts?
As an employee of a company who profits off of non-profits processing donations (wat), I try to do my part in making #GivingTuesday as big as possible!
Just the fact that you’re reading this blog means your life is better than like 3 billion people in the world.
There are thousands of causes to donate to; world hunger, homelessness, cancer research, blind cats, etc. and I guarantee you’re passionate about at least one of them. Do some research, pick a charity you like, and give back a little!
I had a good run at the casino two weeks ago, so instead of donating it back to Sugar House, I’ll be donating $200 each to two charities of the readers’ choice!
Please comment, text, email, call, write, whatever, which charities you’d like to nominate, and don’t forget to donate yourself!