The (Bowling) Game of My Life

Tom and I bowled 11 games each yesterday and this happened on game 3.

Here’s what happened:

The lanes were heavily oiled and I moved AN ENTIRE ARROW TO THE RIGHT FOR MY FIRST BALL!

Five of my first seven strikes were Jersey, but I was throwing it hard (~16.4 MPH) and slamming the pocket (no more Jerseys after that).

With one frame left, I was really starting to believe in the 300.

The group next to us was two older people with their two kids, one of which was a four years old with autism. Right before I began my 10th the four year old threw a fit so I decided to wait it out instead of just bowl which I had been doing.

squidward dabTwo minutes later, with pressure building the whole time, I went. First ball in the 10th was a perfect strike. I was pumped.

Second ball in the 10th. This might actually happen. I threw it and immediately upon release I knew it was wide. I came in way too light on the pocket and the 300 was over. I picked up the single-pin spare for the 289.

Kudos to Tom for striking out and finishing in a respectable 191. If he hadn’t, this picture wouldn’t have looked as cool (for him).

Should I be happy or did I choke?

I pose that as a question, but I know my answer. I’m very happy.

Sure these opportunities do NOT come around often, but I’m getting more experience in high pressure situations. Tom has been saying it too, but the 300 is coming. Whether it’s Tom, Me, Weens, even Wevs! It’s going to happen one of these times. And when it does, it’s going to be amazing.


First 2016 Fantasy Draft – Grade My Team

Things to know:

  • 10 teams
  • .5 PPR
  • Snake Draft
  • I was 1st pick
  • 1 QB, 3 WR, 2 RB, 1 TE, 1 Flex, 1 K, 1 D/ST
  • QB Passing TD is 4
  • All other scoring is standard

My Team

"Great draft, Sam!"
“Great draft, Sam!”
  • Pick 1Antonio Brown WR
  • Pick 21 – Mark Ingram RB
  • Pick 22LeSean McCoy RB
  • Pick 41Jarvis Landry WR
  • Pick 42Randall Cobb WR
  • Pick 61Ryan Mathews RB
  • Pick 62 Travis Kelce TE
  • Pick 81Michael Floyd WR
  • Pick 82Duke Johnson Jr. RB
  • Pick 101 – Blake Bortles QB
  • Pick 102Kevin White WR
  • Pick 121Cardinals D/ST 
  • Pick 122Marcus Mariota QB
  • Pick 141Graham Gano K
  • Pick 142LeGarrette Blount RB

I’ll keep my thoughts to myself for now.

Oh who am I kidding, that’s an A-draft.

Others have had your idea too

When I visited Gourlay with Dale in Richmond, Dale and I tried to come up with a song about Harambe and resolved on the following (to the tune of Zombie):

In the zoooooo, he’s in the zooOOooo. ha-RAHM-beh, ha-RAHM-beh, ha-RAHM-beh-eh-eh

HarambeIt continued from there, but I wondered how many other people had the same idea.

While listening to 97.5 the Fanatic this morning, they mentioned that someone called in with the exact same chorus we came up with. Not only were we not the only Philadelphians, we weren’t even the only 97.5 the Fanatic listeners who had thought of that.

Pulling numbers out of thin air here:

  • Say 500,000 people listen to the Fanatic on a semi-regular basis.
  • 2 out of 500,000 had that same idea. A .0004% chance.
  • There’s ~325 million people in the US (call it 250 million if you remove infants and REALLY old people)
  • Harambe was like the biggest story in the world this year, but say only 75% of people in the US actually know who Harambe is, thus only 187,500,000 people were capable of thinking up a song about Harambe.
  • 187,500,000 *.0000004 is exactly 750.

You could argue that 750 people just in the US had the same shitty idea that Dale and I had.

So much for us getting a record label Dale.

Until Next Season…

I know the anticipation is killing you – here’s how last night went down.

We got bounced in the first round.

We gave ourselves a (small) chance, but in the 10th frame, we blew it. Four. Freakin’. Opens. Though to be fair to Tom, it was over by the time he was up, so it didn’t matter.

I bowled a 219, Tom and Jordan were around 185, and Evan was about 160, but it didn’t matter. The other team bowled an 837 handicap game. We’ve never thrown an 837 scratch game before We didn’t lose this game, they won it.

But you know what they say, that’s bowling!

Below are the goals I set at the beginning of the season…

  • 185+ personal average for the season – I averaged 183, but I averaged 186.6 throwing 2-handed!
  • Personal single game PR (265) – Had some close calls, but that’s a tough number.
  • Personal 650+ series – 620 was my high, though a good goal.
  • Team makes the freakin’ playoffs – Except we got pwnt in the playoffs.
  • Team single game PR of 850+ – 819, not easy.
  • Team 2400+ series – 2389… close enough.
  • .600 team win % – 28/16 (63.6%)

Kudos Snakes. Nothing to be ashamed about! Until next season.

