Coming Soon: The First Ever Bansheemann7 Interview

Schlegel’s Bagel’s recently posted an interview with recent UC grad and UCXC member, Jamie Hartop.

If you know Jamie, you’ll enjoy reading his responses to Luke’s questions.

I can’t believe I’ve had a blog for 10 years and never once thought to do a god damn interview. I’m stealing this idea, Luke, so thank you.

Who could it be?!

My first guest has verbally committed, but I’ll keep them anonymous until it’s ready to post.

My questions will be a little different than Luke’s, as I’ve been listening to a lot of Pardon My Take the last few months which has really influenced the way I ask questions.

Stay tuned!

The New Weekend Routine

Saturday was rough. I felt shitty all day from the night before and around 5:30 PM I had a decision – go out or stay in?

Staying in was going to make me happier, so that’s what I did. No alcohol.

I was in bed by 11:30 and that was that.


I slept for 10 hours and cranked out a great long run.

But the biggest difference came at bed time.


The Sunday Scaries are real.

No point in time is worse than Sunday night. But that’s only true when you’re hungover!

I slept great last night and this morning I have ENERGY. I popped out of bed right when my alarm went off.

It’s only taken me 26 years, but I think the go-out-on-Friday-stay-in-on-Saturday routine might be the ultimate move.

One Year With Covy

Today marks the one year anniversary of me and Covy joining forces.

Day 1

Here are some things I’ve noticed:

  • He’s a total Beta. This didn’t become totally apparent until Melon was added to the mix. Now I witness Covy get his ass beat every night by a blind cat that’s half his size.
  • The biggest Alpha thing he does is not cover his shits. They smell awful and he doesn’t give a single fuck about it. He scratches the ground next to the litter box for a minute then walks away.
  • He knocks over all open water containers. He actually broke Rob’s computer by doing this which was hilarious.
  • He likes belly rubs more than any cat I’ve ever known. His mouth opens and his eyes cross slightly.
  • He doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. Nothing he’s ever done has had malicious intent. A lover, not a fighter.

Rob thinks it’s funny to imagine me at like 35 with a family and kids and Covy still being around.

But actually. Linking up with Covy is one of the best decisions I’ve made (other than LASIK, LASIK was better).

I recommend cats (over dogs) to anyone capable.

Go Birds

I’ll try to keep this short, but want to post since I haven’t in a week.

It’s Wednesday night and I’m still hungover from Sunday.

That was the greatest game of my life, all sports, all everything.

The Philly Special was the single greatest play I’ve ever seen all things considered.

Nick Foles is the greatest QB in franchise history?

The Eagles winning the Super Bowl was the second happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life.

The city and the people are as happy as I’ve ever seen them.

Success breeds success. Now that this cloud is sort of lifted from the sports in this city, I think we’ll see a string of success from our teams, beginning with the Sixers this year.

I’ll be attending the parade tomorrow. To those who can’t get off, I’m sorry. To those who can, I probably won’t see you among the sea of 3 million other people.

25 Goals for 2018

Fewer AND more accomplishable goals this year. Help or active participation in any of these are encouraged.

  • Watch a Sixers playoff game in person – Obviously they need to make the playoffs first.
  • Learn how to proficiently play the Stairway to Heaven solo on guitar – I think I can do this.
  • Get a physical from my doctor – I learned this was free through my insurance legggo!!!
  • Keep both of my cats alive – So far so good.
  • Go skydiving – And live.
  • Fast for a 24 hour period – How hard can it be?
  • Go to ANY event at the Kimmel Center – Don’t care what it is, just feel like I should go to one.
  • Have a conversation with a famous person – At least one minute and has to have a Wikipedia page.
  • Host a party at my residence – Don’t worry Rob, only 50/50 you’re part of this.
  • Watch the Godfather AND Godfather II – Now that Netflix is getting them, this should be cake.
  • Profit $10,000 in Crypto – May have left off a zero there.
  • Prepare the turkey for Thanksgiving – Move over mom.
  • Go on two trips to visit friends who live in other cities, repeats allowed – Denver’s looking good Mark!
  • Go on two trips with friends to visit a city we’ve never been to – Never stop traveling.
  • Buy presents for my whole family on Christmas, not just who I have for Pollyanna – Of course not as much thought will go into those, but still nice.
  • Break 4:30 in the mile – Only cucks have PRs closer to 5:00 than 4:00. 4:30.9 is cuck status.
  • Break 55:00 at Broad Street – First year running it and need to pick a number!
  • PR in the 5,000 (15:27) – It’s going to happen one of these years
  • Run over 2000 miles – 38.5 miles a week.
  • Complete 100 beers and 100 miles in a week – Will live tweet / blog it.
  • Attempt 13 miles and 13 beers in under 2:00 – Haven’t forgotten about this.
  • Bowl a 300 – I’d say 25% this happens.
  • Write 10 hand-written letters and mail them – Upping to 10 after the benefits I saw.
  • Volunteer my time at least once – If I don’t do this, I will donate $1,000 to charity.
  • Write 200 blog posts – Keep lowering the bar until you get there.

