Marriage as a 5 Year Contract

No commitment in our society is life-long except marriage (I did not fact check this). We lease cars, rent apartments, even pets only last a decade or so.

But not marriage. Marriage is a forever-commitment, and we’re starting to realize now how unrealistic this is. The solution?

Marriage should be written as a recurring 5 year contract.

When you ‘get married’, the marriage is valid for 5 years. At the end of 5 years, both parties either mutually agree to renew the contract or the marriage ends.

This is good for a few reasons:

  • It gives bad marriages an easy-out without having to be proactive. Most bad marriages last so long because neither party wants actually make the decision to get divorced.
  • It encourages couples to be open with each other as their contract comes up. If one thinks things are iffy and is worried the other won’t want to renew, it will make them actually confront their problems to either improve the relationship, or end it.
  • It makes each person want to be a better partner. Ending the contract is way easier than divorce. In the non-contract era, people can get fat, lose their job, not do special things for their significant other, etc. NOT ANYMORE! You’ll stay in shape, buy flowers, plan dinners, whatever it is to keep them happy if it’s a contract you want to renew.
  • It gives you an excuse to throw a sweet party every time you renew the contract. Weddings are the best social event, 100%. Why only have one per couple?!

“This is an awesome idea. Almost as good as becoming a pickle!”

But it does have some potential problems…

  • What do you do with kids? Split them in half. I don’t know. But staying in a marriage just for the kids isn’t a good reason to stay together.
  • How do you manage financials? Another detail I haven’t worked out, but I’m not worried about this one. This, again, shouldn’t be the reason a couple stays together.
  • This is, quite frankly, extremely unromantic. I get that saying “’til death do us part” sounds way better than “til five years from now when we re-evaluate our relationship“. Romance is overrated?

I can’t wait to propose to my future wife with no diamond ring and tell her I only want a 5 year commitment. She’ll probably want to skip right to the part where we don’t renew the contract.

280 Characters – Not a big deal

I wrote this post a year ago about conciseness being is a valuable skill in the real world (a top 10% post of mine in my opinion).

Twitter doubled its character-limit for tweets to 280 and people are going nuts. You’d think, given my stance on conciseness, I’d be up in arms about this too. But I’m not.

Twitter is great because it plays on the short attention span.

Newsflash: 280 characters is still pretty fucking short. 

“Waahhhhh 280 is too much!!”

Overall, this change will only improve the Twitter experience in my opinion. It’s not a matter of “You need to edit better!“. You’re just going to see higher quality content in a still-quickly-digestible format.

And don’t forget, the unfollow option is always there.

It will be annoying for the next week as people try to think of clever ways to clog up your feed (sorry Sixers, this one was bad), but it will be a net positive.

— Philadelphia 76ers (@sixers) November 8, 2017

Three Thoughts on Professional Sporting Events

Dancers / Cheerleaders

This may be the weirdest tradition that still remains in sports (aside from everything in baseball).

“Not sure if I should be horny or…?”

The Sixers Dancers came out last night and did a dance routine. They were all really attractive, dressed in revealing clothing, and did a very sexual dance routine. Ben and I both acknowledged how weird & awkward it is when this happens.

A large percent of people at sporting events are either 50+ or parents with their young kids. Dancers / cheerleaders seem like an idea that was made up in the 60s so old dudes could have some eye candy and its just stuck around because no one stops to wonder why the hell it’s still happening.

I’m not trying to take jobs away from women I swear, but what is the point of having half-naked women dance around while guys play sports? It’s just kind’ve weird.

Booing a player on your team

Last night, Amir Johnson checked in and the crowd booed loudly.

“He averaged 6 points a game last year, WTF did you expect?”

Booing Johnson felt classless. I was embarrassed. He hasn’t played well this season, but he’s only been here a few months, he hasn’t said anything controversial in the media, and probably most importantly, he tries.

Booing players on your own team is a weak move unless they’re not playing hard, or they overtly call out their teammates, coaches, or fans.

Chanting “Refs You Suck!

“Ya you suck too fans!”

I’m a firm believer that fans (especially those at the game) disagree with the refs overwhelmingly when the call goes against their team. This chant happened two or three times last night.

Blaming the refs is a no douglas move. It’s an excuse. There are questionable calls in EVERY game, it’s a part of sports, but insta-chanting “Refs you suck!” as a reaction to an iffy call is again, a classless move and feels embarrassing.

Trading Robert Covington

Rob and I were talking Fantasy Football trades, and I posed the question – “What would I trade Robert Covington for?” or, in simpler terms, “How much cash would I take to give up my cat”

There are two scenarios here.

Scenario 1 – I trade Covy and he is cared for until he dies

“$10,000?! You almost won twice that at the casino!”

It would be tough to part with Covy, but knowing he’s in good hands obviously provides peace of mind and I could always get another cat.

