Owning AC

Everyone’s waiting for the AC recap. Here goes.

Gourlay, Alex, and I drove down around noon on December 26. We got settled, had a few beers, then around 3:00 we headed out. We stayed out for 10 hours straight.

Here’s my gambling summary:

  • -$10 BJ at Resorts – Breaking it in.
  • -$115 Spinny Wheel thing at Resorts – Tried to impressive the beautiful Asian women also playing. Alex hit for $100.
  • -$225 BJ at Bally’s – All three of us got owned.
  • +$100 War at Wild Wild West – Blackjack tables were full.
  • +$50 BJ at Wild Wild West – Ups and downs that ended when Alex said “Fuck” and the dealer yelled at him.
  • +$350 BJ at Bally’s – I swear the dealer was tell me his cards.
  • Even BJ at Caesars – Was up $700 on the table at one point and donked the last few hands.
  • -$400 BJ at Caesars – Tatiana was shaking her head at us the whole time.
  • -$300 BJ at Bally’s – Same dealer who was telling me his cards earlier owned me this time.
  • -$100 BJ at Bally’s – Venmo’d Alex for some chips and lost it in two hands.
  • -$100 BJ at Bally’s – Last ATM stop while Gourlay was going on a run and lost it in three hands.

That adds up to -$750 but I know I lost $850 so I’m not sure where that missing $100 is. Regardless, it was hours on hours of gambling and we had a great time.

Hoping to gamble a little smarter in 2017.

Christmas ’16

Christmas started with a great gift exchange that featured JC giving Brookes an empty box and then giving Brookes and / or myself a pullover that he initially bought for himself but didn’t fit him. The reason it didn’t fit him is because it was a woman’s large and he had no idea.

After that Tom and I took on Steve and Ian in basketball. The Stortz’s shot the lights out in game 1, blowout. The McGrath’s shut us down in game 2, blowout. Game 3 was our’s to lose and we freakin’ lost it in OT. A crushing defeat, kudos McGrath’s.

The real holiday starts today though. Gourlay, Alex, and I are going to AC for the night and plan on taking that city for all it’s worth. I’ll write a recap when we get back I’m sure. I’m setting the over / under of absolute value change in my net worth at $10,000.

Stepping Down

A while back I posted about my company’s steps challenge. I noted that I was THE MAN and vowed that my team would win.

My team lead for 10 weeks straight but finished in 3rd overall after the 11th week.

What. Happened.

Dave (Queef) has been anticipating this post for days. Actually, I bet he’s been waiting for it every day since I made that initial post.

fuckHis team won.

Of 81 participants, I had the 3rd most steps. Dave was 1st. He is the sole reason his team won.

For the final two weeks, Dave took almost 450,000 steps. For those who like numbers, that’s about 32,000 steps a day.

Walking for an hour typically yields about 7,500 steps. Which means for the last two weeks, Dave walked a little over four hours a day. There was one day where he walked 70,000 steps. That’s over 9 hours of walking. Suz was PISSED.

I made the bold statement of “my team will win this challenge” and I was out-willed by Dave. I don’t know if readers will impressed or concerned, but regardless, hats off Dave.

Human vs. Animal – Who Wins?

I’m of the opinion that people don’t give enough credit to homo sapiens when it comes down to un-aided combat against animals. I’m sparing air and sea animals as well as insects because it simplifies things.

The scenario is – a naked ~180 pound, ~6 foot man is in a 50 foot x 50 foot room with the animal and they fight until one dies. All animals are to be “average” size unless otherwise specified.

Humans Definitely Win (96-100%)

  • Any spider
  • chickenBeaver
  • Cat
  • Chicken
  • Dingo
  • Fox
  • Frog
  • Meerkat
  • Penguin
  • Porcupine
  • Rabbit / Hare
  • Raccoon
  • Sheep
  • Small snakes
  • Squirrel
  • Toad
  • Tortoise / Turtle
  • Wallaby
  • All dogs except the ones mentioned below

Humans Are Favored (61-95%)

  • Bobcat in tree,telephoto shotAlpaca
  • Anteater
  • Bobcat / Lynx
  • Goat
  • German Shepherd / Great Dane / Rotweiller
  • Medium sized snaked
  • Pig

