Trials – Inferno 3

Trials is a two dimensional dirt biking game where you try to get over obstacles in a bunch of different levels as fast as you can with as little mess-ups as possible. It’s extremely addicting for whatever reason and over the past couple of months I have gotten pretty good. Wacker showed me the game and initially I sucked but with hard work and him teaching me I have gotten really good. Him and I go back and forth on who’s better but lately I’ve been playing more so I’ve been doing better.

I’ve spent a large portion of the last two-three weeks playing a level in Trials called Inferno 3. This level is arguably the hardest level in the game. I pretty much made it my mission to “platinum” this level (beat a certain time and don’t mess up at all). I would spend literally hours sitting there playing this level over and over. Some sessions results in a new personal best and some were a complete waste of hours. On Saturday I finally platinumed it and I went absolutely bonkers. I went even more bonkers when I saw the time rank, ~48 seconds and 402 in the game. Of the ~1 million people who play the game, I was 402 on that level. *This is kind of stupid because I have way better ranked songs in Guitar Hero and more people definitely play that than Trials.

To the point of the post. Should I be proud of this at all? Should I be disappointed that I wasted hours of my life that I could have spent doing much more productive things? It’s not even a game that anyone has heard of. I played for so long to do something that is worth absolutely nothing to pretty much everyone. This all screams that no I should not be proud and that it is useless.

But I see a positive to this though. I set a goal for myself and I accomplished that goal at all costs. I dedicated hours to something that wasn’t always enjoyable, in fact it was quite stressful at times, but I saw it through. Maybe I won’t walk into a job interview and say “My greatest accomplishment? Well I plantinumed Inferno 3” but maybe I will say “I’m very dedicated and when I set a goal I make sure I achieve that goal.”  And maybe one day I’ll meet a girl who absolutely loves Trials and she won’t be able to take her hands off of me when I tell her that I platinumed Inferno 3.

Marc Morrone – Pets Get Hurt

Courtesy of Mark/I-am-bored. This is absolutely hilarious. Particularly the one at 1:20  where the bird is tossing around the other bird, Marc’s reaction is hysterical.

Normal Saturday

Last night was strange for me. It was strange because of how normal it was for some people. More often than not I black out and pass out before midnight. This was not the case last night. I started drinking very lightly around 4:30 while playing Trials (there will be an entirely separate post dedicated to that shortly after this one). I had ~4 Natty Lights in the span of a few hours and then we started playing 3-man which is when I switched over to lukewarm (I had no idea lukewarm was one word) Genny Ice. 3-man is actually what saved my night. I stood up to get a beer and was distracted by something. When I came back to the game I had to drink a lot on the spot so I chugged a warm Genny ice. Moments later I was standing over the toilet ready to puke. I managed to hold it in but because of that I stopped drinking, mind you it was only 8:30 at this point.

So because I almost puked I ended up saving myself. In all honesty I don’t really know what happened between the hours of 9 and 12. I don’t think I blacked out but nothing that significant happened. Slade and I played one game of pong where we got crushed by the Lambs which ended my pong games for the night. A group of us decided that we would go to Wawa at midnight and this plan was successfully executed. It was Nolan, Slade, Grace and I. It’s funny because all four of us were riding a fine line of black-out. I can recall certain things, I know for a fact I got a chicken cheese steak and that Slade smashed a pumpkin in the road but not much else.

There was a lot of drama when we got back involving Wacker and Slade (and I believe Nolan as well but there are not many reports of this other than mine and Slade’s). Slade and/or Wacker were super gluing items to desks/tables. This made me unhappy but it made Wacker even more unhappy. No one was hurt and no one is mad at each other anymore which is what’s important. After that I was invited to the girls track team party with some fraternity. I was reluctant to go because guys track people weren’t supposed to be there but it was almost 1 in the morning so I said what the qua. Emlamb, her sister, Liz, and Grace went up there and pretty much nothing was going on. We figured we would get the party started and we succeeded. We were there until 2:15 or so dancing and singing and it was a pretty good time. I wasn’t even that drunk at that point which was unusual but it was fun regardless.

