One Last Yolo

I apologize for not posting the past few days but I’ve been yolo’ing as hard as I ever have before and was simply too hungover yesterday to do it. This post will just be a summary of my past few days, I’ll have another post regarding graduation and my new life shortly after.

Wednesday was the lead up day. Sure we were going to drink a lot and have fun but it would likely pale in comparison to Thursday night. I started drinking early. I did four shots before my team sports final and having a buzz for that made it much more bearable. After that the easy drinking continued. A group of girls + Drew decided they were going to attempt a beer mile. Amos, Nolan, and I showed up early to play Frisbee which honestly never gets old. I could be out there all day with those guys tossing the Frisbee around. Anyway, the beer mile went off and outside of Gina, it wasn’t entirely impressive. Gina however was crushing it as she finished her four beers and 3.1 laps before things went spiraling into oblivion. I don’t remember the time exactly but she was on pace to finish under 10 and then puking struck and it was more or less GG. She finished in ~12:15. Props to Krista and Nicole for finishing as well, they achieved what they set out to do.

Ben arrived and our game plan was to meet up with Mark and Ryder at a bar somewhere between Collegeville and Reading. That’s exactly what we did. The four of us caught up with one another, drank some beers, and enjoyed some average food. Sure getting rachet and binge drinking really hard is always fun but I value times like Wednesday night equally as much. It’s hard to beat simply enjoying each others company especially since the four of us rarely ever get to do that anymore.

Thursday had finally arrived. It was just a great day all around. Everyone was out in Reimert courtyard drinking, bonding, and enjoying the great weather and atmosphere. I was between sipping beers and doing shots of Tortilla but was managing to stay within my boundaries. At one point we ran out of Tortilla Gold so Nipane, Slade, and I headed off to the liquor store/Wendy’s. I purchased two liters of Tortilla Gold as well as some high-quality Wendy’s food. After eating is where I made the mistake. I just ripped a bit too many shots and was K.O.’d by 8 or 9. It was during this time that the blue paint marker was finally put to use. I transformed for black-out Sam Stortz to Mel Gibson in Braveheart.

Rumor has it that Drew woke me up around 10 (?) and informed me that I must go down the fountain. At this point in time I was not aware that my face and body were colored blue. I don’t know exactly how it happened but I found myself up on the fountain naked with a megaphone in my hand likely speaking gibberish to the crowd of hundreds surrounding the fountain. The fountain festivities lasted a while and as always provided great entertainment for all parties involved. I don’t really know what was going on the rest of the night but I was conscious for all of it.

I woke up at 8:30 and had to get all the blue off my face before I could attend graduation. I caught Satchel on the way out and we learned that we would be sitting next to each other for the duration of graduation which was very convenient. He somehow slugged four beers in the time from when he woke up to the time that we headed out from Olin to sit in our seats. I was extraordinarily hung over for the first hour or so but settled in and made it through without and real trouble. After it was over I took a few pictures then headed to the suite to clean up which turned out to be much more difficult than everyone was anticipating.

I had lunch and dinner with my family which is always a good time then headed home to watch some Playoff NBA basketball and catch up on some sleep. Today is Gourlay’s graduation party and I will be attending. I essentially have these next two weeks off to tard out and enjoy myself before I become a true adult and going to Gourlay’s graduation party tops the list of things I’d like to do.

Beer Mile #2

This one was a disaster. The participants were me, Slade, Wacker, Drew, and Skyler and there were a bunch of spectators. This time I opted for Coors Banquet. I finished the first beer in 12 seconds and right from then I knew I was in trouble. I almost puked for the entire first lap and ran it in close to 90 seconds. On beer number two I was toast. I knew I was going to puke and before I could even pull the trigger I puked up a mouthful of foam. Unfortunately it didn’t make drinking that much easier. At this point I knew I wasn’t going to run fast due to the penalty lap so I just had to focus on winning. Skyler was right behind me so I had someone there to push me and Slade hadn’t puked so he was also in contention. Beer three was more of the same, I involuntarily puked out another mouthful of foam and took a while to finish it. I managed to keep down beer number four and was off for my final 800 about 8:30 in. Slade had 100 meters left of his third lap so if he crushed his final beer I was in trouble. 400 in I saw he was still drinking so I had the win in the bag but it was still a disaster. I finished in 11:15 and was just miserable along with everyone else. Slade crushed his last lap to catch Skyler and with 200 to go they were neck and neck. Skyler can run a 23.5 in the 200 so it was thought that he would have the kick but Slade defied the odds and dusted him in the last 100 to finish second in 12:45. Wacker dropped out after beer #2 and Drew finished in just under 16 minutes. No one had fun.