2017 Goals – How’d I do?

13/30 on the year.

    • PR in the mile AND 5k – Never got a good shot at the 5k but yes to the mile! That will be a 2018 goal.
    • Visit three major-ish US cities that I’ve never been to – Not even close.
    • Go to a country I’ve never been to – Whoopsies!
    • Move out of my parents house – Take that mom and dad!
    • Get a cat once I move out – The only goal I completed twice!
    • Bowl a 300 (before Tom) – Both of us suck.
    • Attend a play – No but I seriously considered it.
    • Write 6 hand-written letters and mail them – More people should do this.
    • Write a 5 year letter to myself – Stupid goal.
    • Go to a dentist – No, but I’ve been flossing!
    • Formally volunteer my time at least once – Genuinely embarrassed that I didn’t do this or put any effort into coordinating.
    • Invest 25% of my money – Did 100% in Bitcoin.
    • Don’t significantly injury myself while blacked out – Fell down the stairs on NYE but no real damage.
    • Don’t get in a fist fight with anyone (considering making it the opposite) – I’m really good at resolving conflicts with words.
    • Watch Joel Embiid and Ben Simmons play together live – BOOM.
    • Watch three Sixers’ wins live – Easiest. Goal. Ever.
    • Get Molly Sullivan’s number – I think I blew my chance.
    • Watch Tom Brady win MVP and / or the Super Bowl this year – He might do it again this year.
    • Watch an American win gold in a distance event at the WCs – EMMA!
    • Watch an American Record in a distance event – AJEE!
    • Write 225 blog posts (more realistic than last year) – 168.
    • Buy a new suit – I wore a full suit like twice this whole year.
    • Advance my career… by getting a new title Technically happened but not fully satisfied
    • Get LASIK – Best decision I’ve made in my life.
    • Watch the Godfather – Coming to Netflix!
    • Read 5 books – I don’t think I read one.
    • PR in the beer mile – Failed miserably in my only attempt.
    • Run over 2000 miles – 1678.
    • Attempt 100 beers and 100 miles in a week – Next year.
    • Make back all the money I lost in 2016 gambling – An embarrassing and concerning result on the year.

‘Bout time for a BOWLING UPDATE

I know a lot of you are worried that I stopped bowling since I don’t blog about it anymore. This post is to put your concerns at ease.

Last night was a career night. I was like Brady and the pins were Gronk. 267, 210, and 235 for a 712 series. Our team went 1-3 but what do I care, I’m all about those individual stats baby!

If anyone wants to go bowling with like the 10th best bowler in a semi-competitive league in a below-average bowling city, you let me know and we’ll go together.

A Girl Jumped off the East Falls Bridge

This is a long post and the story below happened earlier tonight.

What happened from my perspective

It was about 6:30PM and 25 degrees outside. I was running on Falls Bridge and could see a car was parked in the middle of the one lane with no one was in it. There were two women along the other side of the bridge looking into the water and yelling.

I ran over to see what was happening while the women just kept yelling “Keep swimming! Keep swimming!” I looked in the water and couldn’t see much because it was dark, but eventually spotted someone in the water. You could faintly hear her yelling “I can’t swim!“.

I ran around the bridge where another runner was looking in. I asked him what happened and he said she jumped in herself. I then asked in sort of a panic, “Well, should someone like, jump in and save her?!” to which he said “I don’t know, we may not want to lose 2 people” which was sort of a morbid answer and basically framed the situation as life or death. He also mentioned that someone had called 911.

I hopped over wall and started heading down next to the river to see if going in to get her was realistic. Another guy was down there more or less doing the same thing. She kept repeating the same three things:

“I’m so cold”

“I can’t swim”

“Help me”

It not as if you can walk in and out of the river, there’s basically a 5 foot ledge that you have to get up. I got as close as I could and was just yelling at her to come towards me while contemplating if jumping in would make the situation better or worse. She looked to be roughly 18 years old.

30 seconds later I heard sirens and soon after a rescue worker with a flashlight came down to meet me. The water was shallow enough for her to stand but she wasn’t making it up the ledge by herself and we couldn’t really get to her.

