Play the right way

Beer Pong

Beer Pong LeanThere are dozens of different rules that people choose to go by when playing beer pong. Some are more popular than others, but no matter where you’re playing or who you’re playing with, one rule is universal – Your elbow can’t pass the table during your shot.

Everyone knows this rule, but not everyone abides by it. When you lean, you put everyone in a bad situation. No one wants to be the dick who calls the other person for leaning. Just take a step back and you’ll never have this problem.


I’m new to golf. Initially, I thought all “gimmes” were stupid, and that you should always putt it out. But when you play a few rounds, and have people waiting behind you, or you’re shooting for a 9 or 10 on the hole anyway, gimmes make sense. HOWEVER, when the three foot gimme extends to the six foot gimme, I disagree.

Even the great Adam Scott misses 2 footers.
Even the great Adam Scott misses 2 footers.

I think there’s three rules here:

  • If there’s money on the line, always putt it out.
  • If you’re putting for birdie or par, always putt it out (I’d also putt bogeys to make them legit but that’s because I suck).
  • If you’re more than 3 feet, putt it out.

Ping Pong

How to serveThis rule isn’t very well known so I’ll clue everyone in – you MUST throw the ball into the air when you serve. Bad people can sometimes say they’re good at ping pong because they’re cheating on literally half of the points. I could explain the reasons why, but there’s a clear advantage to serving from your hand if you’re noob.

This is similar to beer pong – I don’t like to be the dick who says “you’re serving illegally, you have to throw it up“, but if someone I’m better than beats me because they’re serving illegally, I’m going to say something.

Fortunately, most good players know the rule, and most players who serve from their hand are bad at every other aspect of the game.

That time someone wrote an article about me

This is the only time I’ve been featured in anything ever.

Stortz StudQuick thoughts:

  • What the qua was I thinking with that hair cut?
  • What kind of reporter writes – “While Stortz will never attain the times of Palmisano, he has made remarkable strides”?
  • “Stortz points to running in the state meet as a high point of his career. ‘That was really cool,’ he said. ‘The night before I wasn’t even sure I was going to run because it was between me and somebody else.'” The “somebody else” was Gourlay. I might have to make a blog post about just that.
  • They say my sister’s name is Lauren. Poor reporting. They also say I didn’t have a growth spurt. Poor reporting again, check my freakin’ pants.
  • That conclusion is horrible.

This is probably the second most famous I’ve ever been. I’d say the Gallon Challenge is probably just barely a step above. Then this is #2.

Drunk asshole kid gets arrested over mac and cheese

I read this article which summarizes the story of a drunk, underage kid at UCONN putting up a fuss and ultimately getting arrested over bacon mac & cheese. The kid is a total tool, and deserves what he gets (being seen on the internet by thousands (AKA more famous than this blog will ever be)).


I don’t feel bad when people make bad choices

Today’s world is ultra-PC. One slip up or misinterpreted comment, and you look like a jackass. Despite that, some things should be talked about. So I’m going to write this post anyway.

Okay, so what is it…

There’s a woman I work with who’s severely overweight. I don’t know exacts, but I’d guess 5’2, 170 lbs.

In the kitchen last week at about 8:30 AM, I saw her preparing her breakfast. Her breakfast was waffles covered with chocolate ice cream.

  • Some people are genetically predisposed to being heavier than others.
  • Some people have physical problems that prevent them from exercising.
  • Some people make poor choices.

Waffles and Ice CreamThis isn’t judgement. This is observation. She’s obese, and she’s choosing to eat waffles with ice cream for breakfast. Is it too blunt to say that if she chooses to continue her life style, and has medical issues far too early in life, I don’t feel bad for her? I don’t think so.

Why is it so wrong to say that we don’t feel bad? If you park on the sidewalk and get a ticket, I don’t feel bad. If it happened to me I’d expect no sympathy either, because we all know the rule. But when you apply that thinking to personal health, it’s a touchy subject because it’s someones life, and saying you don’t feel bad makes you insensitive, so no one says it.

Bad DecisionTry explaining that – “Well, yeah I know eating waffles and ice cream for breakfast is bad, and that not exercising is also bad, and that I only get one life and one body, and I should probably try to take care of it. But I love ice cream… and I really don’t like running.

I’m not saying these people should change their behavior (though I think they should), but that when someone with a BMI above 30 has heart problems, or a pack-a-day-smoker gets lung cancer, I don’t feel bad for them, and I don’t know why others would.

CoffinI’ll tell you who I do feel bad for though, the sons and daughters, mothers and fathers, and brothers and sisters, of these types of people. No 10 year old should have to grow up motherless or fatherless because the parent was lazy and ate poorly, or smoked cigarettes constantly, or drove drunk. And no parent should have to bury their child. Those are the ones I feel bad for.

Infamous “Under The Bridge” Performance on SNL

In 1991, the Red Hot Chili Peppers were getting pretty big. Under the Bridge was the second single released from their breakthrough record Blood Sugar Sex Magik, and it was a huge success.

In 1992, they appeared on Saturday Night Live to perform Under the Bridge. At the time, lead guitarist John Frusciante hated the song due to how popular the band became. He was also addicted to heroin.

This performance in this SNL video is absurd. Lead singer Anthony Kiedis said afterward that it “felt like I was getting stabbed in the back and hung out to dry in front of all of America while [Frusciante] was off in a corner in the shadow, playing some dissonant out-of-tune experiment.

Without further ado:

Some points to look at:

The Intro – It sounds completely different, and it’s so hard to tell when Kiedis is supposed to come in. Kiedis just stares at him because he doesn’t know, then John gives that look at :29 which is basically a “fuck you, come in now”.