Bowling for Redemption

Tonight I will be competing in my first ever bowling-league playoffs.

*Laughter stops*

If you recall last season, I was the reason we didn’t make the playoffs.

The Snakes are not fuckin’ around this season. With a team average of 199 for all 12 games last week, we’re hitting our stride at the right time.

  • Tom has been one of the best bowlers in the league recently with a 681 series last week and a near 300 game yesterday (258, 2 9-spares).
  • Wevs takes 60 grams of protes before every session now and is throwing rockets down the lane. Significant improvement the past month.
  • Weens finally got his head out of his ass and started bowling like someone who’s done this for the last 12 years.
  • I’m getting more consistent with the 2 handed throw and my 620 series last week was one of the best I’ve ever had.
The Snakes getting ready to bowl.

8 teams make the playoffs (we’re seeded 4) and it’s single elimination tonight until we crown a champion. We get something like $350 a person if we win.

If we bowl like we have been lately, we WILL win the league.

Look for a recap post around 2:00 AM tonight. I’ll probably be getting back from the strip club. Strippers love dudes who just won their bowling league.

The Women’s 800m and the Issue of “Intersex” Athletes in Women’s Sports

Setting the Stage

The Women’s Olympic 800m was one of the most controversial events of the 2016 games.

Olympic 800mGold medalist Caster Semenya (and the other two medalists as well) is said to have an unfair advantage – she’s “intersex”. The following is out my element, but Semenya and supposedly the others have one of, if not all of, the following:

These cause significantly higher testosterone levels (~3x higher) than non-intersex women. Science has proven that testosterone is a huge difference maker in athletic performance.

Once aware how much higher T-levels these athletes have, the IAAF implemented a ban on woman athletes who’s T-levels were over a certain limit. However, in 2015, CAS (Court of Arbitration for Sport) overturned that ban.

The Question is this: Should athletes like Semenya be allowed to compete as “women”?

My Take

This article defending Semenya sums up most arguments that defend her. One line even says:

The idea that testosterone levels could constitute an unfair advantage in this climate is laughable., this climate being the fact that Caster was poor growing up in a developing country (South Africa).

That sentence is laughable. 99% of people defending Semenya are making this a social issue. This debate is NOT about discrimination and social injustice.

It doesn’t matter that Semenya is black or lesbian or from a poor country; Caster Semenya has a biological, scientifically proven advantage over her competitors. This fact is seemingly ignored by most articles defending her.

Is it a feel good story that someone could overcome adversity? Of course. But allowing intersex athletes to compete against non-intersex women significantly reduces the chances that any non-intersex woman will be competitive in a field of intersex athletes.

If the Olympic final in 2020 is 8 intersex athletes, do you think everyone will watch and say “Wow, it’s so great that these 8 competitors over-came such adversity” without logically thinking “Hmm, all 8 are intersex even though 1 in 15,000 are born with X condition. I wonder if they have an unfair advantage, and that they shouldn’t be competing against non-intersex women.” That’s the point we may get to if we continue down this road.

There’s no easy solution. Semenya and others didn’t choose their biological make-up, so it feels “wrong” to bar them from competing against other women. Do you force them to race against men? Do you create a third category? I don’t know. But Olympic competition isn’t a human right, and allowing them to compete against women is going to be the death of “women’s” track and field, if not all women’s sports. That may be dramatic, but I don’t think it’s far off the truth.

This is in no way an attack on Semenya and other intersex athletes. She’s done nothing wrong, and I don’t blame her at all for running in the Olympics. They deemed she was okay to do so. She’s faced adversity that we’ll never understand and is in a lose-lose situation. I give her a ton of credit for going through all of this.

But this is about setting a standard. This is about enforcing a level playing field for all of women’s sports. If natural biological increases in testosterone are allowed, why aren’t artificial ones? Why is testosterone a banned substance by the IAAF? Because it provides an unfair advantage. This is the same reason men and women don’t compete against each other.

It’s nothing personal. It’s nothing social. It’s everything about fairness.

Helping a Flat Tire-er

The next time I see someone pulled over changing a flat tire, I’m going to pull over and help them.

flat-tireI’ve had multiple flat tires in the last 12 months and finally (sort of) know what I’m doing. It’s a day-ruiner when you don’t know what you’re doing.

I’m doing this because I saw someone a week ago with a flat and she looked miserable and I drove right by. I regretted not stopping and helping (but when you say you’re bowling at a certain time, you don’t want to be late).

So this is my vow to do a good deed in this world and hopefully make someone’s day less shitty. Maybe I’ll stop to help my future wife, or maybe I’ll stop to help a serial killer. Who knows!


*I actually did this once before like 4 months ago. An old lady had a flat and me and another bro pulled over to help her. The spare she had was also flat, so classic, but she stood zero chance at actually changing the tire herself. I felt better about myself afterward.

Twitter Tip: .@ – Mind Blown

This will seem stupid, but I’d guess 90% of Twitter users don’t know this.

