25 Goals for 2018

Fewer AND more accomplishable goals this year. Help or active participation in any of these are encouraged.

  • Watch a Sixers playoff game in person – Obviously they need to make the playoffs first.
  • Learn how to proficiently play the Stairway to Heaven solo on guitar – I think I can do this.
  • Get a physical from my doctor – I learned this was free through my insurance legggo!!!
  • Keep both of my cats alive – So far so good.
  • Go skydiving – And live.
  • Fast for a 24 hour period – How hard can it be?
  • Go to ANY event at the Kimmel Center – Don’t care what it is, just feel like I should go to one.
  • Have a conversation with a famous person – At least one minute and has to have a Wikipedia page.
  • Host a party at my residence – Don’t worry Rob, only 50/50 you’re part of this.
  • Watch the Godfather AND Godfather II – Now that Netflix is getting them, this should be cake.
  • Profit $10,000 in Crypto – May have left off a zero there.
  • Prepare the turkey for Thanksgiving – Move over mom.
  • Go on two trips to visit friends who live in other cities, repeats allowed – Denver’s looking good Mark!
  • Go on two trips with friends to visit a city we’ve never been to – Never stop traveling.
  • Buy presents for my whole family on Christmas, not just who I have for Pollyanna – Of course not as much thought will go into those, but still nice.
  • Break 4:30 in the mile – Only cucks have PRs closer to 5:00 than 4:00. 4:30.9 is cuck status.
  • Break 55:00 at Broad Street – First year running it and need to pick a number!
  • PR in the 5,000 (15:27) – It’s going to happen one of these years
  • Run over 2000 miles – 38.5 miles a week.
  • Complete 100 beers and 100 miles in a week – Will live tweet / blog it.
  • Attempt 13 miles and 13 beers in under 2:00 – Haven’t forgotten about this.
  • Bowl a 300 – I’d say 25% this happens.
  • Write 10 hand-written letters and mail them – Upping to 10 after the benefits I saw.
  • Volunteer my time at least once – If I don’t do this, I will donate $1,000 to charity.
  • Write 200 blog posts – Keep lowering the bar until you get there.

2017 Goals – How’d I do?

13/30 on the year.

    • PR in the mile AND 5k – Never got a good shot at the 5k but yes to the mile! That will be a 2018 goal.
    • Visit three major-ish US cities that I’ve never been to – Not even close.
    • Go to a country I’ve never been to – Whoopsies!
    • Move out of my parents house – Take that mom and dad!
    • Get a cat once I move out – The only goal I completed twice!
    • Bowl a 300 (before Tom) – Both of us suck.
    • Attend a play – No but I seriously considered it.
    • Write 6 hand-written letters and mail them – More people should do this.
    • Write a 5 year letter to myself – Stupid goal.
    • Go to a dentist – No, but I’ve been flossing!
    • Formally volunteer my time at least once – Genuinely embarrassed that I didn’t do this or put any effort into coordinating.
    • Invest 25% of my money – Did 100% in Bitcoin.
    • Don’t significantly injury myself while blacked out – Fell down the stairs on NYE but no real damage.
    • Don’t get in a fist fight with anyone (considering making it the opposite) – I’m really good at resolving conflicts with words.
    • Watch Joel Embiid and Ben Simmons play together live – BOOM.
    • Watch three Sixers’ wins live – Easiest. Goal. Ever.
    • Get Molly Sullivan’s number – I think I blew my chance.
    • Watch Tom Brady win MVP and / or the Super Bowl this year – He might do it again this year.
    • Watch an American win gold in a distance event at the WCs – EMMA!
    • Watch an American Record in a distance event – AJEE!
    • Write 225 blog posts (more realistic than last year) – 168.
    • Buy a new suit – I wore a full suit like twice this whole year.
    • Advance my career… by getting a new title Technically happened but not fully satisfied
    • Get LASIK – Best decision I’ve made in my life.
    • Watch the Godfather – Coming to Netflix!
    • Read 5 books – I don’t think I read one.
    • PR in the beer mile – Failed miserably in my only attempt.
    • Run over 2000 miles – 1678.
    • Attempt 100 beers and 100 miles in a week – Next year.
    • Make back all the money I lost in 2016 gambling – An embarrassing and concerning result on the year.

