Fantasy – Gimme Wins vs. Auto Losses

Gimme Wins

Defined as the opposing team scoring below 90 points.

League record against a Gimme Win – 13 – 3

Number of Gimme Wins I’ve faced – 0

Number of Gimme Wins I’ve posted – 0

Auto Losses

Defined as the opposing team scoring above 125 points.

League record against an Auto Loss – 1 – 17

Number of Auto Losses I’ve faced – 3

Number of Auto Losses I’ve posted – 3, and I’m the one dipshit who posted an auto-loss and still lost to a higher one.


I’m just whining and want sympathy from my readers.

I also drafted Jay Ajayi and had him on my bench the last two games (it wouldn’t have made a difference in the outcome either time) so that shows how great of a manager I am.

At 2-5, there’s still a chance. If I can rattle off 3 or 4 in a row with Jay Ajayi leading the way, then I may make a playoff push. My luck has to turn at some point!

Ian 10 – Sam 9

Ian Mcgrath beat me in Foosball yesterday. There was a lot of shit-talking from both sides going in. The game was close until Ian got up 8-6. I then rattled off 3 straight to go up 9-8 and my confidence was at 100%. I threw every insult I could think of at him because I knew I’d win.

The last goal was back and forth and then before I realized it, he scored. I was crushed. He looked like he’d just witnessed the birth of his first-born.

baleI don’t know why losing to Ian is so awful. We have a long history of competition, so everyone counts. I also think I’m actually better at Foosball than he is, so losing yesterday was brutal. It also didn’t help that we had a crowd of 8 people watching. It actually ruined the next hour of the night for me. Thank god he left the party immediately after he won.

Why am I writing this? I don’t know. It’s only fair to blog about wins AND losses, so next time I beat Ian in anything, you can bet your ass I’m going to blog about it.

NFL Week 7 2016 – My Lock of the Week

Hit on my lock but missed on my other 2. My locks have been solid.

Lock of the Week – Philadelphia Eagles +3 vs. Minnesota Vikings AND Cincinnati Bengals -10.5 vs. Cleveland Browns.

Lock of the week

I couldn’t pick. The Eagles have looked horrible and people are saying the Vikings are the best in the NFL (spare Pats). Cincinnati has looked below average and shouldn’t be double digit favorites against anyone. They’re both locks.

Other games to keep an eye on:
New York Giants -3 @ LA Rams
Jacksonville Jaguars -1.5 vs. Oakland Raiders

Urinal Etiquette 101

  • Starting a conversation with someone next to you – I do not prefer this, but it’s not against the rules
  • Using the urinal directly next to someone when there are “better” options – Why. 80% of people have stage fright. Avoid this at all costs.
  • Deep sighs – An unusual habit that I’ve noticed from some, but not against the rules.
  • Looking at your phone for the duration of the piss – I’ve heard others say they think it’s weird but I do it from time to time.
  • Taking a phone call – For the sake of the person you’re speaking to, don’t piss while you’re on a phone call.
  • Using the same urinal at the same time as someone else – People are too sensitive, this one is no big deal.
  • Farting – When guys fart at the urinal, the next 30 seconds are a battle for me to not burst out laughing.
  • Looking up from the urinal to see who’s walking in the bathroom – It’s a natural reaction, but it’s uncomfortable for both parties when you catch eyes.
  • Whistling – Only one person I know consistently does this and it’s weirder than you expect.
  • Zipping up as you walk away – Some will disagree, but I button / turn simultaneously, then zip. I’m usually 2-3 steps away from the urinal as I zip.
  • Spitting into the urinal mid-piss – I’ve done it when alone but would never do it around others.

Any input from others?

Steps Challenge Changing Lives

My company just started a “Steps Challenge”. There are 9 teams of 9. Each person tracks their daily steps, then each week you submit them and compare results. The “goal” is 10,000 steps a day per person.

stepsMy thought going in was I’m THE MAN and will lead my team to victory without much trouble. I didn’t plan on changing my behavior at all which was the whole point of the challenge.

After a week in San Francisco I took 145,000 steps, the most of anyone, and my team was in first out of nine. THE MAN.

Yesterday we submitted our week 2 results – 79,000 steps for old Sam. My team was 4th for the week, and I was 13th overall. NOT the man.

