Today was easily the most eventful, craziest, most random, and miraculous day all summer. Here’s a breakdown of what was supposed to happen, as if it hasn’t already happened.
1: I wake up and run
2: Palm, Paul, Pat, Ian, Jonny, and Gourlay come over to pregame for the Phillies
3: We go to the game, enjoy it, and come home
4: I go on another run, hang out for a little bit, and then go to bed
Things went as planned up until step 3. I woke up, ran a dreadful 4 miles, made some eggs, then everyone started showing up. Palm and Paul were driving and not drinking so Ian, Pat, Johnny, Gourlay, and I were allowed to drink. We all started off with a beer and then Jonny and Gourlay showed up with the handle of Vladdy that was to be used. We pretty much went around in a rotation doing shots between 4 or 5 of us. We poured the rest of it in water bottles and then headed for the train. People were pretty drunk and everyone was in a happy mood. Then all of sudden everyone had to pee really badly. I peed in the front seat into an iced tea while everyone else held it until we got to the train. Once we got there, we bought our train token thingys and this is where we should have realized Johnny was hammered. There’s the big glass thing separating you from the cashier at the train station and then there’s the little slot where you put the money and she grabs it and puts the tokens and you grab em, well Johnny knocked over my coke and it flooded the little exchange zone. The lady was clearly not a happy camper and we just wanted to get out of there. We got the tokens, and Johnny decided that he would use both of his round trip tokens on the way there. So were down one token already. I can’t make fun of him too much though because I made an even dumber mistake, I put my token in and for some reason pushed the little twisty thing in with my hand, so it went around and I didn’t go through. I tried to walk through it and it wouldn’t budge. So I looked around and then tried to hop over it. I got insta-caught by the two security guys and then I had to explain to them what I did and how I was a retard.
We got on the subway and Johnny starts asking this black guy if he lives in North Hills… Surprise, he didn’t. We were drinking on the ride and Gourlay started chugging out of it gulp after gulp for like 5 seconds, he starts freaking out saying where’s the chaser and we didn’t have one so he was upset. He went with his default move when he gets upset, he leaned his head back so he was looking at the ceiling and started spitting straight up and it would land right on his face. He did this maybe 10 times and everyone was staring right at him. Then he started looking really sick and I sat next to him and asked,
“Gourlay, are you alright?” “No…” “Are you gonna throw up?” “Yeah” “Can you hold it until we get off?” “Yeah I think so…”
So we ran into a bit of a problem. 5 minutes later we were off the subway and he went for the bench and was hugging the trash can. He told us to go and we could just meet him at the game, so that’s what we did. We all started walking out towards the stadium and we look back, thank the lord Gourlay and Johnny are walking close behind. We asked if he was good and he said he felt better, but him and Johnny were going to pee real quick and then meet us in the game. Ian and I had a bottle of power-aid mixed with Vladdy and we had to finish as much as possible before we got the the gate because we’d have to throw it if we tried to get in. We went back and forth and almost finished the whole thing, to Ian’s credit, I thought he might vomit or get out of hand but he was good the whole time. We get in the game, get in our seats, and about 10 minutes later there’s still no Johnny or Gourlay. I called Gourlay and he says, “yeah I’m on my way, I don’t know where Johnny is though.” So I call Johnny and he’s saying that they wouldn’t let him in because he was too drunk, I told him to meet me at the other entrance and he could get in there, he didn’t meet me. The next 2 hours are a total mystery. I watched probably 15 pitches of baseball but was pretty set on trying to get Johnny in or go out and find him. Right before I went on my search, Gourlay, Mike and I all met up to make up a plan, but at Gourlay informed us that he just went into the bathroom and forced himself to throw up… it was clear he wasn’t lying due to the massive amount of throw up that stained his white tee.
At the 8th inning we made a group decision that we had to leave, find Johnny, and then just go home. Pat and Paul had a tee time for 6 so they had to leave and Ian went with them. That left me, Gourlay, and Mike to find Johnny. I talked to him 31 times in 2 hours and he literally gave me a different answer every single time as to where he was. He kept saying he was at the Link and we’d go to the Link and then he’d be like, I’m at this street, it’s near this thing, come pick me up! and we’d just be totally lost having no idea where he was, and also we didn’t have a car. He gave Gourlay an intersection he was at, when we asked an officer where that was he told us it was about a mile and a half in some random direction. We were all pissed off at this point and just wanted leave. After an hour or so post game we found him. Gourlay bumped into him at this big intersection and frantically called me saying he found him and everything was okay and we could get the hell out. We get to the subway station, get on the subway, and we were on our way. We kept asking Johnny what happened and his answers consisted of, “I was climbing fences, people were chasing me”, and when asked about the cut on his leg… “what are you talking about?”. He said he blacked out and doesn’t remember anything. We got off the subway and Mike drove us all home. We came to my house and Johnny was still trying to figure out what happened. We asked him something about the subway ride back and he didn’t remember taking the subway back. So now it was a game of, “well are you blacked out right now or not…” He didn’t know, then we’d ask him about something that happened 10 minutes ago and he’d be very vague with his answer of Yes or No.
We ate some food and kind of regained our composure. Palm and I still had a run to do so we got running. I was going for another 6 miles and Mike did 10. Johnny biked behind us for most of it. I got back early and Johnny wasn’t with me or Mike. 10 minutes later my bike was back in my garage but there was no Johnny. Liz came and picked him up and went back to her house. So I waited for Mike and then we went to Liz’s. We swam for about 5 minutes then watched TV with her, Kelly, Michelle, and two males that I’d never formally met before. We watched TV for 2 hours and then headed off to Wendy’s. At this point Johnny was complaining about how his stomach was bothering him but we all got food anyway. Johnny had a frosty but that didn’t last long. We were prepared to depart, Mike was going home and I was to drive Johnny home and call it a night. As we’re getting into our car, Johnny starts puking everywhere. He looks at me for about 5 seconds, says, “we need to get outta here” and then starts puking again. We book it out of the lot and as we’re going out I see a police car pulling in. Now this wouldn’t be that awful because I obviously wasn’t drunk anymore and wouldn’t blow anything, but with an empty handle of Vladdy sitting in the back seat… well that’s just a tough story to explain to the officer if things go bad. I floored it to Johnny’s, ditched the handle, and returned home safely.
All in all, things ended up well. We had a great time, the Phillies won (I think…), Johnny’s alive, Ian had a great performance which made up for last time, our drivers Paul and Mike came through in the clutch, Pat was just a solid player the whole time, and we got a good story from it.