I found my wedding song

I don’t know anything about this song. I heard it for the first time yesterday,. I don’t know if it’s super popular or cliche, and I don’t care.

Whatever lucky lady gets to marry me, this is it. This is the song.

My Attempt at Christmas Song Lyrics

Below are some classic Christmas songs, and I’m going to write as many lyrics as I know for each one. Shane is going to LOVE this post.

Green means I’m confident.

Red means I’m not so sure.

Let’s get started!

White Christmas

I’m dreaming of a White Christmas. I’m dreaming of snow.

Can’t even guess the rest of the lyrics.

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

You know Comet and Jonah and Prancer and Vixen. Donner, and Jolly, and Snowboard, and Blitzen. But do you recall, the most famous reindeer of all? 

I actually know the rest of the lyrics and am not going to type them out because it’s boring and long. Does anyone know all their names?

Frosty the Snowman

Frosty the Snowman, had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it. You would even saw it glows.

For the life of me I can’t think of the second line. I keep going to Rudolph but I know that’s not right.

Let it Snow

Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful, and since we’ve no place to go. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Oh la-la no signs of it stopping, and the fire is surely popping, and since we’ve no place to go, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

I actually like this song.

Jingle Bells

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse opened sleigh. HEY!

That’s the whole song, right?

Joy to the World

Joy to the world, the teacher’s dead. We bar-be-que’d his head! Then we took his body and flushed it down the potty and round and round it goes! And round and round it goes!

I remember the latter part from elementary school.

Deck the Halls

Deck the halls with crowds of jolly fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. *second line*. Kill your neighbor and your sister fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!

Again that latter part is from elementary school.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas

Have yourself a merry little Christmas. Have yourself a good time…? Have yourself a merry little Christmasssss Niiiiiiiiight.

What an original tune. Like c’mon, this song fucking sucks.

Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree

Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree have a happy holiday. Jingling and Singling, you and me, have a happy holiday! What a bright time, it’s the right time, to rock the holidays. Jingle bell time, it’s a swell time, to go riding in a one horsed sleight. Giddy up Giddy up, kick up some mud. Don’t forget your coat.

I know most of this from Mean Girls.

‘Twas the night before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, there wasn’t a peep, not even a mouse.

I’m not sure if this is a song or a poem or what. I’m also pretty positive there’s more to it than just this.

Silent Night

Silent Night. Holy Night. All is well. All is right. Peace may come. Peace may go. Weather forecast. Is calling for snow.

I didn’t know this was a Christmas song until I looked up “Christmas songs” just now. I remember this from the Simpsons when Bart / Lisa sing as Homer breaks into the house.

How long do you keep a generic holiday card?

When you receive a card from someone for:

  • Christmas
  • Your birthday
  • Graduating high school
  • July 4th
  • Adopting a blind cat
  • Losing your virginity

that simply acknowledges you and / or an accomplishment(s), how long do you keep it?

Tom’s recent post touched on this as well as a Seinfeld episode, but for me personally? I throw it out right away.

I used to keep them for a weeks on my desk before eventually thinking “Okay, I’ve kept it long enough, I can throw this out now”. No more.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a nice thought / gesture, and I’m not discouraging them from being sent. But once the “Good job!” has been read, it’s fine to go in the trash.


I do keep cards / letters that I receive from friends, family, current / former lovers, that contain real content. Those are worth keeping, and I go back every now and then to read them.

When I write someone a letter, I put a good amount of effort into it, and I think recipients have a different feeling when they receive something like that versus a generic holiday card.

This is just my way of saying that if you’re going to send me a card or letter, either put some love into it or IT’S GOING IN THE TRASH!

‘Bout time for a BOWLING UPDATE

I know a lot of you are worried that I stopped bowling since I don’t blog about it anymore. This post is to put your concerns at ease.

