I’m on Instagram

I made an Instagram today. Follow me!

Can you guess why I signed up? Joel Embiid. Shocker.

I don’t know what my first picture will be. There’s a lot of pressure. It sets the tone for the rest of my Instagram life. Just look at Gourlay’s first picture:

He’s an Instagram all-star. I need something of equal magnitude. My best thought so far is just taking a ton of pictures of my dad and captioning them with his lines.

We’ll see. Be sure to comment with your stupid ideas.

Partying Too Hard

It’s Monday at 10:00 PM and I feel like dirt. I’m too old for weekends like this apparently.


Wacker, Ryder, Pane and I went to the Sixers game. We pregamed at Stortz Tools with Natty Ice for old times sake. The game was a blast and the Sixers won convincingly. We continued drinking and all but Pane fell alseep on the Lyft ride back.

The rest of the night was Natty Ice and I should have known better. I didn’t blackout but the damage was done.


I woke up hungover as all hell. 30 minutes into being awake I threw up and took a $35 Lyft home from Manayunk. Eventually I mustered up the courage to run and cure my hangover. It worked.

Then I went to Rob’s for the NFL games. Between 5:00 and 11:30 Rob and I each had 13 beers. Before heading out the group decided two shots each should do the trick. We had a trashcan or two per usual for the icing on the cake. Once again I didn’t blackout but the damage was done.


I woke up feeling not-awful all things considered. I met up with Jeff and co. to go to Winter Jam. Against my better judgement I drank a good amount there. GroupLove was the headliner and they were great but at about 7PM when I got back home I knew I was in trouble.

I went from being buzzed to hungover at a horrible time. My body was rebelling. It was 11:30 or so when I went to bed but to no avail. I laid there for probably 90 minutes unable to sleep. My heart rate was about 80BPM and I was feeling worse as each minute went by.


This whole day was bad. I felt awful and my heart was beating too fast all day. I tried hydrating but apparently couldn’t turn around the 48 straight hours of abuse.

Tom, you’re going to be disappointed. Bowling tonight was bad and the Cohen’s were clearly the better brothers. I went 148, 152, 182 with SIX ringing 10’s (missing five conversions) and TWO pocket splits. We went 1-3.

The worst is over. I need to detox and treat my body better. I’m miserable right now. Happy Monday. Go Sixers.

Sleepless in Seattle

Last night around 9:00 I was watching TV but getting ready to be productive. Maybe I’d write a blog, read a book, do some yoga, whatever.

Instead, I stumbled upon the very beginning of Sleepless in Seattle. I’m thinking a 90’s RomCom with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan (two of my favorites) is going to be like an A- / B+ movie.

This movie sucked. Here’s why.

  • The plot takes forever to develop.
  • It’s unrealistic (I’m not even talking about the falling in love over the radio part, but everything else).
  • Your two main characters are only together for two minutes.
  • Tom Hanks and his son are the only good on-camera interaction.
  • That being said, his son is ugly as all hell.
  • The side story with Annie & Walter was terrible.

The was the absolute best line of the movie was Tom Hanks looking at himself in the mirror before his first date:

“My hair’s too long, I look stupid. I was going to get a haircut too, but then I look like I just got a haircut.”

That line was brilliant. I laughed out loud, and since it was early on I thought the movie had a chance.

The number of people who are seeing this movie for the first time in 2017 is probably tiny, but if you’re thinking of becoming one of those people, don’t.

Overall: C-

Embiid’s Stardom

This LibertyBallers piece on Joel Embiid makes a great and somewhat disturbing point. The article too long, so I copied out the good part.

Joel Embiid will never be as pure as he is right now. The Sixers are (positively) at the center of the basketball universe for the first time in over a decade because of his otherworldly array of talents. His hilarious antics are still fresh: his goofy faces during post-game interviews, his very public courting of one of the biggest pop stars in the world in Rihanna, his fake Donald Trump endorsement tweet, his motions to pump up the crowd as tens of thousands of people chant, “Trust the Process!” as he steps to the free throw line.

He’s on pace to be the most self-aware superstar of the era. His social media presence, from his soliciting All-Star votes from Sam Hinkie (and getting them!) to Instagram Live videos where he lives streams team bowling outings and calls both Simmons and Chandler Parsons virgins, is unparalleled for a player of his caliber.