It’s About Even (40-60%)

  • ostrichCoyote / Wolf
  • Deer
  • Emu / Ostrich
  • Gazelle
  • Hyena
  • Kangaroo
  • Komodo Dragon
  • Large snakes

Humans Are Underdogs (5-39%)

  • wild-boarAntelope
  • Camel
  • Cow
  • Donkey
  • Giraffe
  • Leopard
  • The biggest snakes
  • Wild Boar
  • Zebra

Humans Lose Everytime (0-4%)

  • Alligator / Crocodile
  • orangutanAny Bear
  • Baboon / Chimps / Gorilla / Organutan
  • Buffalo
  • Bull
  • Elephant
  • Hippo
  • Horse
  • Moose
  • Panda
  • Rhino


Objections or omissions welcome.

The Weekend of Gourlay

Dale and I visited Gourlay in Richmond and something must’ve been in the water down there because Gourlay beat me in almost every competition we had.

Sports Betting

gourlayOn Friday I bet $20 that the Sixers +1.5 would cover against the Lakers. Gourlay, unable to name two players on the Lakers, confidently backed them. They won by 11.

Then, down $50 due to other bets, I bet $50 on the Blazers +13.5 against the Warriors. The Warriors won by 45. Gourlay was pumped.

Super Mario Strikers

We played 20 games on the first day and he won 12 of them. We played a few more games the next day for $10 each and Gourlay padded his financial lead on me.

I got the last laugh though winning 4 in a row on Sunday for a quick $40.

MVP Baseball 2004

I beat him once but his streak of who knows how many wins against me was capped off by a ~5 home run inning.

For what it’s worth Dale was also better than me. I hate baseball.

Blackjack / High Card

IMG_1754My lone semi-victory against Gourlay. Playing as the house, I took $22 off of him. Dale on the other hand managed to get down $50. We then had a $50 hand of high card which he won. SHIT.

Rough House

The worst for last.

In the two games we played, Gourlay had 18, needing a 3 to win, and in both games he fired off a near-half court shot with me guarding him that went in both times. It was like the Miracle on Ice x 2.


I ended down $30.70 to him which I promptly paid via Venmo. Enjoy it while it lasts Andrew.

The rest of the weekend was great. Gourlay and I were throwing up from hangovers on Saturday morning. Dale drove down for his own birthday and we did absolutely nothing to celebrate it. Good times.


I’m going to Richmond for the weekend to visit Gourlay. I haven’t posted cause I’m busy at work and I can’t blog on the treadmill for this stupid steps challenge.

I don’t know what we’re going to do in Richmond. Gourlay suggested bowling which is ironic cause he constantly makes fun of me about bowling. Maybe we can plant and grow and sell some succulents, WHATDDYA SAY GOURLAY?!?

Dale is also coming down for his birthday. Huge mistake. Going to be a horrible birthday.

Anyway. I’m writing this on my phone in the waiting room for LASIK. Probably won’t post at all unless Gourlay embarrasses himself horribly.

Have a good weekend.

Nike’s Plan for a Sub 2:00 Marathon

Nike announced a project dedicated to breaking two hours in the marathon by 2017.

Here are the facts:

They’ve selected three athletes who will attempt the feat in 2017. They are:

Eliud Kipchoge

The best marathoner in the world right now, and has the best chance of anyone.

Lelisa Desisa

A great young marathoner who’s wins are more impressive than his times.

Zersenay Tadese

The half marathon world record holder (58:23), but he’s over-the-hill and has failed in every marathon he’s tried. I assume he’s there to pace or something?


These athletes will no doubt have the highest paid / qualified sports doctors along with coaches working with them to optimize their training and attempt.

Nike has acknowledged that this will not be a record eligible marathon. This likely means that it will be:

  • A downhill and/or point-to-point course
  • There could be pacers taking turns every few miles OR pace “cars”
  • Athletes may have access to fluids more often than the set every 5k
  • Other things I haven’t read about yet

The current marathon world record is 2:02:57 by Dennis Kimetto in Berlin, 2014.

My thoughts

This is good and bad, though probably more bad.