If I wrote this tweet:

@Sixers Getting rid of Sam Hinkie was a horrible decision

The only people who will see that tweet is people who follow both myself and @sixers.

But what if I want ALL of my followers to see this great tweet to the Sixers?

In that case I would write:

.@Sixers getting rid of Sam Hinkie was a horrible decision

By putting a period before an @, it shows the tweet to everyone who follows you, not just those who follow both of you (I found this out thanks to the Ricky, so it’s only fair I use a Sixers example).

Twitter logoSo if I come up with a great Twitter insult towards Gourlay, but am worried no one will see it if I @ him because he only has like 6 followers, but still want him to get a notification, then I just throw that period in front of the @ and BAM.

Hope this made your day better.

Hats Off to US Distance Running in the 2016 Olympics

What an Olympics for US distance running.

Had you asked me before the Games, what’s more likely: The US winning zero medals from 800-Marathon, or winning 7 medals? I’d have bet the farm on the former, and I’d be out two farms.

Quick thoughts on all of the medal races.

Centro’s 1500m Gold

centroHoly. Shit. Absolutely incredible. The best tactical runner I’ve ever seen. Conversely, Kiprop might actually be the worst tactical runner on the entire planet. Centro is THE MAN.

Impressive that Mahkloufi was able to pull two silvers, I thought he was going to pass Centro FTW. Good for Willis getting Bronze too as this was probably his last chance for another Olympic medal.

Jager’s 3000m Steeplechase Silver

Athletics - Olympics: Day 12It was only a matter of time. For a guy who’s so consistently “up there” it was good to see things finally go right for him on the biggest stage. Sub 8 this summer hopefully. Sub 13:00 is probably doable too.

Poor Kemboi, a shitty way to lose a medal, but he’s still the best steepler ever. Conseslus and Birech will be fun to watch in the next decade.

Chelimo’s 5000m Silver

ChelimoOUTTA FUCKIN’ NOWHERE! I actually thought he may steal it with 100m to go. Heart-breaking to see him told on live TV that he was disqualified, but great to see he was reinstated, rightfully so.

Realistically though… the dude closed in a 53 for a 13:04… Paul Chelimo could break the 5k American Record this summer if he gets in the right race.

Props to Lagat too. 13:06 at age 69? Amazing. Mo is making a case for greatest distance runner OF ALL TIME.

Coburn’s 3000m Steeplechase Bronze

CoburnSimilar to Jager. Consistently “up there” but hasn’t quite been able to take that next step on these big stages. Ran a very smart race for bronze and it was great to see her re-break the AR. Silver would have been even better but all in all a great run in an event where we’ve been lacking.

Murphy’s 800m Bronze

800mQuite the rise to stardom for Clayton Murphy. I’m hesitant to anoint anyone the “future” of American Mid-D running (see Wheating), but Murphy, at age 21, is as promising as any we’ve seen.

As if Rudisha needed to cement his legacy anymore – the most dominant 800m ever. As for Mahkloufi… I kind of, sort of like him.

Simpson’s 1500m Bronze

JennyShe’s had success on the international stage before but never in the Olympics. Dare I say I actually felt bad for Shannon Rowbury? Those two have had a great rivalry, but I think this race puts Jenny firmly ahead. Would have LOVED it if she nipped Dibaba.

I tried to find a picture of Rowbury and Simpson together after the race but rumor has it they didn’t even speak to each other, classic.

Rupp’s Marathon Bronze

Rupp KipcI’d argue Rupp is the best American distance runner of all time. Shorter has Olympic Gold(s), Ryun set World Records, but given Rupp’s range, consistency, PRs, international finishes, and duration, I believe he’s had the best cumulative career of any American EVER. If he runs 2:06 or below, then I don’t think it’s even a question. Centro has also somehow entered the conversation, but there’s still a lot to be seen from him.

Also, Jared Ward running a HUGE race for 6th. Great performance. Finally, love Eliud Kipchoge. The guy jogs 4:40s while a smile on his face every goddamn time. Best marathoner ever.

Yankee CAN’Tdle

I went to Yankee Candle last week to buy a shit-smelling candle. Here was the exchange I had with the woman when I went to purchase it:

wetdogCashier: That will be $1,000.

Me: Awesome. *swipes card*

Cashier: What’s your email address?

Me: Why do you want to know?

Cashier: We want to make sure you know of any sales we have going on.

Me: I don’t give a shit about your sales and I don’t want to give you my email address.

Cashier: Wow. That was a really hot answer. Can I have your email address for my personal use?

Me: Of course.

Most of that was fabricated. But she did ask for my email. It wasn’t “Do you want to receive our emails?“, it was a demand -“What’s your email address“.

You can’t say no without feeling like a dick. I don’t like that type of pressure and I don’t like giving out my email because I already get too many useless emails.

Give your customers the OPTION of getting your emails. Now I’m going to be seeing Yankee Candle ads all over the internet.