Someday, however, people will ruin Embiid’s outsized personality. The talking heads will spit fire about how he should focus more on winning, more on refining his game, more on being a better teammate than being a 7’2” fun-loving goofball. Some abrasive prick looking to fill a segment of his daily TV show will start questioning Embiid’s game. Is he really that good? What has he won so far in his career? Will he ever win a championship? He’ll be torn down, built up and torn right back down ad nauseam, as every great player is when he’s trying to make the jump from elite to immortal.

Embiid’s stardom is in its infancy. It’s untainted. For this short period of time, he’s invulnerable (figuratively, let’s hope physically too). Enjoy everything he does while it lasts, because this is unique.

2017 NFL Playoff Predictions

Wild Card Round


Miami Dolphins @ Pittsburgh Steelers

Steelers are the easy pick. There’s no reason to think Matt Moore, on the road, can knock off Pittsburgh who, although I think they’re overrated, has been hot. Pittsburgh rolls.

Oakland Raiders @ Houston Texans

I picked the Raiders to make the AFC Championship game before the season started. It was looking great until Carr got hurt. It got even more unlikely when McGloin went down too. But CONNOR COOK will pull this out. The Texans suck.


New York Giants @ Green Bay Packers

I said in my preseason predictionIf the Packers are healthy, they’ll be in the NFC Championship game“. All signs point toward that right now. BUT I’M GOING AGAINST MY OWN PREDICTION! The Giants will knock them off IN LAMBEAU tomorrow night.

Detroit Lions @ Seattle Seahawks

Seattle isn’t going to mess around here and the Lions limped into the playoffs. If Stafford were 100% they’d still probably lose, but they’d have a chance. Seattle wins easily.

Divisional Round


Pittsburgh Steelers @ Kansas City Chiefs

An interesting game, but as I said before, I think the Steelers are a bit overrated, and I think the Chiefs are overlooked. Andy Reid is a better coach than Mike Tomlin. The Chiefs win this game.

Oakland Raiders @ New England Patriots

Not even close. Pats absolutely lay pipe and cover whatever massive spread there is on this game. People will question if it was “okay for them to run the score up”. Oakland has a bright future though.


Seattle Seahawks @ Atlanta Falcons

All season long I questioned if the Falcons were for real, but I’m sold now. I’m also sold that Seattle has lost a step (even though I predicted them to make the NFC Championship Game in the preseason…). Atlanta, at home, exposes Seattle.

New York Giants @ Dallas Cowboys

The Cowboys seem destined to choke away this season and the Giants are the last team they want to play. After losing to them twice already, the mental aspect plays a huge role here. Even in Jerry-World, I think the Giants win this game because Eli is too stupid to feel pressure. However, this won’t be the last we see of Dak and Zeke.

Championship Round


Kansas City Chiefs @ New England Patriots

No one wants to play the Chiefs. The Chiefs CAN win this game. But I don’t think they will. It won’t be pretty, and it will be close the whole way, but I think that Pats pull this out and head to their seventh Super Bowl.


New York Giants @ Atlanta Falcons

I’m torn. A Giants-Pats Super Bowl rematch would be amazing, but I think the Giants’ luck runs out here. With Green Bay, Seattle, Dallas, etc. everyone is overlooking the Falcons in the NFC, but I think they sneak their way into the Super Bowl.

Super Bowl LI

Atlanta Falcons vs. New England Patriots

Atlanta is very good. Their offense is great and Matt Ryan, I think, will win MVP. But the big stage does funny things to some teams, especially when they’ve never been there before.

The Pats are not at their best without Gronk, but as I said before the season started, Brady is out for BLOOD after that bullshit four game suspension. And what’s worse for the rest of the league, he’s more rested than he would’ve been had he played those four games.

This is Tom’s for the taking, and you better believe he’s taking.


I wasn’t sure what to expect immediately following LASIK, but whatever I expected was not even close to how bad it actually was.

How I felt last night.

I could barely open my eyes, and when I did tears would pour out. Both eyes felt like I put a contact in as wrong as possible, and I had to sit there enduring the pain with my eyes closed for hours. I went to bed about 6 hours after the procedure, still in pain, and hoped for the best.

I woke up this morning and was almost entirely pain-free. Vision was a little blurry, but they said that’s expected. I went in for my follow up this morning and they said it went exceptionally well. 20/15 vision for this guy!