Here are a few vines that show what happened. Thank you Emlamb and Krista;

The beginning
One lap down
 Uh oh
Untitled 1
Untitled 2

The night continued and was pretty successful. Drew and I did a 90’s power hour with each other that neither of us predicted would go well. After 20 minutes we were saying that we most be close to finished. After about 50 minutes Drew brought in the trashcan as he was convinced that the next shot was going to make him puke every time. He didn’t puke and we finished up cleanly.

Unfortunately I did the power hour with Keystone Ice which is 5.9% and 7.5 keystone ices in an hour blacked me out pretty damn good. The one thing I do remember is too ridiculous to post on this website but if you told me at the beginning of the night that it was going to happen I would have said you were crazy. I could have told you that I went to Wawa but I couldn’t tell you the details of the trip at all.

I woke up in bed with a killer hangover. I was in and out of sleeping from 7-9 and miserable. Around 9:30 Slade came over. We each did two shots of Tortilla Gold and made our way to breakfast. I came back alone and did two more shots by myself to prepare for my team sports final at 1:00. It was essentially an hour long gym class but the slight buzz made it much more bearable. It’s three in the afternoon and I’m casually sipping some beer. Ben is coming up tonight through graduation so that will be great to see him. I’m also likely to hang out with Mark tonight so that will also be fun.

There’s two days left and I plan on YOLOing pretty hard.

Beer Mile #1

Today I ran the first of likely a few beer miles. We were scheduled to go off around 4:45 but we went off around 5:00 due to scheduling difficulties. Slade and I were the only participants unfortunately but we had ~10 spectators which was good enough. I was drinking Yuengling Bock Beer out of bottles which is pretty dark but I don’t think it made a difference. I’ll give a race recap right now.

Beer one took roughly 20 seconds to finish. and I cruised through the first lap in about 70 seconds which was a little bit too fast. I was out of breath going into beer number two but I managed to get it down in around 30-40 seconds which was good. I slowed down the second lap to make sure I was ready for beer number three. Lap two was a 78 and beer number three was a bit tougher but again I managed to push through without too much trouble. It took about a minute which wasn’t great but not too bad either. I cruised again on the third lap for a 76 and got started on my third beer.

I was at about 6:00 with a beer and a lap to go. I knew I had to finish the beer quick if I wanted to crack into the sevens. I finished the beer and heard 7:00-7:01 going into the last lap. I was absolutely flying the last lap and managed to close in a 58-59 for a 7:58 overall. I crossed the line and let out an involuntary groan because I was about to puke. I walked around for about 30 seconds and then puked out a good bit of the beer I finished but the damage was done, I had finished in under eight minutes.

I think today’s performance was very good but it can be improved upon. I’m attempting beer mile #2 tomorrow and perhaps I’ll do a few more later in the week as well. I’m interested to see how tomorrow goes. I figure I won’t be too upset if I go ~9 something but I think a mid sevens is possible. I didn’t get pictures or video this time but that’s because only Slade and I did it. Tomorrow there will be roughly 6 people doing it so I will definitely have pictures and possibly videos to upload.

Post Conferences

Conferences wrapped up yesterday in pretty impression fashion. A group of us got together to hand out the medals on the infield so we had great seats for every race. Almost all of the big races lived up to the hype and it was just a great day for a track meet. The men got third which was pretty impressive. Afterward we had our post season cook-out and the seniors gave speeches and had some emotional goodbyes. I didn’t really get emotional at all until the end when I spoke with Vince one on one for a bit.

