In my dream last night, I was playing Resident Evil but it was real life, not through a screen / controller. I had a companion, a dog, that I had to make sure survived. If it died, I had to restart.
I kept getting to the same part and losing (as happens so often with RE). Two black cats would burst out of a door once you walked past a certain point and I had to kill them before they killed my dog.
On my next attempt, I realized the two black cats that kept bursting out of the door were in fact Sneezy and Snuffles. Initially I didn’t want to hurt them, but then they started attacking my dog, so I went into a rage to save my dog. I threw Sneezy off my dog and then picked up Snuffles and basically choke slammed her. As I slammed her, I could feel her spine break. Afterward, she laid there, paralyzed but still alive and breathing.
I came out of my rage wondering what the hell I’d done. I started petting Snuffles wondering if there was anyway I could save her, and then I woke up.
It was horrible. I felt so bad. I laid there at 4am wondering how I could do something like that.
Long story short, I used to answer the common Chuck Klosterman question of “…assume that -for some reason- every political prisoner on earth (as cited by Amnesty International) will be released from captivity if you can kick this horse to death in less than twenty minutes. You are allowed to wear steel-toed boots. Would you attempt to do this?” as YES, I would kick the horse to death, because logically I can justify it and say that thousands of horses die all the time and what’s one more?
But now, after killing Snuffles in my dream with my bare hands last night, and experiencing the anguish that comes with it, NO, I would not attempt to kick the horse to death. The feeling you have after killing animals is as bad and difficult as you’d expect, at least in my experience.