Trading him for money is shallow and it would be a story I’d never be proud to share, but logically speaking, there’s not that much to lose.

My Answer: $10,000

It sounds pathetic, but if the cash were in front of me, it’d be hard not to part with Cov under these circumstances.

Scenario 2 – I trade Covy and he’s executed on the spot

No one would admit to any amount here. “I just couldn’t do it” they’d say. But I’m an honest person, and those people are full of shit.

Watching Covy get executed would be a life altering event. Knowing that I was responsible for his death, and the vision of his murder would last with me for years.

“Don’t ever talk to me again.”

My immediate way of rationalizing it would be donating a significant amount of the money to helping cats. Yes, I may lose Covy, but I could save thousands of cats. That’s what Covy would want.

$1,000,000, for example, is a lot, but it’s not never-work-again-and-do-whatever-you-want status, and that’s the price I’d need to hit here (along with helping other cats).

My Answer: $50,000,000

The net positive impact I’d make on the world by having $50,000,000 would be far greater than my current life projection.

And despite people saying “money can’t buy happiness”, I think I personally would be happier.

Am I a bad person?

WTF is the “Service Fee”

I just bought tickets to see The Revivalists at the Fillmore in November. I Googled it and found LiveNation selling tickets to the show for $32.50! Awesome, I’ll snag me two tickets and be on my way.

I click Get Tickets, and am greeted with a $90 check out!

But wait, $32.50 x 2 is only $65, what the hell happened? Then I see below:

Each ticket has $12.50 tacked on as a Service Fee.

Can someone explain what the FUCK a service fee is and how it’s worth 38% of the ticket?!

Look, I get it, I’m paying for the convenience of just entering some info online and getting the tickets.

But $12.50?! This isn’t Taylor Swift of Paul McCartney here, it’s the freakin’ Revivalists.

How’d they pick $12.50? They could’ve said $20 and I’d still probably buy it, but what the actual fuck is the extra $12.50 going towards?

Get in line sheeple, bow down, do what you’re told, nothing to see here, move along, blissfully await your slaughter in the slaughter house, no questions asked.

Thoughts on the National Anthem Protests

My thoughts on protesting the National Anthem in general

People interpret the National Anthem differently.

Personally, I have no problem with the players who choose to kneel. More importantly, I think its inappropriate to suggest that you HAVE to stand or HAVE to kneel.

HOWEVER, I don’t see the goal its trying to accomplish. I understand and support the ideas they’re against (police brutality, racial injustice, etc.), but I don’t understand how kneeling during the anthem comes any closer to solving them.

Some say it might “start the conversation“, but the main conversation it’s started is strictly about what the Anthem means and whether or not it’s okay to kneel. There’s very little centered on what they’re kneeling for (from what I can see).

At what point will they stop kneeling? Is there a some measure of okayness when these players will deem the anthem a stand-able occasion again?

Everyone says that Colin Kaepernick has done a ton outside of kneeling – I commend him for that and would guess that’s been infinitely more valuable towards solving these issues and helping people than his kneeling.

My thoughts about Colin Kaepernick specifically

I support Colin Kaepernick’s right to protest how he sees fit and as I said, I applaud his off the field endeavors.

But Colin Kaepernick doesn’t have a job, and I don’t think it has anything to do with him being black.

Kaepernick had a job. He opted OUT of a contract with the 49ers so he could test free agency.

As an NFL team, signing Kaepernick is a decision of pros and cons.

The Cons 

  • The media will be covering Kaepernick and the team that signs him like crazy, likely becoming a significant ‘distraction‘.
  • You may also lose business, whether right or wrong, by bringing him to your team based on the % of your fan-base that strongly disagrees with the protests.
  • Colin Kaepernick just isn’t that good. He’s a high-level backup / potential low-level starting quarterback who fits a specific offensive system that most teams aren’t running.

The Pros

  • There’s another segment of new fans that you’d likely draw in by signing him. You’d be seen as the
  • You add a player who has major NFL experience in a quarterback-starved league.

I don’t believe the Kaepernick issue to be one of race. If he were as good as Aaron Rodgers, Russell Wilson, etc. he’d have 100% a job.

Is it right? Is it fair? Not really, but that’s a different discussion.

My thoughts on Trump’s comments

I like Trump solely for entertainment purposes, but haven’t really been a fan of him as a President.

Specific to his comments on athletes and NFL protests, I disagree with him completely, though I sort of understand that he’s playing to his standard group of his supporters.

As the president of an extremely divided country at the moment, his comments only serve to further the divide. There’s no attempt by him (at least publicly) to understand WHY people are protesting or to use the opportunity to bring the country closer together.

Withdrawing Steph Curry’s invitation was so immature and petty that I almost didn’t believe it (though I did lol when I read it).