The Wellness Committee (which I’m a part of) initiated this challenge and my thought was “This is good for most people, but it won’t make a difference for me”. But here I am two weeks in with sore legs and a bruised ego.

the-manI walked a mile last night around the neighborhood by myself. I walked to work today. This challenge has changed my life. I can’t wait for it to end, but I need to prove to myself, and more importantly, the people who thought I was going to be a good teammate, that I am THE MAN.

I didn’t enter this to be not-first. You heard it here ladies and gents, my team will win this challenge.

A Running Update

A brief update on my running since Paul Short because I feel like it.

I’m still doing 25-30 MPW but I’m actively upping it to 40! The only other thing I’m doing differently is stretching almost every night.

I did a formal track workout yesterday which is rare. 3 sets of 4×400 with a minute between the 400s and three minutes between sets. My idea was set 1 = ~3k pace, set 2 = ~mile pace, and set 3 = whatever I have left.

Set 1: 75, 74, 72, 76

Set 2: 69, 70, 69, 70

Set 3: 66, 67, 67, 65.8 (spiked for the last set)

I’m pretty pleased, still have some speed!

There’s a 2 mile race at Ursinus in three weeks and the Rothman 8k at the end of November. 9:43 is the 2 mile PR (from HS, ugh) and it may be a stretch but I have nothing else to shoot for. We’ll go from there.

Running is good!

NFL Week 6 2016 – My Lock of the Week

I went 3/3 last week AND liked the Chargers on Thursday no big deal.

Lock of the Week – Kansas City Chiefs -2 at Oakland Raiders

Lock of the week

Rob called this before I even looked at the lines as a goofy line. Second time I’m picking against my AFC Championship Game representative (I still stand by that prediction), but I was right the first time!

Other games to keep an eye on

Philadelphia Eagles -2 at Washington Redskins
Ohio State Buckeyes -11 at Wisconsin Badgers

College football? Whaaa?!!?!!

I know absolutely nothing about college football and couldn’t name a single player on either team.

BUT! Two sports talk guys on ESPN said there’s no way Ohio State should be double digit favorite because Wisconsin is too good. Ohio State is going to LAY PIPE here. TAKE IT TO THE BANK!

The Dream I Had and My Relationship with Animals

In my dream last night, I was playing Resident Evil but it was real life, not through a screen / controller. I had a companion, a dog, that I had to make sure survived. If it died, I had to restart.

I kept getting to the same part and losing (as happens so often with RE). Two black cats would burst out of a door once you walked past a certain point and I had to kill them before they killed my dog.

Sneezy2On my next attempt, I realized the two black cats that kept bursting out of the door were in fact Sneezy and Snuffles. Initially I didn’t want to hurt them, but then they started attacking my dog, so I went into a rage to save my dog. I threw Sneezy off my dog and then picked up Snuffles and basically choke slammed her. As I slammed her, I could feel her spine break. Afterward, she laid there, paralyzed but still alive and breathing.

I came out of my rage wondering what the hell I’d done. I started petting Snuffles wondering if there was anyway I could save her, and then I woke up.

It was horrible. I felt so bad. I laid there at 4am wondering how I could do something like that.

Long story short, I used to answer the common Chuck Klosterman question of …assume that -for some reason- every political prisoner on earth (as cited by Amnesty International) will be released from captivity if you can kick this horse to death in less than twenty minutes. You are allowed to wear steel-toed boots. Would you attempt to do this?” as YES, I would kick the horse to death, because logically I can justify it and say that thousands of horses die all the time and what’s one more?

But now, after killing Snuffles in my dream with my bare hands last night, and experiencing the anguish that comes with it, NO, I would not attempt to kick the horse to death. The feeling you have after killing animals is as bad and difficult as you’d expect, at least in my experience.

Fantasy F’d

After Tom throttled me this week, I’m 1-4, and 11 out of 12 in my important fantasy league.

League Average Score Per Week: 105.3

My Average Score Per Week: 112.7

My Opponent’s Average Score Per Week: 124.2!

Points / weekly rank for me and my opponent each week

Me Opponent
Week 1 102.00 (8) 120.64 (3)
Week 2 126.08 (1) 123.00 (2)
Week 3 132.84 (2) 139.18 (1)
Week 4 97.46 (10) 104.46 (7)
Week 5 105.18 (5) 134.16 (2)


Tom keeps saying “these things even out“, but if they don’t start evening out soon I’m going to miss the playoffs despite being top 3 in points. I. Am. PISSED!