2:03 – He clearly starts to play the break that comes after the second chorus before realizing he’s supposed to do another round of the verse, so he quickly switches his hands.

3:11 – John comes in with this heavy distortion pedal that sounds awful I think.

3:35 – He just screams instead of the normal “Under the bridge down town!”

3:41 – Silence…

3:47 – Easily the best part of the whole song. The just top-of-the-lungs yell. Lolin at this point. What do you think if you’re the other members of the band?

3:54 – Another little scream.

4:10 – The start of a not-very-good-sounding guitar solo

4:42 – Kiedis just stares at him like dude, wtf.

One for the ages. If interested, watch this interview where Frusciante is extremely strung out.

Addressing Tom’s Post – My No Money Gripe

Tom wrote this post about how people who never have cash are a burden.

I know he knew that I’d know that that post was semi-directly at me (wat). So instead of commenting, I’ll make my own post addressing his post.

The World We Live In

CashThe ability to make transactions without cash has changed the game. Hard cash is no longer needed in most situations, and sometimes it isn’t even preferred. The no-cash transaction is growing in popularity as more avenues allow for it.

The direction we’re heading in is a “hard-cashless” world, though that will never happen, for a variety of reasons (how else are you supposed to buy drugs or hookers if you don’t use cash?).

Addressing Tom’s Points

People who don’t carry cash have poor planning skills or just DGAF.
File me under DGAF. Cash is nice, but not necessary.

csah onlySome establishments are cash only.
THIS is the #1 reason to carry cash. The old “I’ll Venmo you” or “split it on our cards” doesn’t work. If you know ahead of time you’re going somewhere that is cash only, you should 100% make a point to stop at an ATM.

Using one card to pay for an entire bill is annoying because the card user usually gets the best deal. They also control the tip, and get points on their card.
I’ve been on both sides of this. You can get extra cash OR get screwed and have to throw in a couple of extra bucks. But my whole point is that if everyone has Venmo (It’s 2015, catch up if you don’t), you can always pay the exact amount!!! No more “here’s a couple extra bucks in case we’re short on tip“. Also, I do reap cash back benefits on my card, so I like to pay. Why have everyone pay cash and waste 1.5% of the bill?

The only reason you don’t have cash is because you don’t make a point to go to the ATM.
Right. I never make a point of going to the ATM. If I’m at Wawa and out of cash, I got to the ATM, but otherwise, card and venmo handles everything. Unless of course, as previously stated, I’m going somewhere that’s cash only. Then I agree you must go to the ATM.

I lend cash to those who don’t have it. 
Only applicable in cash only situations. Otherwise, Venmo or the old “I’ll buy you a drink” does the trick.

My argument to you will start with, if you weren’t lazy and could find an ATM, we wouldn’t be having this discussion.
VenmoAnd my counter argument would be if you weren’t a dinosaur, realized Venmo dollars are real dollars (the same as the money in your bank account), that don’t need to be insta-turned-into-cash (i.e. don’t go to the ATM every day), you’d realize the no-cash lifestyle is very similar to the cash lifestyle. I’d argue it’s more precise since you can control EXACTLY how much you want to pay, though I don’t deny situations arise where cash helps.

A real life example. I went golfing this Saturday. Scott’s friend got us a discount, and paid for everything beforehand. I had no cash, and he said “no problem, just Venmo me“. I typed in his name, confirmed it was him, and sent him the $30. No more “Ah, I only have two 20’s, do you have a 10? Well, this is awkward, do I pay the extra 10 or do you suck it up.” Venmo isn’t for everything, but for friends, it’s the easiest way to pay, as advertised. To other Sam’s comment on your post, I wouldn’t Venmo my rent or car payments, but it wouldn’t surprise me if something similar happened soon.


I think we’re both extremes. I have cash 10% of the time and you have it 90% of the time. But I think the world is heading more towards virtual transactions and away from cash transactions.

I’ll Say It Till I’m Dead. Article by Business Insider – Why Diamonds Are a Sham

An article kindly posted on my wall by Brookes. I’m just posting the article that they stole from me.

Diamonds Are A Sham And It’s Time We Stop Getting Engaged With Them


Some quotes from the article:

  • American males enter adulthood through a peculiar rite of passage – they spend most of their savings on a shiny piece of rock.
  • Today, over 80% of women in the US receive diamond rings when they get engaged.
  • Diamonds, however, are not an investment. The market for them is neither liquid nor are they fungible.
  • When you buy a diamond, you buy it at retail, which is a 100% to 200% markup. If you want to resell it, you have to pay less than wholesale to incent a diamond buyer to risk their own capital on the purchase. Given the large markup, this will mean a substantial loss on your part.
  • The purpose of this post was to point out that diamond engagement rings are a lie.

Wildest Dreams Sucks

Taylor Swift’s new single Wildest Dreams is now getting the inevitable overplay on the radio, and I can’t get away from it.

When this happened with Style, Shake It Off, and Blank Space, I didn’t mind, because I liked those songs. Wildest Dreams however, sucks.

Why does it suck?

TaylorIt’s the exact same telling of almost the exact same story for the last three singles.

It’s a slow, boring version of Style. The descriptive words, “red lip classic thing that you like” vs. “Red lips and rosy cheeks“, or “lights are off he’s taking off his coat” vs. “his clothes are in my room“.  She’s used the same formula now for three hit singles, and it’s becoming boring and tired.

He’s so tall, and handsome as hell“, that’s about the least creative line I can think of. Here’s the line of my counter pop-hit “She’s so hot, and her tits are so bigggg“. BOOORRRIINNGGGG!

Taylor is 0-2 on her last two singles (Bad Blood sucked too). Tick Tock. The clock is ticking until the next 19 year old wows America and steals her spotlight.