Every president is different, and Trump’s way clearly got him elected, but I think he’s doing enough over time to piss off almost everyone one way or another.

I look forward to what Joel Embiid will say to Trump when the Sixers win the Championship this year.

Thoughts / comments on 3 weeks being “vegetarian”

I’ve been “vegetarian” for three weeks.

How “vegetarian” have I actually been?

I had a cheesesteak and chicken fingers on Friday when I was hammered.

I haven’t been perfect, but I’d guess I’ve decreased meat consumption by probably 80-90%.

I’ve also been more lenient on eating fish than mammals, though doing my best (for now) to stop both.

Everyone asks WHY?!

Everyone assumes its for health reasons, which it’s not.

I don’t have a great answer for why other than A) I think the meat industry is very unnatural and B) to see what it’s like / if I can do it.

Eating at home has been easier than expected

My go-to-dish is pasta with Alfredo sauce, mushrooms, onions, and garlic.

Fruit consumption is up and I get my protein mostly from yogurt and peanut butter.

Eating out has been the hardest part

I thought this would be easy since most places offer some vegetarian options. There are always a couple, but the choices are limited.

I’m fine getting a flatbread pizza instead of a burger every now and then, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel like I was “settling” every time I order.

How long do I plan on doing this?

Not forever, it’s more sacrifice than I’m willing to make to cut out meat entirely.

But everyone can make a measurable impact without going full vegetarian.

My thought is that I can maintain reduced meat consumption of 50 – 75% compared to my previous-self pretty easily, mostly by not eating meat at home.

I want to be able to order a burger, bacon with my eggs, scallops down the shore, etc. without worry every once in a while.

I’m not preaching to anyone, these are just my thoughts after trying for a bit!

I saw “It” and it sucked

Tom, Laura, and I saw It last night. We watched the whole thing without saying a word and as we walked out, we all agreed it was bad.

Here are my thoughts:

  • The horror itself was repetitive / predictable after the first few scares. It was like a 15 year olds nightmare.
  • Was Pennywise a physical presence only to the kids?
  • I understand him being less powerful as the kids were less afraid of him, but couldn’t he just disappear or something before ‘dying’?
  • The Jewish kid and the black kid were so under-developed as characters compared to the other five.
  • How come the fat kid’s kiss ‘saved‘ Beverly even though she liked Bill?
  • Pennywise bit the shit out of George but didn’t do anything to Beverly, just made her float, WTF was that about?
  • The humor from the Stranger Things kid was too forced / over the top, not very funny.
  • The CGI was over the top. Too many things were too obviously CGI’d.
  • Did the cop’s son kill him because he was possessed by Pennywise? I think yes?
  • If Pennywise can just possess kids, why did he only do that with the cop’s son and not all of them?

There’s probably more but that’s my stream-of-consciousness about why the movie sucked. I don’t recommend spending the $12 to go see it.

The Black Tux Knows What It’s Doing

We used The Black Tux to rent suits for Mike’s wedding and this is a company that knows exactly what it’s doing. This was honestly as easy as it gets.

First, it asks your measurements.

Now, the only measurements any normal guy knows off the top of their head is their waste size, and their penis length, girth, circumference, and average time-of-use.

They give you step-by-step instructions with picture diagrams for each measurement that’s needed. Entering the measurements took 5 minutes.

Then, they send you the suit.

It comes in the mail in a perfectly-put-together package ~2 weeks prior to your event. You try everything on to make sure it fits (mine did), but if it doesn’t, you just let them know and they send you another suit with adjusted measurements, and you don’t even have to send the one you have back (yet).

Next, you look fly as shit at your event.

Self explanatory.

Last, you send the suit back.

Black Tux Job Interview

You get a wonderfully optimized email the day after your event with instructions on how to return. The return label AND tape to reseal the package it came in are included in the initial package. I drove that shit to the Fedex place, dropped it off, and that was it. Done.

This is a company that prioritizes ease of use and they do a hell of a job. Highly recommended.

Incognito Birthday

Growing up as a kid, my birthday always fell at the start of the school year which was an unhappy time.

As I got older, I never threw parties, but would usually “celebrate” in some way.

This year, I went totally undercover. I didn’t really realize it was my birthday until Monday and by that point I didn’t care. I didn’t want to do anything.

So yesterday, I did my best to keep things under wraps. Texts and calls from family and close friends came in but that was basically it, as I’d hoped.

I even kept it from my co-workers until CK4 blew my cover around 3:15. They questioned why I was being “weird” about it. What am I supposed to do? March in and demand gifts from everyone? Telling people its your birthday is a bad look.

After work I went on a run, played some COD, then Wacker stopped over and me, him, and Rob just bro’d out for a few hours.

Happiness = Reality – Expectations

I expected nothing different on my birthday and it was everything I thought it would be. Give it a try!

Here’s to 26.