The team dispersed and I made my way to the suite to begin drinking. I had a few shots, drank a few beers, and then headed to silver coin at the Trappe with some track ladies. I didn’t really want to go that badly but nothing was happening yet in the suite and it was my last opportunity to go. I had a few mixed drinks which was out of character and socialized decently well. However, I was itching to get back to the suite.

I took an early ride home and the suite was decently going. People were having a good time and I was drunker than I thought I was. I don’t remember much from the suite but I  do remember semi-jokingly hitting on Emlamb’s friend from home. My best attempt was informing her that she looked like Draco Malfoy from Harry Potter. I swore it was going to work but  naturally it didn’t. The night progressed and I somewhat sobered up. Around 2:30 in the morning Drew texted me to go to the diner and I just so happened to see him outside of BWC. We went in and caused trouble for half an hour or so. The highlight was creeping on this one freshman girl who I semi-jokingly have a crush on. She was sick and sober so I can’t imagine we made a good impression. Afterward Drew and I made a point to go to the diner and get some Eggs Benny because he had never had it before. We arrived at the diner only to find that it was closed. Wawa would have to do. I was still pleased. The highlight of this trip was asking Drew who was going to make our sandwiches, “the fat one or that dude in the ponytail?” The dude in the ponytail was a female. Drew lost it.

We arrived back at the suite and the night concluded. I had a final this morning at 9am which I was moderately prepared for. I crushed it in half an hour, first one done, seeyuhlater. A comical answer was “Name a famous bebop tune: Stairway to Heaven”. I have a final tomorrow as well but once again I’m going to crush it and be the first one done.

A beer mile is taking place today in only a few hours so that should be good. I’ve been training more seriously this year than ever. I’ve been chugging the majority of the liquids that I drink and I’m in good mile shape right now. Optimistically I’ll get into the sevens. I don’t see why I wouldn’t. I’ll have a post to give highlights on that hopefully with some video and pictures.

Last Collegiate Meet

Running Post

So today was my last collegiate track meet ever. I was scheduled to run the steeple chase and the 4×800. I woke up at 8:15 and headed to the track. I did a couple of laps, ate my pre-race meal, and then prepared to relax until I warmed up. Around 11:30 Amos and I took off for our warm-up. All week we had been practicing hurdling the barriers instead of stepping on them and ideally this was going to make a big difference. Amos and I were both in the slow heat seeded 7th and 4th respectively. My game plan was to get out fast and avoid traffic over the barriers. My first two barriers were terrible. I landed with the same foot I jumped off with and barely cleared them but I was running in the front and felt good. After a few laps I settled in and was hitting the barriers good enough. At some point one kid took off and gapped the field by about 10-20 meters. The gap opened up quickly but after the move was made I maintained the distance. With about two laps left I started to close the gap. This meet has been particularly cool because there’s a pro announcer in the booth and he was saying things like “And Stortz is closing the gap!” which made it extra cool. Anyway, with 400 left I was right behind the kid. People were going about as bonkers for me in a race as they ever have. With 300 left we hit the barrier and I went passed, the kid had no response. The next 200 meters were essentially a glory 200 meters. As long as I didn’t fall I had it in the bag. I won the heat in a time of 10:13.1 which is just off my PR but I was pretty happy with it. I ended up getting 9th overall (one place away from scoring) which was a bummer but my highest conference place ever so I was pretty freakin’ happy with it. The cheering from everyone definitely made it easier and a thank you to Tom and parents for making the trip. The 4×8 was a mess and I got the baton 10-15 seconds behind the second to last team. I ran comfortably hard for like a 2:12 or something. Also, major props to Drew who ran a 1:57 in the open 8 for a huge pr and to Vince who split a 2:01 in the 4×8 after going out in 56 (he runs the 1500 tomorrow and it likely should be good). Also, the 400 guys did very well.