I have to put in drops for the next week or two but the worst (by far) is over.

All in all, it’s already noticeably life-changing and despite last night, I would do it again in a heart-beat.

I’m Getting LASIK Tomorrow.

Tomorrow at 3:00PM I’m scheduled for LASIK.

This whole process went quicker than I expected, but that’s what happens when you’re proactive about things (which I’m clearly not used to). After a week or two I’ll basically be all healed.

No more squinting for me!

I have an oddly sentimental attachment to by bad eye-sight. There’s a weird sense of pride in not being able to read anything more than a foot away from my face.

But! I try to make decisions based on logic and practicality, not emotion or sentimentality. Less than 10% of all humans ever have had this opportunity – I’m lucky enough to be born in this time and have the financial means to do this (~$2,700 in all).

Soon, I’ll forget what it’s like to put in contacts or wake up unable to see the clock. As JC would say, it’s a beautiful thing.

New year, new Sam!

2017 Goals

On the heels of my 2016 successes and failures, here are my goals for 2017.

  • PR in the mile AND 5k.
  • Visit three major-ish US cities that I’ve never been to.
  • Go to a country I’ve never been to.
  • Move out of my parents house.
  • Get a cat once I move out.
  • Bowl a 300 (before Tom).
  • Attend a play.
  • Write 6 hand-written letters and mail them.
  • Write a 5 year letter to myself.
  • Go to a dentist.
  • Formally volunteer my time at least once.
  • Invest 25% of my money.
  • Don’t significantly injury myself while blacked out.
  • Don’t get in a fist fight with anyone (considering making it the opposite).
  • Watch Joel Embiid and Ben Simmons play together live.
  • Watch three Sixers’ wins live.
  • Get Molly Sullivan’s number.
  • Watch Tom Brady win MVP and / or the Super Bowl this year.
  • Watch an American win gold in a distance event at the WCs.
  • Watch an American Record in a distance event.
  • Write 225 blog posts (more realistic than last year).
  • Buy a new suit.
  • Advance my career… by getting a new title!
  • Get LASIK.
  • Watch the Godfather.
  • Read 5 books.
  • PR in the beer mile.
  • Run over 2000 miles.
  • Attempt 100 beers and 100 miles in a week.
  • Make back all the money I lost in 2016 gambling.

I was less than 50% on 2016 goals so I’m determined to better that mark.

2016 Goals – Final Update

2017 goals will be coming up, but here’s the 2016 recap.

  • Write 250 posts for the blog – Finished at 205.
  • Get my own cat – Nope… 2017 though!
  • Buy and actively play a keyboard – Nope!
  • Go to three major-ish US cities I’ve never been to – Check.
  • Go to one country I’ve never been to – Gourlay didn’t plan anything so it didn’t happen.
  • Invest some of the money that’s sitting in my bank account – Does Atlantic City count?
  • Run 2000 miles – 1393. Will be more in 2017.
  • PR in anything running – Cheaply counting 56.06. 2017 WILL have PRs
  • Watch an American win a gold medal in a distance race at the Olympics – #CentroNation
  • Break 100 in golf – I suck at golf
  • Don’t break any bones – Non-contact sports helped this become a reality.
  • See a tornado – Stupid goal.
  • Cry from a movie – Can’t remember to be honest.
  • Go to at least five concerts – Don’t remember them all but yes.
  • PR in bowling (212) – Pffffffft. 289.
  • Visit the West Coast – San Fran.
  • Visit Gourlay in Richmond – Twice!
  • Go to a Richmond Kickers game – Thank god this didn’t happen.
  • Play for the Richmond Kickers – They asked me to sign and I said no.
  • Be in the black from gambling – Not even close. May roll it on Brady to win the Super Bowl to break even.
  • Accurately predict every game in the March Madness bracket – Woof.
  • Advance my career – Yes…?
  • Buy a nice new suit – With all of my friends getting engaged I still need to do this.
  • Be on a boat out on water with only one other person – Nope.
  • Meet someone famous – Does Molly Sullivan count?
  • Watch the Godfather and Scarface – 1/2 and Scareface sucked.
  • Finish 1984 – Didn’t even start it.
  • Win a race – Surprisingly good year for running.
  • Spend over $100 per person on a meal – Yes but it was the company’s money, not mine.
  • Make people like me and this blog again – YOU TELL ME.