The Good

The best marathoner on the planet.
The best marathoner on the planet.

This no-doubt brings a big public spotlight to professional running which struggles to appeal to the masses.

I don’t like Nike, but they’re the big dog in running, and they’re putting effort into publicizing running. That’s good.

If they succeed, regardless of how (despite jumping off a cliff), this will be history.

The Bad

Where to start…

In my opinion, we’re very far away from the two hour marathon.
Even with the aid listed above, I think the chances of this being successful are between 0-1% unless something dramatic changes. Even when marathons go out really slow, the second half is never run in sub 60:00. I have no reason to believe someone is capable of two sub 60:00s.

You’re omitting arguably the greatest runner of all time – Kenenisa Bekele.
bekele-and-kipchogeBekele is fresh off of a 2:03:13 in Berlin out-running Wilson Kipsang (another guy worth considering). He’s proven he’s one of the best marathoners, and if anyone is capable of beating Kipchoge, Bekele is first on that list.

This prevents the Kipchoge-Bekele duel in London.
Many anticipated these two toeing the line in London this year and settling the debate of who’s better. This is no longer in the cards if Kipchoge focuses on this.

If it’s done, it will make “normal” marathons look slow to the common fan.
If the public sees a sub 2:00 marathon, it will diminish great performances slower than it to people who don’t follow running. A 2:05 in New York (G. Mutai), for example, does not inspire amazement despite being amazing an performance when sub 2:00 is the anchor that the public now has.

Fortunately, I don’t think it will happen.


It will bring attention to the sport which is absolutely good, and I like out-of-the-box ideas like this. But this seems a bit gimmicky to me.

Regardless, I’ll be interested to see what Nike comes up with, and as a running fan, I will follow its development closely.

As I said, I don’t see this being successful (… assuming Nike isn’t just pumping them with new PEDs), but I give credit to Nike and the athletes for trying

Seeing Clearly

My eyes suck. My right eye is -8.0 and my left is -7.0. The doctor said my vision was 20/800 – 20/1000. I can’t function without corrective lenses. What’s worse is that my contacts are inconsistent and my glasses have no Douglas.

Me without my glasses or contacts.
Me without my glasses or contacts.

After wearing glasses / contacts for the last 20 years, I’m strongly considering Lasik. As I was making my 90 second drive home, I heard an ad on the radio so I called the number and have an appointment scheduled this Friday to get more details.

The price I got over the phone was $500 – $4000 (how can it possibly be that big of a range). I think it’s a good investment. I despise my bad eyes and if I have the chance to permanently fix them, I think I should take it.

Imagine me with 20/20 vision – I’ll be bowling 300 games every week!

Fantasy Failure

Playoffs started in our 12 man Yahoo league. My team was very good this year:

Position Player
QB Andrew Luck
WR Odell Beckham Jr.
WR Jordy Nelson
RB DeMarco Murray
RB Jay Ajayi
TE Jason Witten
WR/RB Brandon Marshall
BN Theo Riddick
BN Isaiah Crowell
BN Desean Jackson
K Matt Prater
Def/ST Denver


Outside of Prater, everyone on my roster was drafted.

This team was great. So great that it scored the most points in the entire league. I averaged 117 points a week while the league average was 105 points.

Yet I finished 7th out of 12 and missed the playoffs.

To make matters worse – Tom had the second most points, averaging one less point a week than me. And you know what? He didn’t make the playoffs either. The Stortz’s had, unbiasedly, the two best teams in the league.

So who the FUCK made the playoffs? The people with an easy schedule.

Tom and I had the most points in the league, but we also had the most points AGAINST US in the league (Tom #1 and me #2, separated 6 points total).

The average when playing me or Tom was 113.5 points.

The average for the 6 players who made the playoffs? 100 points.

The final stat I’ll give – Record if you played every team each week:

Team Total League Record
Sam 93-50
Tom 90-53
1st 87-56
3rd 84-59
2nd 83-60
4th 80-63
6th 73-70
5th 70-73
9th 69-74
11th 59-90
10th 55-88
12th 21-122


If you can’t tell, I’m PISSED.

This was less about how good your team was, and more about how bad the team you play each week could do.


Final Standings for anyone who’s curious.