A few more rescue workers showed up over the next few minutes and eventually lowered a ladder down for her to climb up which she barely managed to do. Then they took her to the ambulance right away.

There were now probably 10 rescue people down there, a fire truck, an ambulance, a few cop cars, and a dozen on-lookers. It was a very human moment climbing back to the path and honestly I began tearing up.

I talked to the police briefly then ran home.


Reflecting on what happened

For the ~3 minutes where the rescue workers weren’t in sight, the question was simple: Do I jump in or not? I’m just going to write exactly what I felt.

Jumping In

I was running through all the scenarios of me jumping in and the possible outcomes. She was already making her way over to me and could stand, though was still barely moving. Most importantly, if I jumped in, I wouldn’t have been able to get her out. I would’ve had a ~120 pound iceberg that I’d be unable to lift out.

Because of that, jumping felt self-righteous. In the moment, it felt like I would’ve been doing it just so I could tell people I did it, when it likely would’ve complicated things.

The only benefit to jumping in would’ve been IF she went fully under water, then I could’ve helped her, but fortunately that didn’t happen. And if she did go under, I could’ve jumped in then.

Staying Out

Although jumping in seemed stupid, staying out felt completely helpless. I felt guilty. This girl is literally dying, looking at me yelling “help me“, while I’m sitting there watching her and a dozen other people are just staring in awe. All I could do was keep talking to her.

The final outcome was good, she was saved. But it’s situations like this where, if things go wrong, you look back and wonder “what could I have done differently?”.

Say she did go under and ultimately died. I’d look back wondering why the fuck I didn’t just jump in, get a little cold, a little wet, and a little bloody to save her life.

I felt very weird the entire run home.

Story: The Clogged Toilet in the Hotel Lobby Bathroom

Two days ago I was at the Rittenhouse Hotel for work. I wore a dress shirt and naturally I had pit stains before I even left my house. Me, being the smart guy I am though, packed a second shirt.

Aside from the fact that I was self-conscious about my pit-stains for the full 3 hour work event, it went well.

“Great thinking on the second shirt, Sam.”

I had planned to meet someone for drinks afterward. This is where the second dress shirt comes in.

I go into a stall in the hotel lobby bathroom to change shirts, but the stall is clogged and there’s a terd the size of a softball floating around. Awesome. This doesn’t phase me though, because I’m not there for the stall.

I’m a bit flustered as I’m changing shirts so I hardly notice the toilet continually flushing because of the motion sensor picking up my movement.

Next thing I know, we have a breach. Water starts shooting out of this thing like a bidet and shit-softball is up next. I don’t even have my second shirt on yet.


I consider myself good under pressure.

In this moment, it’s about prioritizing. Do I:

  • Keep putting on my second shirt, accept that my shoe will get grossly wet, then leave.
  • Attempt to fix the clog somehow.
  • Get out on the spot, shirtless, and hope no one else is in the bathroom, all the while knowing if someone is outside they’ll automatically assume I clogged the toilet.

Option 3, no doubt.

I burst out of the stall, shirtless and pants unbuttoned. No one was out there. I put my bag near the sinks and quickly fake-piss at the urinal so I can button up my second shirt.

Meanwhile, water is coming out of the bottom of the second stall door. If anyone walks in, I’m toast.

I get shirt two on, grab my stuff, and I’m OUT.

And that’s it. The rest of the night was great!

An Instagram for Melon (and Covy)?

Multiple people have suggested I create an Instagram account for my new blind cat, Melon (featuring his seeing-eye-cat Covy). Everyone has Instagram accounts for their pets, but because Melon has no eyeballs, and has a seeing-eye-cat, it’s unique.


The Pros

  • The blind cat is amazing social media material. He’s super confident and has a high pain tolerance (he’s run into my metal lamp at full speed and didn’t bat an eyelash (duh, cause he doesn’t have any)).
  • I’ll get thousands (millions? (billions?)) of followers, and one of them is bound to like me enough to date me.
  • I’ll have a recorded history of these cats’ lives to show my future cats.

The Cons

  • It puts pressure on me to post & think of clever stuff. I struggle enough with this blog, do I really want to add another thing?
  • I’ll get called out as a bad person for exploiting my blind cat for profit / to get girls (neither of which are happening yet).
  • When I get famous I’ll inevitably get caught up in some scandal where I’m filmed on the streets of Philly blackout drunk and everyone’s going to be like “Isn’t that the guy with the blind cat?! Pretty irresponsible of you, you cuck!!!”

Right now I’m leaning no, but could be convinced. Thoughts?

How could you not love these guys?