Marriage as a 5 Year Contract

No commitment in our society is life-long except marriage (I did not fact check this). We lease cars, rent apartments, even pets only last a decade or so.

But not marriage. Marriage is a forever-commitment, and we’re starting to realize now how unrealistic this is. The solution?

Marriage should be written as a recurring 5 year contract.

When you ‘get married’, the marriage is valid for 5 years. At the end of 5 years, both parties either mutually agree to renew the contract or the marriage ends.

This is good for a few reasons:

  • It gives bad marriages an easy-out without having to be proactive. Most bad marriages last so long because neither party wants actually make the decision to get divorced.
  • It encourages couples to be open with each other as their contract comes up. If one thinks things are iffy and is worried the other won’t want to renew, it will make them actually confront their problems to either improve the relationship, or end it.
  • It makes each person want to be a better partner. Ending the contract is way easier than divorce. In the non-contract era, people can get fat, lose their job, not do special things for their significant other, etc. NOT ANYMORE! You’ll stay in shape, buy flowers, plan dinners, whatever it is to keep them happy if it’s a contract you want to renew.
  • It gives you an excuse to throw a sweet party every time you renew the contract. Weddings are the best social event, 100%. Why only have one per couple?!

“This is an awesome idea. Almost as good as becoming a pickle!”

But it does have some potential problems…

  • What do you do with kids? Split them in half. I don’t know. But staying in a marriage just for the kids isn’t a good reason to stay together.
  • How do you manage financials? Another detail I haven’t worked out, but I’m not worried about this one. This, again, shouldn’t be the reason a couple stays together.
  • This is, quite frankly, extremely unromantic. I get that saying “’til death do us part” sounds way better than “til five years from now when we re-evaluate our relationship“. Romance is overrated?

I can’t wait to propose to my future wife with no diamond ring and tell her I only want a 5 year commitment. She’ll probably want to skip right to the part where we don’t renew the contract.

3 Comments

  1. Hinkie   •  

    This is the best idea I have ever heard come from you

  2. Queef   •  

    I can’t wait to hit free agency. Also, this topic was discussed on the morning show on 97.5 on Monday.

  3. tony   •  

    the strongest argument against this is that joe murray argued for it about six years ago

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