My running career is moving on to a new chapter. I’m going to take a few months completely off in hopes that my back heals up to normal. If I can’t run more than 50 miles a week ever than competitively running post-collegiately will not go well. I’d just like to be able to run as much as I want and seriously prepare for a marathon. I don’t really care what I run in the actual thing but I want to have a legit shot to run as fast as I can. Being limited by an injury is way shittier than being limited by my willingness to train hard.

It hasn’t really hit me yet though that I’m actually done running in college. This team atmosphere and meet schedule is something that I will pretty much never experience again. Things definitely didn’t finish out the way I thought they would had you asked me a few years ago but given everything that’s happened I’ll gladly take these last two meets as the period to my college running. Tomorrow is the final day of conferences and I’ll get to be a spectator for some great races. I couldn’t be more excited.

The Younger Generation


This study makes the claim that kids today are more materialistic and less likely to work hard than those kids of the past. Now, I’d like to post a quote by the famous Socrates and it goes as follows;

“Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.”

It seems as though this fallacy has been around since the dawn of human beings. Every generation claims that the following generation does’t work as hard and that they’re all spoiled brats. I don’t know why this happens but I can absolutely see baby boomers saying it about us and I can absolutely see their parents saying it about them. The ideas of hard work, work ethic, and earning instead of being given haunt us younger generations because every older generation apparently has been given a little less than each generation that has come after them.

The funny thing is that I can imagine when I grow up and have a kid, even if he/she lived in EXACTLY the same world I’m living in today, I would absolutely say my child and all the others his/her age have been given so much.

I would guess that it has to do with what point in your life that you are. When you’re in your teens and 20’s you’re more or less in the prime of your life in terms of having ‘fun’. If you’re telling me that the baby boomers didn’t get just as fucked up in college as ‘we’ do then you’re just delusional. Sure, maybe our parents grounded us instead of smacked the shit out of us but gimme’ a break. That’s not causing this extreme laziness and materialism that’s being claimed.

As people we naturally want what is there. If ipods and high speed internet existed in the 60’s everyone would have been using them in the same way that we are now. We can’t be faulted because we have access to more material goods that provide extreme convenience in many aspects of life. You’d be a fool to turn them down.

It goes the same way with the previous generation and their parents. “Not everyone had those fancy cars, we’d walk miles just to get to work and back”. Well yeah, because you couldn’t afford a car the same way that not everyone today can afford a private jet. I can see me lecturing my 16 year old son already; “Back in my day we had to drive 45 minutes each way to work, we didn’t have those fancy jets to get us everywhere in the blink of an eye”. The world evolves and the people who evolve with it are the ones that are going to succeed.

When you’re in your 50’s and you see these young kids being ‘obnoxious’ and playing video games or whatever you’ll be pissed off because you’re jealous. I know I will be. You once had what they had but you’re a grown ass man now with responsibilities and the idea of going out, drinking a lot, chasing girls, and dickin’ around with your friends just isn’t going to happen for most anymore.

I’m sure an older person reading this post would want to slap me upside the head and maybe when I read this in 30 years I’ll feel the same way but this accusation against younger generations has existed forever. If you think your kids are lazy do something about it or let reality set in when they can’t find a job. But that doesn’t happen for the most part because unemployment over the last hundred years has been pretty consistently up and down. Somehow these lazy younger generations keep managing to find work. Baffling isn’t it?

Sleeping Solved


Most of my blog readers probably know that I have a lot of trouble falling asleep at night. I would estimate my average time to fall asleep from when I lay down is roughly 30-45 minutes and it’s not totally unusual for it to be an hour plus. This has always annoyed me but there wasn’t really much I could do about it. I don’t like the idea of taking a sleeping pills or ZzzQuil or anything like that either. I want to be able to naturally fall asleep and not force it.  I’ve learned to accept it. I generally don’t get too anxious about it anymore because I know eventually I’ll fall asleep and that looking at the clock every 10 minutes will only drive myself crazy. This generally where I get my deep thinking done.