Last night was a career night. I was like Brady and the pins were Gronk. 267, 210, and 235 for a 712 series. Our team went 1-3 but what do I care, I’m all about those individual stats baby!

If anyone wants to go bowling with like the 10th best bowler in a semi-competitive league in a below-average bowling city, you let me know and we’ll go together.

A Girl Jumped off the East Falls Bridge

This is a long post and the story below happened earlier tonight.

What happened from my perspective

It was about 6:30PM and 25 degrees outside. I was running on Falls Bridge and could see a car was parked in the middle of the one lane with no one was in it. There were two women along the other side of the bridge looking into the water and yelling.

I ran over to see what was happening while the women just kept yelling “Keep swimming! Keep swimming!” I looked in the water and couldn’t see much because it was dark, but eventually spotted someone in the water. You could faintly hear her yelling “I can’t swim!“.

I ran around the bridge where another runner was looking in. I asked him what happened and he said she jumped in herself. I then asked in sort of a panic, “Well, should someone like, jump in and save her?!” to which he said “I don’t know, we may not want to lose 2 people” which was sort of a morbid answer and basically framed the situation as life or death. He also mentioned that someone had called 911.

I hopped over wall and started heading down next to the river to see if going in to get her was realistic. Another guy was down there more or less doing the same thing. She kept repeating the same three things:

“I’m so cold”

“I can’t swim”

“Help me”

It not as if you can walk in and out of the river, there’s basically a 5 foot ledge that you have to get up. I got as close as I could and was just yelling at her to come towards me while contemplating if jumping in would make the situation better or worse. She looked to be roughly 18 years old.

30 seconds later I heard sirens and soon after a rescue worker with a flashlight came down to meet me. The water was shallow enough for her to stand but she wasn’t making it up the ledge by herself and we couldn’t really get to her.

A few more rescue workers showed up over the next few minutes and eventually lowered a ladder down for her to climb up which she barely managed to do. Then they took her to the ambulance right away.

There were now probably 10 rescue people down there, a fire truck, an ambulance, a few cop cars, and a dozen on-lookers. It was a very human moment climbing back to the path and honestly I began tearing up.

I talked to the police briefly then ran home.

Reflecting on what happened

For the ~3 minutes where the rescue workers weren’t in sight, the question was simple: Do I jump in or not? I’m just going to write exactly what I felt.

Jumping In

I was running through all the scenarios of me jumping in and the possible outcomes. She was already making her way over to me and could stand, though was still barely moving. Most importantly, if I jumped in, I wouldn’t have been able to get her out. I would’ve had a ~120 pound iceberg that I’d be unable to lift out.

Because of that, jumping felt self-righteous. In the moment, it felt like I would’ve been doing it just so I could tell people I did it, when it likely would’ve complicated things.

The only benefit to jumping in would’ve been IF she went fully under water, then I could’ve helped her, but fortunately that didn’t happen. And if she did go under, I could’ve jumped in then.

Staying Out

Although jumping in seemed stupid, staying out felt completely helpless. I felt guilty. This girl is literally dying, looking at me yelling “help me“, while I’m sitting there watching her and a dozen other people are just staring in awe. All I could do was keep talking to her.

The final outcome was good, she was saved. But it’s situations like this where, if things go wrong, you look back and wonder “what could I have done differently?”.

Say she did go under and ultimately died. I’d look back wondering why the fuck I didn’t just jump in, get a little cold, a little wet, and a little bloody to save her life.

I felt very weird the entire run home.

Best of Christmas: Songs and Movies

Top Christmas Songs


4. All I want for Christmas is You – Mariah Carey

It seems like Mariah Carey kind’ve sucks but whatever, I like this song.

3. Peace on Earth / Little Drummer Boy – Jason Segel / Jack Black

STFU this is a great mash-up and these two are great actors.

2. Carol of the Bells – Trans-Siberian Orchestra

Every time I hear this song it inspires me to start playing guitar more, but then I try playing this and realize I suck so I stop.