After campus safety shut the party down we pretty much called it a night. It was fun, I didn’t get too drunk, and I stayed up late. If I had to guess I would say that this is what most people do on weekends. I don’t know what I like more. I’m not going to sit here and say that my days of blacking out/passing out before 11:00 are over but perhaps I’m onto something here. It was a good night and a good weekend overall.

Case Race Review

It’s Saturday afternoon and the case race is over. Here’s a recap. Teams of 5 were all drinking a 24 of Miller High Life Light, the teams were posted in the last entry. Anyway, pre-race experts put my team as the loser because we had 4 girls and that it would be a battle between Mark and Wacker’s team. We had our game plan set up beforehand and everyone knew what they were supposed to do. The girls goal was to drink one every 10 minutes for as long as they could and I was going to do my own thing.

Schroeds started us off and we were out fast. The girls went out a little to quickly perhaps but it was okay, they all pretty much finished their first one within 6 or 7 minutes, except for one. They settled in pretty well after the first beer. I was also cruising, my stomach felt good and I was just ready to go. We were in the lead at half way with Wacker and Slade close behind. We hit half way in about 20 minutes, I had five and each of them had 2-3, except for one. AWOLNATION was blasting and I emphasized bouncing around to force some burps out. This worked really well for me personally. I would let out a huge string of burps and then take some big chugs.

At about 35 minutes Mark’s team was pretty much out of it and we had a ~two beer lead on Wacker and Slades team so it was time to dig deep, we could see the finish line. A collective effort put the last one or two down and we stopped the clock at 42 minutes. I finished 9, Liz, Larissa, and Grace all had a little over 4, and Kim had 2 which was exactly what we needed to do. Wacker and Slade’s team finished in about 48 minutes so it was kind of close but still a decisive win. Mark’s team came in around 55 minutes. It felt very good to rub it in everyone’s face that we won just because everyone assumed we didn’t have a chance. The girls did what they were supposed to and I actually did better than I thought I would. I expected we could break an hour and possibly scare 50 minutes if we did really well but 42 was really fast I thought. 9 beers in 42 is certainly a PR for me.

Afterward was not as bad as I thought it would be either. I didn’t even black out which is surprising but I did stop drinking after the race (mostly because I didn’t have beer to drink). There was a conflict however. I told everyone beforehand that if Danielle had 6 beers for the race which she claimed was possible that I would literally eat my own shit. Afterward she claimed that she did have 6 but after further review that did not appear to be the case, phew. I went down to 103 for a little bit where Abud and I shot gunned a beer. We also scheduled a Frisbee game for today that will probably not happen. After that I was outside 205 for a while talking to a few of them. They said they wanted to do some sort of drinking competition with our suites and my natural response was something like “Why? You’re all girls, we would kill you.” Little did I know they wanted to mix the teams up which would make more sense. Also, a girl from my high school came out for a little bit and I just kept saying that she was pissed. She wasn’t pissed initially but I think she was getting there after I said it about 30 times.

I went back to my suite while campus safety was attempting to fix our suite door. The rest of the night was tame. There was dancing and whatnot in my room but it was relatively short-lived. I woke up today and crushed a 10 mile run with Jatin in about 70 minutes (he ran Paul Short and is staying over for the weekend (yes he beat my time yesterday (but we weren’t in the same race so it doesn’t count))). I don’t know what the game plan for today is. It’s 1 o’clock and I’m not hung over at all so I might begin drinking shortly but who knows. I want to do 40 hands because I think I could PR after last night. I would guess that I don’t do it tonight but we’ll see. Tonight should be fun regardless.

