Pope Frank is Coming to Philly

I don’t know much about Popes, but the quote below is the only quote I’ve seen from him, and it makes me like him.


It’s good for a religious icon to express acceptance of those who don’t necessarily practice religion. He’s kind of like the Obama of Popes in a way, except he’s white and old.

Him being in Philly doesn’t really affect me. My drive to work is fine and I just won’t go into the city this weekend. He’s probably saving me money. Thanks Pope!

Despite being a cool Pope, I really couldn’t care less that he’s here, and I have zero desire to see him in person. But it’s blog material, thanks again Pope!

Here’s what I would do if I were Pope:

  • Ban all bikes
  • Invite myself to Tom Brady’s  house
  • Heal Joel Embiid’s foot
  • Convince people that running is cool, and running fast is even cooler
  • Two chicks at the same time

Sick Days

  • Growing up, my parents never let me skip school unless I was sick.
  • In college I was sick twice to the point of missing class, once my sophomore year and once my senior year. Aside from that, I always went to class.
  • Professionally, in the 2.5 years I’ve been working, I’ve called out sick zero times. Any day off I’ve taken was planned in advance.

So I ask you:

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If you’re a frequent sick-faker, have you ever been caught? Any consequences?

Unfriend Me

Unfriend2I’ve been unfriending people on Facebook.

It’s liberating. Normally my Newsfeed is clogged with a bunch of shit from people I really don’t care about, but I scroll through anyway because I’m a mindless drone who goes through his routine day and day out.

In the past week I’ve unfriended 150-200 people, and it’s been great. I didn’t have that many friends to begin with, but now I’m really running low!

My criteria for unfriending was loosely:

  • Do I care about this person?
  • Have I seen or talked to them in the last three years (arbitrary number)?
  • Is there a chance I see or talk to them in the next six months (arbitrary number)?

If all three are no, insta-unfriend. Some are still an unfriend even if they do meet some of those criteria.

Benefits of Unfriending?

UnfriendIt’s simple – TIME! Reading or seeing pictures about people that I don’t care about is whatever. I don’t gain anything but I don’t really lose anything either – except time! Now, going through my Facebook Newsfeed takes me a minute as opposed to 5 or 10. I’ve wasted too much time scrolling through the Facebook home page, it’s time to save time. I suggest you do the same.

I Might Be Wrong

Rob has been anticipating this post.

I’m the first to admit it… I might be wrong

PatsA few weeks ago I wrote that the Eagles (12-4) would meet the Colts (13-3) in the Super Bowl, and that the Eagles would win. I prefaced that post by saying that you look like a jackass when you make predictions way far in advance and they end up wrong.

At this point it time, I’m looking like a jackass. The combined record of my “final four” right now is 2-6. The Eagles look poised for a sub .500 record and the Colts are exposed for having a good record because they play in a bad division, not because they’re actually good.

Revised Prediction?

AFC – Of course the year I pick Brady to lose he starts the season red hot. I apologize for picking against him to begin with. Brady and the Pats will make the Super Bowl again. As an aside, Brady will win MVP as well (with Gronk finishing top 5). They very well may win 14+ games.

ChipNFC – I’m going to stick with my homer pick of the Eagles. The division is weak, and they could make the playoffs. If they have to play a game in Green Bay, they’ll lose, but other than that, there’s a chance!

Super Bowl? – No comment.


It’s two weeks into the season. Whoever changes their prediction after two of seventeen weeks is either a pussy or an idiot. A LOT of unpredictable things will happen over the next 15 weeks.


While away on vacation, I made a point not to shave. Last night I cleaned up the sides but left the rest. Here’s what I look like today at work:


Initially I thought it was a definite no-go, but it’s actually started growing on me as of late (ba-dum, tss!). I don’t know if I’d say it looks “good”, but it’s not as bad as I thought.

The reception has been mixed. Some like it and some lol at first sight. After the initial lol though, I think people start to come around. I haven’t decided if I’m going to keep it (I probably won’t), but it’s an interesting look to say the least.


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Reality Check

Two reality checks:

  • I’m back to work. My vacation is over. No more going to the beach, napping during the day, drinking on weeknights, etc.. In a way, I’m happy to get back to work. The feeling of things “building up” while you’re not there can be unnerving.
  • ChipThe Eagles freakin’ suck. Holy shit they’re bad. I picked these dicks to win the Super Bowl? I (and all of Philadelphia) crowned Chip Kelly a genius after two 10-6 seasons and one good preseason game against the Packers? Fortunately the division is in shambles; the Redskins just aren’t good, the Cowboys lost Romo and Dez, and the Giants seemingly play each fourth quarter with their eyes closed while Tom Coughlin calls plays with a headset that’s shoved up his ass cause they’re playing like shit. The Eagles still have a chance! I’m not ruling out a 12-2 run to end the season.

Meanwhile Tom Brady is laying pipe and well on his way to an MVP season. I’m kicking myself for drafting Romo over him, and for drafting Dez with my first round pick. What was I thinking? My fantasy team is losing by 87 points. My wide receivers combined for zero points (Roddy White and Mike Evans).

On top of all that, I picked FOUR out of 15 games correct for week 2. What the qua is going on?


Avalon 2015

It’s Friday here in Avalon (and everywhere else in the US) and the Stortz family vacation is nearing the end. Here are some things that I learned / have happened during this week:

  • avalonTom, Jeff, JC, and I went golfing twice, and not only is JC a worse golfer than me, but he gets 10 times more angry than I do.
  • JC bought a bowl of fruit for the house, and threw it out after one fruit because he didn’t like it.
  • Hayley and I got in a fight over Euchre, but all is well that ends well!
  • Julia did a dizzy bat and it took her 16 (long) seconds to chug the beer, but she was the only one to make contact with the can.
  • I started reading the book 1984 and holy shit I am a slow reader. Three separate reading sessions and I’m 36 pages in. It is a good book so far though.
  • Julia and Laura guessed that Ben Franklin flew the kite with a key on it after he died.
  • Laura also guessed that 400,000 of every 1,000,000 Legos were defective upon creation. That wouldn’t be a very effective business model if 40% of your product is thrown out right away.
  • I’ve tried running nine times but only been successful six of those times.

I know I haven’t put up any material, but the incentive to blog while on vacation is basically zero (is there ever any incentive to blog?). I’ll get back on track next week.

Deer Tick! …JK

The concert was awesome. On Saturday Hayley and I drove up to Avalon and my 9 day vacation began. I went golfing with my brothers and my dad yesterday and it was a blast. It’s currently Tuesday and nothing is going on. I’m soaking up the sun and making an effort to do nothing.

I may post some stuff later in the week, but I doubt it. If you want to read someone who actually cares about their readers, check out Tom’s blog. I might as well just make a post linking to his posts every time he comes up with a new one.

Look for snaps of JC throughout the week. He is a goldmine, and I don’t think he knows that cell phones can record videos, so it’s easy to get away with it.

Dr. Dog in Concert

Tonight, I’ll be seeing Dr. Dog in Philly for the second time with a group of friends. The first time I saw them was at the Mann Center last fall and it was awesome. I expect tonight to be the same.

Here are some songs I’m currently digging:

Go Dr. Dog.