1. Joel the Lump of Coal – The Killers

The touching story of a rejected little lump of coal and the truth behind the monster that is Santa Claus. This is the greatest Christmas song of all time. Hands down. Bar none. Listen immediately if you’ve never heard it before.

Somewhere in downtown San Francisco and in the heart of Radnor, Slade and Drew are cringing at this.

Honorable Mention:

None. I change literally every other Christmas song instantly if it comes on the radio. Christmas songs suck.

Top Christmas Movies


2. Gremlins

I used to get really upset as a kid watching the mean gremlins torture Gizmo. Brookes is going to be proud that this made the list, but it was by default more than anything.

1. Bad Santa

This is a ~top 5 comedy. Has any actor ever fit a character as well as Billy Bob Thornton fits Willie Stokes?

If you haven’t seen the movie and are curious, the scene below will quickly tell you if you’ll like it or not. If you don’t laugh at that, not only will you not like the movie, but you’re also on my list of people whose movie opinion I don’t value at all.

Honorable Mention:

None. According to this list of 100 best Christmas Movies the only other Christmas movies I’ve seen on the list are Home Alone which was 20 years ago and Just Friends, and those don’t make the cut. Christmas movies suck.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

My Top 10 Songs Over 8 Minutes

10. Achilles Last Stand (10:26) – Led Zeppelin

Stairway and Kashmir were too obvious. This is a great lesser-known Zeppelin song. Realistically, you could come up with just a top 10 Led Zeppelin songs over 8 minutes if you went through all of their stuff.

9. Jesus of Suburbia (9:08) – Green Day

I bought American Idiot at the mall when I was 13 years old and I listened to it nonstop for weeks. This song is a perma-jam from back when Green Day was still kind of considered cool.

8. Only in Dreams (8:03) – Weezer

Early Weezer is the best Weezer! The slow build to the climax, I mean, who doesn’t love that AMIRITE??? And the Blue Album cover is iconic.

7. Free Bird (9:08) – Lynyrd Skynyrd

Because of Guitar Hero, I’ve probably heard this song more than any other on the list which isn’t a good thing. Nothing was worse than getting to the solo, missing right away, then having to restart. But that guitar solo is just too classic to NOT have this on the list.

6. Lateralus (9:24) – Tool

Tool’s album art and music videos are always really trippy.

I’d be surprised if any of my readers have listened to this before. It was somehow ranked #1 on the top metals songs of the 21st century, as ranked by Loudwire (wtf is Loudwire?).

If you happen to have 30 minutes and are interested, read why this guy thinks this is the greatest piece of music ever written. It’s actually pretty incredible.

5. Master of Puppets (8:35) – Metallica

I kind of think all of Metallica sounds the same, but this song has always stood out as awesome. I also saw this piano cover of it recently which was incredible.

4. Shine On You Crazy Diamond (26:00)- Pink Floyd

If you don’t like Pink Floyd you especially won’t like this song, but you should. It’s all their qualities summed up into one 26 minute ode to their former band mate Syd Barrett who went bonkers from doing too many drugs.

3. Knights of Shame (11:49) – AWOLNATION

Aaron Bruno’s master piece but not a well known one by any means. Mark and I used to jam out to this, it’s just one of those that takes me back to college. I’m still hoping to see it live one day.

2. War Pigs (7:58)- Black Sabbath

I don’t give a shit that this song 7:58 and not 8 minutes. The guitar / drum combo, along with Ozzy saying “Satan laughing spreads his wings” makes the hair on my you know what stand up EVERYTIME. A hard rock rager.

1. Konstantine (9:36) – Something Corporate

Go ahead, tell me it’s laughable to rank this song number one. Tell me it’s some cuck song that suburban white emo teenagers love because they think it’s so deep and emotional when really it’s just a steaming pile of musical shit. I don’t care. I could listen to this song every day for the rest of my life and die happy.

Honorable Mention:

Won’t Get Fooled Again – The Who

Crazy Game of Poker – O.A.R.

Stairway to Heaven – Led Zeppelin

Roundabout – Yes

Echoes – Pink Floyd

It’s Ice – Phish