Post Pre Analysis

The UCXC team just got back from the 39th annual Paul Short invitational. This is an awesome meet to go to because of how big it is and how good a lot of the people are. The course is pretty fast but unfortunately due to the rain it was pretty shitty today. I came in with absolutely no expectations/pressure. It’s weird, when I know I’m not going to run fast compared to last year or my PRs it just takes all the pressure away. Anyway, the race started and my game plan was to be a little more aggressive this time. I went out in 5:37 which isn’t fast but isn’t slow either. I knocked over a cone with my johnson pretty much in the first turn. I hit two miles in 11:29 and then started to roll a little bit. I didn’t speed up but the third mile was really beat up and I kept on about 5:45 pace and was passing people left and right. The fourth mile was more of the same, consistent effort and working up to one person after the other. I started riggin’ a bit for the fifth mile but managed to hang on to some bro until the last 100 and then had a pretty solid last kick too beat him. The time was balls slow in 28:29 which is about what I ran at Misericordia but the day was way worse and the course was slower so I’m not bummed. All around it was a good race and a fun meet.

That was the post analysis. Now it’s time for the pre analysis. In one hour we will begin the XC case race. We do this every year after Paul Short. We were a little short handed in terms of participants but we managed to drag together 15 willing people. The teams are as follows.   Wacker, Slade, Emlamb, Danielle, and Ellie. Mark, Vince, Nolan, Rudy, and Nicole. Sam, Liz, Larissa, Grace, and Kim. Now, you may be asking how did Mark end up with four dudes and me with none? Well I did get the last pick but that’s not totally relevant. I picked my team based off who I think will drink the most in the competition. I think some of my girls will drink more than some of Mark’s guys. We’ll see though. I personally don’t think any team is clearly better than any other team but it promises to be a fun time. I have some predictions but I won’t post them.


Today I was scheduled to take pictures for my senior yearbook. I got all dressed up in a suite, tie, pants, and nice shoes and made my way over to the photo place. In my opinion I looked pretty sharp. However, taking staged pictures has always been a problem for me and I think I know why. When I was in elementary school my smile was pretty good. I wasn’t shy and it didn’t really bother me to smile for a staged photo, it just kind of came naturally. However, in 5th grade disaster struck.

For those who don’t know I have a pretty extreme teeth problem. I grow teeth like a mofo. My oral surgeon just retired and informed me that throughout 7 oral operations we’ve done spanning a 9 year time period, he pulled 28 total teeth, 17 real teeth and 11 ‘extra’ teeth (with 4 more waiting to be pulled next summer). In 5th grade I had an operation that removed 10 teeth including my front four teeth. I could clench my jaw as hard as possible and still easily stick my tongue out of mouth to touch my nose, it was quite the sight actually. But these incredible skills did not come without a cost, my precious smile was gone.

For all of middle school I had no teeth. All of a sudden Sam was extremely self-conscious. I tried to learn how to smile with my mouth closed but I think we can all agree that never looks good. This also hindered my ability to talk to females with any sort of confidence. Who would want to talk to a toothless freak? In a way my toothlessness came to define me in middle school, that’s who I was, that was my thing; the kid with no teeth. It took a while for me to grow out of it but by the time I did it didn’t matter, the damage was done. My beautiful natural smile vanished along with the 28 teeth that Dr. Griffith pulled.

And today, when I needed to be on top of my picture taking game, I can’t help but think my smile was awkward and forced for every single photo. I will probably show the pictures I took to my kids in the future and when they start laughing at how funny daddy looks I will then give them the link to this exact post to explain why.

Quas versus Douglas: A Paradox

Before I get into the thesis of this post, I should educate those who are not familiar with the terms “qua” and “douglas”. Qua means fuck. The specific phrase that will be talked about in this post is “No quas” which pretty much means “I don’t give a fuck.” Douglas is essentially how you look/dress, a style more or less. The prime example of no douglas is having your t-shirt stick out from beneath your sweatshirt. This is a no douglas move. Most desired is to give no quas and have douglas. However these two have not been associated with one another, until today. Also relevant is swag, how you carry yourself.