But thanks to Slade I’ve had a very pleasant sleep experience the past two nights. As he was leaving a few nights ago and I was getting ready for bed the topic of how long it takes to fall asleep came up. He claimed he almost never goes longer than 10 minutes before falling asleep. I was astonished. What’s his secret. He said nothing too special but sometimes if he really wants to fall asleep he’ll count down from 200 and he “rarely gets to 170” before he’s asleep. How is this possible. I’ve tried counting sheep before, like I would imagine them jumping across from one side to the other and count them, and found that to be more stressful than anything. I figured I would give it a try, what did I have to lose.

*Let it be noted you’re not counting down quickly. I’d say there’s at least 3-4 seconds between each number.

Two nights ago I tried it. I counted all the way down from 200 to zero and while I wasn’t asleep, it was a pleasant experience. It took ~10-15 minutes. My breathing was extremely calm and I just felt very relaxed. I waited another few minutes and then gave it another shot. By the 140’s I started to doze off. Looking back now I realize I was in and out of sleeping. I remember thinking I had to keep going though, I couldn’t stop because I was going to let someone down. Then I would snap out of it and realize I was only doing it for myself, but anytime I let 10 seconds or so go between numbers I would kind of snap up and keep going. By the 90’s I was KO’d for the night. Maybe we’re onto something.

I tried it again last night and it was an even bigger success. I didn’t even make it through the first 200 before falling asleep. I started dozing at 60ish and by 30 I was done. Not only that but I slept incredibly through until 8 this morning when I woke up to piss.

Now the question becomes, will it keep getting easier and easier to fall asleep if I keep doing it? Will I ever hit a point where I don’t have to count in order to fall asleep? Will I just be able to lay there and get tired by association? I sure hope so but as of right now I’m happy with the progress that has been made.

Checking Out

I’m going to talk about an extremely obvious situation that everyone has already acknowledged one hundred times. I’m a senior with less than a week left of work. Over my four years here at Ursinus I’m accumulated a GPA somewhere in the area of a 3.3-3.4. Mind you, that is with one F (photography) and a 3.0 average for my freshman year (thank you calculus). So in the past two years I’ve done pretty well for myself all things considered. My capstone is already completed so this semester I’m taking two music classes, an intro to psych class, and one easy business course.

It’s finals time and things are wrapping up. I’ve already received confirmation for a future job and there’s essentially no way I can’t graduate at this point (at least from an academic stand point). Can a teacher really blame a student for not trying at this point? I’ve put in my work, I’ve done my time, from a logical stand point a teacher can’t argue that kids in my situation should not be checked out.

I took my psychology final today and a psychology test last Friday. For both tests I was the first one done out of ~80 people and each time I handed the test in (with two different teachers) I received the same puzzled look. It’s the look that says “Well this kid’s a tard, there’s no way he should finish that fast, but there’s nothing I can really do about it, so I’ll just give him a look”. I mean, as a teacher I can understand getting a little upset or feeling disrespected if a student is making a joke of your class. But I’ve showed up every day, taken notes, and did decently well for the first three quarters of the semester. I’m well aware I didn’t prepare adequately, didn’t perform up to a super high standard, and went through the tests as quickly as possible.

Conversely, I guess it wouldn’t take much time to prepare or give an honest effort considering I have absolutely nothing to do these days. But really, thousands of people have been in my situation and acted the exact same way so how can anyone give me that much shit.

A Blog Review

I discovered another blog thanks to Jeff Centafont called Raptitude. It’s written by a young guy named David Cain who appears to be a very smart and motivated individual. Jeff already summarized it a little bit in his own blog post but I wanted to acknowledge some other aspects if it. First, here is the post I read from that blog (also thanks to Jeff) call 3 Pieces of Advice I’d Give My 18 Year-Old Self If I Could. In all honesty I thought this was an article published in a newspaper or magazine or something. It wasn’t until the end that I realized I was reading a blog entry. The writing was high quality, the organization was clear, and the effort put into the post was apparent.

But I’m not too concerned about the article itself. I just want to talk about the overall blog. First, here are his five major themes.