Liz and I were exiting Wismer today when she made a comment about my sandals. For those who don’t know I lost my nice sandals last weekend and have been wearing size 12+ pink Phillies sandals that I bought for $1. She said that she would pay for me to buy new sandals because mine are just too ridiculous. My response was “No quas” to which she replied “No douglas” and that’s when it hit me; How can you give no quas and still have douglas?

There is a direct positive relationship between quas and douglas. The more douglas you have (desired), naturally the more quas you give (not desired). Someone with a lot of douglas (desired) would have nice new clothing that matches well but this person clearly gives some quas about how they look (not desired). Someone who truly gave no quas (desired) would throw on pink sandals, sweat pants, and a sleeveless Sandy Run Middle School shirt and not think anything of it. This person would have absolutely zero douglas (not desired).

So what do we do? This is quite the conundrum. Do we sacrifice some of our quas to increase our douglas or do we just say qua it and have zero douglas to match our zero quas? I believe it is all situational. I personally don’t have much douglas to begin with. I don’t really pay too much attention to how I dress so I’m going to keep it that way and give no quas. My reasoning behind this as opposed to increasing my douglas is as follows, I think giving no quas generally increases your swag.

When you give no quas about how you look you give off an aura of confidence. It’s like, “I don’t look good? Why do I care about that? In fact, why do you care about that? Do you give quas or something like that?” The person accused of giving quas will naturally not want to admit that they give quas so the no qua/no douglas guy comes out with the victory in my mind. Having a lot of douglas might make you seem self-conscious and self-conscious is pretty much the definition of giving way too many quas. If you’re constantly trying to impress people with how you look then you just care way too much.

Now I’m not saying it’s impossible to have douglas and not be self-conscious. People with douglas can also give off an aura of confidence but for whatever reason I imagine a guy with douglas losing the battle to the guy who gives no quas. But that’s just my personal opinion. I personally know that I wouldn’t be able to have a lot of douglas and keep my no qua status. Douglas doesn’t come natural to me so I figure I’ll just leave it alone.

I’ll add this just for fun. The fact that I’m writing a 600 word post describing the paradox between quas and douglas shows that I clearly give way too many quas and since I don’t have douglas either I have two undesirable results. That’s not good.

The whole system is fucked.

Three in a row

I’ll sum up my weekend in this post. I said that I wasn’t going to black-out on Friday and I’m not actually sure if I succeeded or not. We invited Gourlay and he showed up around 8:30. Things got going with a solid game of quarters which is getting a lot more play time lately. When more people showed up we switched to thumper which is always a good time. Someone suggested that we run some naked laps on the track and we all decided it was a good idea. The group of participants included myself, Mark, Slade, Rudy, Gourlay, Nolan, and Vince while the spectators were Liz, Emlamb, Alex Becker, *and Grace. There was an event shutting down so we had to wait a bit but the second the track was cleared we were off, it was an overall success despite Gourlay getting last and spreading out naked face-down on the track. Once we were back I started doing shots with Alex Becker who turned out to be my best friend for the night. This is where the black-out may or may not have occurred. Regardless, I remember the end of the night pretty well so I’ll consider it not a black-out.

I woke up for practice and barely completed a 12 mile run. I was solo the last 6 miles and the last 2 or so was a real struggle but I made it the whole way. The plan for Saturday was to play Wizards which is normally an all-day game but none of us were in great condition to drink so we started extra late (~7:00). Slade and I had a decent head start on everyone so the race was on between us as to who could become a wizard first. I can’t recall specific details but he had 3 Natty Ice pounders to my 2 (the rest were Natty Lights) so it was difficult to figure out who was winning and who was losing. According to a source he did in fact beat me to 12 but I was right behind. I blacked out a little bit but nothing major. I remember Vince and I having a dance off in the common room and we were both just going bonkers. My final staff included 2 Natty Ice pounders, 1 normal Natty Ice, and 11 Natty Lights which is around a Wizards PR for me I think.

I woke up not that hung over and completed a nice and easy 6 mile run for a 64 mile week. Not much happened during the day but at some point Mark and I decided we would go to Silver Coin night at the Trappe. We showed up together and spent the entire time by ourselves. It was as much of a date is it could possibly be with two dude. Regardless it was a pretty fun time and the buffet at the end was worth it.

Paul Short is this Friday which is one of the best cross country meets in the country which is always fun. I’m feeling more confident now given the recent workouts and how I’ve felt running-wise. I’ve taken out the last two races very conservatively to make sure I had something left for the end which probably ended up costing me some time. I’m going to be a little more aggressive at Paul Short and risk blowing up to run a good time. I figure something like 27:30 would be a good performance that I couldn’t be disappointed with (although Freshman year Sam ran 27:41 there and I feel like I should be more than 11 seconds faster than him no matter how injured I’ve been…). Either way it will be a fun race that I’m looking forward to.


This is a topic that has caused some debate over the past few years. How much PDA is appropriate and when is it okay. I personally don’t have a problem with PDA but Mark is completely against it (although you wouldn’t know that lately). However I think there are levels that should be maintained for the good of the public. I was just walking behind a couple where the guy had his arm so awkwardly around the girl while trying to walk that it was painful to watch. I don’t know if they were doing this because they thought that’s what they are supposed to do or if that actually feels natural to them (there’s no way). Walking arms around each other is tough to do without it affecting the way you walk so I’ve ditched that one all together. I think the best option is holding hands. It’s hard to screw up but it still shows that you’re a couple and you’re comfortable with each other. No non-couple would hold hands.

Another frequent awkward occurrence is the goodbye kiss when they’re more focused on who’s watching them than anything else. If you’re going to do a goodbye kiss just do it, no one thinks it’s weird unless you think it’s weird. However making out in public is not okay. No one wants to see two people make out especially when others are around. There’s both a time and a place for that and there’s no justifiable reason you have to do it in front of everyone.


Coming back, not black

I’ll do everyone’s least favorite type of post, a life update (with a focus on running, even better).

Running has been going really well lately. I’m not going to say I’m quite 100% injury free but my back hasn’t acted up at all lately and I’m on pace to hit 60-70 miles this week which will be the first time I go that high in roughly 10 months. I can double, do all the workouts, and not have to cut runs short because I’m worried about my back. I don’t really notice it anymore. I’m very close to 100% injury free. I’m also getting in better shape. On August 27th I averaged about 5:35 for five mile repeats and it was a very hard effort. Today I averaged about 5:14 for five mile repeats at an equally hard effort although Mark and Vince beat me on the last one pretty good. It’s beginning to come back quickly and I can feel myself getting in better shape every week. I don’t know where I’ll be in a week or a month but I’m gaining fitness at a very fast rate right now. Mark definitely has some on me but it’s nice to have someone to chase. I’m just hoping that I catch him by the end of the season and a PR at conferences or regionals would be awesome. I’m just happy to be running again and not worrying about a stupid injury.

Otherwise life is pretty standard. School isn’t very difficult yet but I have a lot to do for the end of the semester. Until then I’m pretty much golden. We also have a two day weekend starting tomorrow which is always nice. I made a vow last weekend that I wouldn’t black out and I did the exact opposite because of the crate race. I am making that same vow for Friday night of this week. With all of my blog visitors as a witness, I will not black out tomorrow night. I’m not doing this for any particular reason other than to prove that I am capable of doing it. Mark and I will be splitting a free case of Dos Equis and I will get a solid buzz early and sustain it throughout the night. Saturday we’re playing wizards which is an auto-blackout, I won’t even bother making promises regarding that night.