  • Learning what humans are not so good at, and getting better at those things
  • Moving away from conformity and convention and other human limitations
  • Appreciating humanity in spite of its faults
  • Cultivating self-reliance and a healthy mistrust of the status quo
  • Examining what makes humans tick on the micro and macro levels

The thing is really incredible. The quality and complexity of his website are light years ahead of mine. His writing is better, his thoughts are more organized, his direction is clear, and his effort far surpasses mine. I would imagine that one of his posts is equal to roughly 5-10 of mine. I guess I also shouldn’t be surprised that every post is accompanied by a picture. This is what it takes to have a high quality blog that draws in a lot of traffic. This guy regularly has 20-30+ people commenting on his posts and makes a point to reply to everyone.

One thing that really struck me was The ListEssentially it’s just a list of things he wants to do before he dies but the list is pretty incredible. There are 135 total goals and he has completed 30 of them. Some of the things are kind of trivial like get a massage from a professional or learn to drive a stick but there are many others like hiking the Himalayas or touring Tokyo. Hypothetically, if this guy actually accomplishes all the things on his list, he will have lived a pretty incredible life which I suppose is the point of having the list to begin with.

Finally, a thing that sticks out is the nature of this person in general. He is constantly trying to better himself as a human being and improve his way of life. You can’t do these things by sticking to the norms and being boring. In particular I read two of his experiments which were being a vegan for 30 days and not openly complaining for 21 days straight. He goes through all of these experiences and he learns from them. Without knowing him personally and only having his blog to judge him, he’s an extremely positive person who you would want to have in your life in one way or another.

This is one blog that I actually might consistently visit despite the fact that I don’t even know who this guy is.

Heater Cont.

Running Paragraph
My heater continued. I went to the meet in the fast heat of the 1500 with Vince and Drew excited to give my PR a run for its money. If you had asked me before the race whether or not I thought I would PR and there was money on the line, I’d probably have bet no but there’s no problem in hoping. The race went out hella-fast. I was in second to last after 400 going through in 66 with Drew and Vince four seconds ahead. After the 400 I felt decent and began passing people. This was deceiving though because everyone else just slowed down a ton and I wasn’t going as fast as I thought. With 400 left I caught both Vince and Drew and went in front of them. Drew stuck with me and repassed me with 300 to go. I stayed on his shoulder and waited till the last hundred. At this point it wasn’t really about time but racing instead. With 100 to go I kicked as hard as I could and Drew responded, I couldn’t gain any ground on him and he held me off to the finish line. His time was 4:15.09 and I was 4:15.57. My PR was 4:17.58 going in so it was a full two second PR. That was my first PR is two years. I honestly didn’t think I would PR at all this season but everything went pretty well that race and finally I set a new PR. It felt awesome afterwards knowing that I finally felt good and ran a good race. 4:15 isn’t an incredible time but I’ll certainly take it after the past year and a half. After that Wacker gave me a run for my money in the 800 but I smoked him in the last 100 to end my last race against Wacker in normal fashion.

Last night was fun as usual. I had some Yuengling and Tortilla Gold to drink and managed to get more or less blacked out. I don’t really remember too much of what happened but I know that at some point Slade and I went to the diner for Eggs Benedict and we were socializing with the owner guy who loves us now. When we got back Wacker was beyond gone. There was an effort to get him into his bed but it was useless. He smashed his head on a table in our room and was KO’d for the night. Last night also served as the return of Shiloh who was gone all semester in Australia. I wasn’t really that excited or happy to see him but that was more a timing thing rather than him being annoying.

I woke up today not that hungover. Amos, Schroedes, and I ran 8 miles on a perfect day for running. I was hurting by the end by it was a good run nonetheless. It’s currently 3:30 in the afternoon and I’m sipping on some Yuengling Bock Beer which I bought for no particular reason. I also bought six liters of Tortilla Gold (they only had seven and I needed change) which should serve well from here until graduation. It’s been starting to hit me a little more that I only have two weeks left but I can’t stop time and I’m having a great time so that’s what’s important. Ideally this heater will carry over until post graduation.